Oh!

Oh!

Don't say anything! I know what you're all thinking!

WHERE CAN I GET SUCH AN AWESOME HAT?!

Where indeed my little munchkins, where indeed. See how he wears his hat - this is a man with superior hat-buying skillz. The 'z' is for ZOMG. Or he got his nan to knit it - in which case, holy rock star hot wheelz grandma!

Oh, but I digress. I also have an awesome hat - as evidenced recently on a Dolly Parton night out -

That's the hat of champions.

ANYWAY.

What the blistering hell is with this new layout?! Why does TV.com want me to turn the lights out? Why can't I bloody well find anything on here?

And:

Hello!

Godaaaamn, it's good to be back. Judging from the state of TV.com, I'm not back for good. It's looking a bit frayed round the edges this place, which is sad.

I just want to see who's still around and catch up in the comments.

My thanks go to Charlie and Mollete (miss that BM? ) for alerting me to the fact that people are knocking around here that I may want to exchange words with. Oh God, certain people I would like to exchange rocks with.

Most people, kind words. But of course

So...yeah. I'm alive, as can be evidenced by these written words on your great big telly box.

Yeah, but all that aside, I have changed. Those who remember my past forays into this blog know I was having a hard time back then. I can assure you that was the worst year of my life. It's thanks to you lot I got through it.

And now I'm graduated and doing a masters degree in design, I'm happier than I have been for a while and I have a boyfriend of six weeks (yeah yeah, but to me that's a long time) who looks like a keeper.

GOD HOW BORING IS THE HAPPINESS

Let's stop flipping well talking about me already, (hahaha I forgot that they censor words here) how the hell are YOU?! I mean, seriously? How ARE YOU?!

xxxx

Again I wrote a blog only to delete it. I was freaking out about the people who are leaving/thinking about leaving/pretty much left already.

Don't feel guilty or sad or angry. Feel grateful for these times.

This one is for you. I didn't write this, but it rang so true. Read it all, especially the end.

Again, love you guys. Don't make the comments about me, we've done that and I've loved everything you've said and everything about bridges that are impossible to burn. Thank you. You've given me my smile back.

Make the comments about us.

Fandom
Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime.

Fandom is people you don't tell your mother you're meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby.

Fandom is you in Germany and me in the US and him in Australia and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofabed in New York, a roadtrip to Oxnard, a friend behind a face in London. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact.

Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky's law and Godwin's law and Murphy's law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you've ever had them.

Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn't care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you're really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom.

Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn't create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn't create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting.

Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer.

Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak.

Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.

Fandom is where you found yourself.

I don't know anyone here who can't relate to this.

Remember, the comments below should be for everyone.
I've said enough, I'm always going on about me

xxxx

I had a whole blog written out. Deleted it of course, got a bit too close to the bone. All I've realised is that I've got to make a few changes in my life for the sake of other people.

Been lurking lately, just making sure of things. I've burnt my bridges a little too efficiently but I just wanted to make sure everyone was ok before I left. I'll miss you lot, but we've all said our goodbyes and I guess I just wrote this to explain why I was still around.

I'll be checking back a couple more times over the next week before I go back home. After that I think that's it.

Thanks for an eye opening, fun and uplifting two years. Love you

xxxxx