Wednesday, Sep 19, 2007
Alright... I got my results for the current semester.
***SPOILER***
Hope I'm not seen as bragging about my results... > >
In all seriousness, right now I'm in a fix on how to get my classmates to relax about their results... which aren't exactly what they hoped for. I believe some of you know I have Asperger's - that already makes it harder for me to comfort them without seeming offensive and arrogant... In fact right now I tend to avoid speaking to most of them for the fear of giving them the impression of either... or even worse - both.
I myself find it hard most of the time to 'feel' with or for people... or when I do feel... I find it hard to convey it. Say for example if a friend is having his birthday - do I just say 'Happy Birthday!
^ ^' and stuff like that? To me it seems very... common and shallow - well if the other party feels it - good, but if it comes across as one of those 'congratulating for the sake of congratulating' messages - what's the point in it? In that case - maybe you're better off not even wishing a thing. The same goes for others' misfortunes. If something not so nice happens to someone - I often find myself in a quandary how to help them out... or console them or whatever.
I say, in the end it comes up to how much you can phrase your words in ways that will be interpreted as intended. But sometimes, that is hard too.
One example:
Your classmate seems to be struggling in homework. Do you offer your help? Given that if you do, there's a chance he rejects it and says that you're being arrogant - belittling him as though he is helpless and can't help himself. If you don't, there's a chance he ends up saying you're selfish for not offering your help and simply watching as he struggles by himself.
What would you do?
Note: that situation has happened to me before... and yes I've done both and got both results.
Tell me - what am I to do? > >
Thanks a lot.
***SPOILER***
Hope I'm not seen as bragging about my results... > >
In all seriousness, right now I'm in a fix on how to get my classmates to relax about their results... which aren't exactly what they hoped for. I believe some of you know I have Asperger's - that already makes it harder for me to comfort them without seeming offensive and arrogant... In fact right now I tend to avoid speaking to most of them for the fear of giving them the impression of either... or even worse - both.
I myself find it hard most of the time to 'feel' with or for people... or when I do feel... I find it hard to convey it. Say for example if a friend is having his birthday - do I just say 'Happy Birthday!
^ ^' and stuff like that? To me it seems very... common and shallow - well if the other party feels it - good, but if it comes across as one of those 'congratulating for the sake of congratulating' messages - what's the point in it? In that case - maybe you're better off not even wishing a thing. The same goes for others' misfortunes. If something not so nice happens to someone - I often find myself in a quandary how to help them out... or console them or whatever.I say, in the end it comes up to how much you can phrase your words in ways that will be interpreted as intended. But sometimes, that is hard too.
One example:
Your classmate seems to be struggling in homework. Do you offer your help? Given that if you do, there's a chance he rejects it and says that you're being arrogant - belittling him as though he is helpless and can't help himself. If you don't, there's a chance he ends up saying you're selfish for not offering your help and simply watching as he struggles by himself.
What would you do?
Note: that situation has happened to me before... and yes I've done both and got both results.
Tell me - what am I to do? > >
Thanks a lot.
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Posted Sep 19, 2007 6:17 am PT
Happy Birthday! ^_^.....I hate faking sympathy.....but sometimes it's a must
^_^.....I hate faking sympathy.....but sometimes it's a must
Posted Sep 19, 2007 7:46 am PT
I know my own motives. That's all that matters to me. If someone misinterprets my kindness as arrogance, so be it. That's their problem, not mine. My role in this world is simply to live the best way I can.
Posted Sep 19, 2007 8:29 am PT
@Light Yup... NYP studying for a diploma in multimedia & infocomm tech. And yes I do want to enter a university... probably NTU 
That's a really... bad experience
Hm... but if only what I think of myself that matters - isn't that the equivalent of being socially ignorant?
@Cougar Well... for me I don't fake sympathy anymore... although the length of my replies usually indicate how much interest I have in the subject(s) of the messages/blogs...
@megagene And if... so many people have such problems... won't it be harder moving along (in this case) in school? Because as much as I wish to do that... well, I realise that it's going to be quite a dilemna when it comes to things like group work...
That's a really... bad experience
Hm... but if only what I think of myself that matters - isn't that the equivalent of being socially ignorant?@Cougar Well... for me I don't fake sympathy anymore... although the length of my replies usually indicate how much interest I have in the subject(s) of the messages/blogs...
@megagene And if... so many people have such problems... won't it be harder moving along (in this case) in school? Because as much as I wish to do that... well, I realise that it's going to be quite a dilemna when it comes to things like group work...
