Each time I plant a garden,
The flowers always die.
I hope and pray when each Spring comes,
Yet every time I try
I'm left with nothing in my hands
And once again I cry.

Enough! I'm done! I'll plant no more!
I vow that I shall be
Strong and independant, hoping
Nevermore to see
The blooming nor the dying
Of a dream not meant to be.

"Come, Winter, lay upon my soul
"Your deepest, coldest snow.
"Though I was meant for warmth and light,
"For love and laughter, know
"That I shall steel my heart against
"Expecting love to grow."

Now under Winter's covering
It's safe and cool and dark.
No light nor sound can penetrate,
Much less can leave its mark.
And I in peaceful solitude
Lie sleeping in my heart.

And there I would have surely stayed,
But one great ray of light
Broke through to touch my heart and mind
And wake me from my night.
Though I resisted, it was strong
And swiftly won the fight.

Now once again Springtime has come
And I feel born anew.
In wonder, I behold a tree
Where once frail flowers grew.
For me, the best was saved for last:
My love, this tree is you.

It's been a very difficult time for me for the past month and a half.  I know some of you have been wondering what's up.  I can't tell you everything, but I do owe all of you some kind of explanation.

As many of you remember, my family and I lost my nephew, Bryan, to cancer last New Year's Eve.  That was devastating to me, although I had known since the previous April that his death was coming.  That's when the doctors said there was nothing more that could be done.

In a way, I started grieving for him then.  And I have continued to grieve all this time.  Please don't misunderstand me: I've had some happy times in the last year and a half, many of them here with you all, but at the same time I've carried around a terrible sadness that never quite left me.

Early in August, that sadness deepened suddenly.  At first I didn't understand why, but as I paid attention to where my thoughts drifted when I allowed them to flow freely it became clear: Bryan's birthday was approaching.  That anniversary was on September 4.  He would have turned 15 then.

It was as if my insides had filled up with lead.  I was weighed down more heavily than I'd been at any time, even right after he died.  I can't explain why it hit me so hard, not even to myself.  It just did.

I won't blame anybody for not understanding.  Just know that I couldn't deal with being around anybody for a time, so I isolated myself both here and, to the extent possible, in the "real" world.

I'm sorry if I caused anybody distress over me.  I admit that I wasn't thinking about anybody but myself.  That is something that I truly regret now and I ask your forgiveness.

How am I doing now?  Much better.  This past Wednesday I actually started feeling happy again.  Truly happy, not just because of some external stimulus that made me laugh or anything, but happy from inside myself.  I seem to have turned a corner in this journey, and I can't explain that any more than I can explain any other part of it.  Once again, it just happened.  Seasons change in the earth and in our lives.  Maybe that's the only explanation that exists.

I hope I can reconnect with all my friends here.  I'll be back on the forum in a couple of days, I promise.  Meanwhile, I want to state that in all the time I was gone, I thought of you all often.  I missed you and loved you and wanted to reach out to you - I just couldn't.  But it's over now and I'm back, hoping to find open arms to receive me.

Yours always,
Susan

2½ stars out of 5

I saw M. Night Shyamalan's movie "Lady in the Water" today.  It's a fairy tale of sorts.  Perhaps you've heard that the story started out as a bedtime tale he made up for his daughters.  It's very much that kind of story.

Bryce Dallas Howard (who rocked out loud as Ivy in "The Village") is the titular "Lady."  However, while the entire story pivots around Story (her character's name), it isn't about her so much as it's about Paul Giamatti's character, Cleveland Heep, and the other people who live in an apartment complex called The Cove.  How Story changes their lives as they come to her rescue is the compelling part of the movie.  That part is very well done and moved me to tears at the end.

On the other hand, the complicated mythology behind Story and her story is not so great in my opinion, nor is the tortuous way in which it is doled out bit by bit.  And Shyamalan's signature use of the color red is, except for the eyes of the creature who is Story's nemesis, forced and cliche in feeling.  Another glaring weakness is the way in which all the people who Cleveland approaches in his quest to help Story are so very quick to swallow this far fetched scenario.

Also, after being blown away by Howard's talent in "The Village," I was disappointed that in this movie she doesn't get a chance to do much more than look frightened and other-worldly beautiful.  This she does amazingly well, don't get me wrong, but I expected that a title role would be beefier and showcase her talent much more.  Ah, well, that's what I get for having my own expectations going into somebody else's tale.

On a brighter note, Shyamalan himself takes a larger role in this film, revealing himself to be quite a good actor.  And, after all, he's very easy on the eyes.