Like night and day friends are nothing more but things that come and go but I have never met one who stayed and never judge nor betray. Yes there are friends I’ve grown up with but where are they now? If they would bump into me out in the street they look at me as I’m just a beggar or they forget the childhood memories that we shared which means we’re nothing but time wasted. Just as my life is a disappointment so is my belief in friendship all those who I trusted or inspired confirmed my greatest fear’s the fact of never being remembered or acknowledged by the world. This darkness and bubbling pain of spilled blood from this scar that I inflicted into my heart is one the most sad memories I choke on day in and out. I’m started wonder what’s the point to my life about?

What dismay to never found gentle mother that I longed for, only an ignorant and terrible excuse of wasted flesh and soul of a mother to whom I am the child to. Oh how I long for the love of a real mother one who I can talk to each day. Not this whore or lazy useless garbage that makes me feel that I should just kill myself and hope reincarnation is true to see if I get another shot at a good life like it was a roll of a die. How deep this scar bleeds numbing my body as it loses the right to breath. as I go on to cry into a shadowy dream of never living another day’s light.

True love was something I always looked forward to. It was my sole reason to believing in a happy ending to my miserable life. The end of my wrath and loneliness, it was going to be the whole point of my life of making sense out of it. It was everything I wanted it to be sweet and loving I was happy as I thought she was to. But atlas it wasn’t true she felt love for me at some point and some she didn’t but like a blind fool I never knew that she wasn’t happy. I still love her, like a lover would, I treasure her, painted a future that we both drew walking down hand and hand with a house also a boy or girl maybe even two. “Sigh” But now I’m confused when and which were the times that she loved me and when she hasn’t. How can I believe her now if she said she still loves me now? For how long has this been going? What caused it was it me? My mind is full of questions but no answers.

“Sign” Where did I go wrong? Was there another that filled her needs where I couldn’t? This uneasiness it’s what makes me feel as I’m drowning in my own blood and tears and makes me feel scarred for life. But one thing is true this pain has been the most painful that even the rejection from my past loves has left me bruised this broiling cruel icy experience will be forever be part of me, but things will not be the same unless she tells me the truth. Because my heart is broken not only by her but the disappointments of my life all which seem like a black hole swirling with no end. As a consequence it makes me feel better not looking forward to life anymore, since I have nothing to live for? no father, no friends, no mother, no one to love or care for. These aching scars will stay with me forever more. I mean what is the point of life if you can’t find love in any form. I hope the fates are fair that my existence will be taken away when I shut my eyes and look forward to that I will never see the light of day.

By: Walter Quiñonez Jr