Posted Sep 19, 2007 8:47 am PT
You can't control other people or what they think. Some people WILL overreact to your comments or your help or your non help etc. I find for myself I hold back alot of help or sympathy empathy whatever afraid of the results but not saying anything doesn't seem to get you anywhere either... I don't know sorry now I am thinking about myself and my own faults and inabilities to please people... But you seem like someone who is trying their best to make society and other people somewhat happy and move along in life and...Oh nevermind... I just hope you can move on to uni and do well...^_^ Sorry leechy for blabbing on and on...
Posted Sep 19, 2007 9:48 am PT
[Deleted]
Posted Sep 19, 2007 10:09 am PT
If people be rude to you I would just tell them to **** off but that is just me I am mean to mean people and nice to nice people.
I would just be yourself and continue on if someone looks like they need help and they want it then go for it. I wouldn't go out of my way to help people that are going to be rude about it though they aren't worth it.
Congratulations on your scores buddy
I would just be yourself and continue on if someone looks like they need help and they want it then go for it. I wouldn't go out of my way to help people that are going to be rude about it though they aren't worth it.
Congratulations on your scores buddy
Posted Sep 19, 2007 10:50 am PT
Great that you would want to join us in NTU. I am doing Accountancy here.
I'll respect a person who holds his/her views well rather than one who'd go all out to please. The line drawn between what is socially arrogant and acceptable is thin, largely due to flawed perceptions.
I'll respect a person who holds his/her views well rather than one who'd go all out to please. The line drawn between what is socially arrogant and acceptable is thin, largely due to flawed perceptions.
Posted Sep 19, 2007 11:15 am PT
If they're your friends....offer to study together. Just be available and open. If they take you up on the offer...fine. If not...don't press.
Posted Sep 19, 2007 12:02 pm PT
I've met a lot of people who've judged me beforehand, I also come across as someone I'm not when I'm speaking to people for the first time.
Fortunately, this fake arrogant image some have had of me doesn't last long... it usually only takes one study meeting or something similar to make people "rejudge" me.
The important thing is that offering help is never wrong, what they think doesn't matter most of the times as long as you're doing the right thing. I don't think they'll say you're selfish if you don't offer help, but if you want to do it then you shouldn't hesitate.
Fortunately, this fake arrogant image some have had of me doesn't last long... it usually only takes one study meeting or something similar to make people "rejudge" me.
The important thing is that offering help is never wrong, what they think doesn't matter most of the times as long as you're doing the right thing. I don't think they'll say you're selfish if you don't offer help, but if you want to do it then you shouldn't hesitate.
Posted Sep 19, 2007 6:02 pm PT
Posted Sep 20, 2007 12:52 am PT
@funk I didn't think you were blabbering And well that's true that I can never control others and hah... you remind me of myself in the past... keeping to myself and all...
@Lord Sure thing, will try that ^ ^ And thanks
@Light
I always thought you were in NUS... And I agree with you, although sadly speaking that is often thought of as you said - being arrogant and all.
@LJS Well most of the time I do my actual studying alone and just join them if asked for... although sometimes in the end their attitudes aren't that great... Also... since when did you start using '.'s in exact counts of three?
@bunny Pretty lucky there... having people rejudge you... for better, unlike me (in most cases in real life) > > As for the likeliness of being called selfish and stuff like that... let's say in the beginning of the year the entire class did just that > >
@fkholmes Wouldn't it be try to help them since they may reject your help?
PS: Most of the comments to this blog seem long
And well that's true that I can never control others and hah... you remind me of myself in the past... keeping to myself and all...@Lord Sure thing, will try that ^ ^ And thanks
@Light
I always thought you were in NUS... And I agree with you, although sadly speaking that is often thought of as you said - being arrogant and all.@LJS Well most of the time I do my actual studying alone and just join them if asked for... although sometimes in the end their attitudes aren't that great... Also... since when did you start using '.'s in exact counts of three?
@bunny Pretty lucky there... having people rejudge you... for better, unlike me (in most cases in real life) > >
As for the likeliness of being called selfish and stuff like that... let's say in the beginning of the year the entire class did just that > >@fkholmes Wouldn't it be try to help them since they may reject your help?
PS: Most of the comments to this blog seem long
Posted Sep 20, 2007 1:07 am PT
Digital media design? What exactly does that include? Id love to take that up in college, but I fear the career path is too short and you can't really climax in a very high position.
I could totally teach you stuff to impress your teacher (so it looks like you're doing extra work checking out illy and photoshopXD)
I could totally teach you stuff to impress your teacher (so it looks like you're doing extra work checking out illy and photoshopXD)
Posted Sep 20, 2007 5:08 am PT
@kaz For the first semester, elementary Photoshop and Flash... by elementary I mean elementary to the point it goes down to using the lasso tool and filters (for Photoshop) and motion tweens for Flash...
I'm horrid at Illustrator... as in really horrid > > Why can't the shortcuts and the like be similar to those in Photoshop/Fireworks?
I'm horrid at Illustrator... as in really horrid > > Why can't the shortcuts and the like be similar to those in Photoshop/Fireworks?
Posted Sep 20, 2007 5:17 am PT
Hehe...I say, this is a pretty good problem to have. ;P
If I were them..I'd probably be grateful for any help...but it is obviously not a particuarly nice situation to deal with considering the attitudes of your classmates. If they're too proud to recieve your help, less work for you. Win, win for Alvin.
If I were them..I'd probably be grateful for any help...but it is obviously not a particuarly nice situation to deal with considering the attitudes of your classmates. If they're too proud to recieve your help, less work for you. Win, win for Alvin.
Posted Sep 20, 2007 9:27 am PT
nice results...even if u get rejected like u said, at least u know that u tried to lend a hand
Posted Sep 20, 2007 8:03 pm PT
Posted Sep 21, 2007 4:11 am PT
@Dan 'Good problem'? And well... that's actually partially the stance I'm adopting currently...
@Dante Thanks... Yup but it tends to get... well... annoying? And also demoralizing
@jake > > I'm sure your grades are good too > >
And well... that's actually partially the stance I'm adopting currently...@Dante Thanks... Yup but it tends to get... well... annoying? And also demoralizing
@jake > > I'm sure your grades are good too > >
Posted Sep 21, 2007 5:03 am PT
Seems to me like the best way to approach situations like the one you described is to just express your thoughts but in a casual and unassuming manner... i.e. for the homework, I would probably ask "hey man, what did you think of that homework?" If he replies "it's #$^&@* hard," then I would go "oh, you want some help or anything?" I usually find that that approach isn't arrogant enough to make anybody mad but still allows you to approach them.
Posted Sep 22, 2007 5:01 am PT
@Funky O O Now why didn't I think of that? I think I'm going to try your approach first... it seems the most rational and least risky...
Thanks a lot
I think I'm going to try your approach first... it seems the most rational and least risky...Thanks a lot
Posted Sep 22, 2007 7:11 am PT
I can't answer that tough question of yours, only you can answer those kinds. Congratys on your results mate.
Posted Sep 22, 2007 7:13 am PT
@fish Sure it's alright, and thanks
Posted Sep 22, 2007 5:35 pm PT
i think it really depends on the person. as you said, there's a good possibility of getting both results, so i think you have to take it as a case by case situation. i have also done both and gotten both reactions from people, so i know your dilemma. unfortunately, i don't think it can be solved by an answer to a hypothetical question. i know i'm not helping, so i'll stop right here...anyway, congrats on your results!
Posted Sep 24, 2007 12:35 pm PT
Posted Sep 24, 2007 11:13 pm PT
Good results there, congrats Guess I would rather help them than ignore them. And if they don't want my help then I just don't bother but if they come to me asking for help I'll help them even if I wish they were being selfish themselves. Although if they talk nasty to me then don't even come near me. That's just how I am.
Guess I would rather help them than ignore them. And if they don't want my help then I just don't bother but if they come to me asking for help I'll help them even if I wish they were being selfish themselves. Although if they talk nasty to me then don't even come near me. That's just how I am.
Posted Sep 26, 2007 10:26 am PT
@steph Thanks... and thanks too for retracking me That's kind of you to do so, offering help to potentially selfish people who may fire back at you instead of accepting/declining your help gracefully... But at the same time still being wise to avoid them if they aren't that nice to you so that your efforts aren't wasted...
That's kind of you to do so, offering help to potentially selfish people who may fire back at you instead of accepting/declining your help gracefully... But at the same time still being wise to avoid them if they aren't that nice to you so that your efforts aren't wasted...
Posted Sep 27, 2007 8:34 am PT
My grades are bettar!
Posted Sep 28, 2007 2:32 pm PT
@PD Pics or it didn't happen!
Posted Sep 28, 2007 5:06 pm PT
Not as good as you but yeah mixture of A and B mostly
Posted Sep 29, 2007 5:09 am PT
@jake That's still good... means your GPA should be around 3.5...
Posted Sep 29, 2007 6:12 pm PT
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Lightfellower
Life's too short to worry about things like these. I recall a bad experience: I got my 'A' Levels results, and as I was holding my certificate facing out (unknowingly), a cIassmate came to me and say "We all know you did well, that's no need to flaunt it." I gave her a sacrastic smile, didn't bother to explain myself, and I moved on. But that's me; I can't be bothered how people think of me. Some people are like me, while others would rather die than be misunderstood. Either way, it's how you think of yourself that matters the most. Once you are done with that, move on to help others. If you are sincere about it, it doesn't matter how people perceive you. You have done your part.