(This was the best title I could come up with.) Yes, disappointing, no? After such a lucky streak with great titles, it ends. *sigh* Well, here's the damn video that ruined it. Pretty cool, huh? You should see the one with the robots randomly coming and being shot by puffballs. Sweet robot action. Wait, that reminds me of one of the games I beat: Berzerk! Wait, that's not how the word is spelt. Oh well, we know why they did it: Z is much better than S. If I had to flassify the game, though, I'd say its a run & gun shooter. I assume you're a cowboy, shooting robots in a dystopian maze. That's all there is. They can shoot back, but with clever positioning, they're screwed. The only twist is that the walls are electrified, possibly to kill off people trying to hang their family photos on the wall. That'll teach them to be happy! Families aren't supposed to be happy, they're supposed to be dysfunctional and filled with alcoholism. Wait, why the hell did I make that joke? I don't know. The walls may be electrified, but the robots don't know that. In fact, they're effing morons. They'll walk into the walls and kill themselves, or, blinded by their bloodlust, kill their comrades. However, little smiley faces pop up in their explosions, suggesting that the robots aren't stupid, but suicidal. Whatever, you just walk from room to room, killing robots or letting them die in their advanced state of homocidal tendencies. It starts to get repetitive after a while, so the lasting power isn't that good. I have heard that there's a game mode where Evil Otto, some sort of evil smiley face (like the one in the previous link), appears and hunts you down for being such a slow lardass. He's also invincible, which means you can't just pump him full of lead. Hold on, that sounds familiar. Kinda like Baron von Blubba from Bubble Bobble. In fact, this game is a lot like Bubble Bobble, only with more shooting and less variety. I'd attribute it to the Atari hardware, but other games on the system have had more variety and longevity, like Adventure or Moon Patrol. Because it will never last long, I give it the Any Relationship You Plan to be in Within Your Lifespan Award .

Yes, I made fun of you. Go cry to your cat, sleeping by the radiator! *laughs* Sorry, just pissed at GameSpot and I'm taking it out on you. *farts on you* Like that. Why? They said Mario Kart 64 sucks after a week! I have been playing it and beat it recently, and I can say it still rocks! Yea, I've been playing Mario Kart 64 behind your backs. Why? Well, I believe I sent you to the corner for having eyebrows (did you learn your lesson?), so you couldn't see much. Anyway, the game still rocks, 11 years after its release! The game recieved major updates over Super Mario Kart, like more items, techniques, and better tracks.Tracks now have overlapping segments, sharp turns, different terrain, maps with oddly specific shapes, and other such features. Of course, this is all due to the 3D capabilities, but that's not much of a detraction. In fact, the graphics still hold up fairly nicely...kinda. The sprites haven't aged well, like most N64 games that used sprites instead of 3D models. And like those games, this one ends up with a weird plastic-y look that's evident in the podium trophy thing. But as we all know, the gameplay is where it matters, and this game delivers. You know those new items I mentioned? They work fairly well a lot of the time, like the Blue Shell and Megashroom. I like to hold the items behind me most of the time and either watch some dumbass tailgater run into it or tailgate somebody and unleash it upon them. However, I'm guessing karma worked to screw me over, as I had my share of embarrassing moments, like getting hit...by your own blue shell...knocking you into the lava....on the final lap. Yes, that sucks hard. But the rest of the game stacks up fairly nice. I even tried out the multiplayer, and its still fun (unless somebody (me) is much better than the people they're playing against). And whoever said this game is easy or doesn't last long hasn't tried Toad's Turnpike on Mirror Mode. Forgetting the horrible sense of disorientation from it being mirror mode, there's the fact that you can't use power drifting to get ahead for fear of getting run over by awful drivers who took a wrong turn at the magical, invisible exit. In fact, the hardest part of the game was Mirror Mode, although the irony is that the Special Cup was easier because of it. OK, now I'm kinda rambling, so let's end this with the Rigged Racer Award. Why? Well, you sh-

(Its exactly the same as this one.) And I haven't really used it that much. But why did I join? Jeff lets me swear, while GameSpot makes them hide behind asterisks, fearing for their lives. Stop forcing these swears into a life of fear, GameSpot! THEY CAN'T EVEN SPEAK! Why? Fear. ****! Its OK, they don't know who you are, its OK, its OK. You're safe with the dog. Oh, and with James Rolfe and Ben Croshaw. They'll protect you, especially Rolfe. We're both old school, he'll understand. Speaking of old school, let's review Dig Dug for the Atari 2600. I know I'm beating Atari games in every blog, just go along with it. Anyway, we all know the goal of Dig Dug: you apparently protect some old lady's garden by blowing up little animals. Who you are, or what you are, I don't know, but I don't care. Why? This game is fun. That's it. Considering it was made in the arcade era (1980's to Mortal Kombat), it was made to be addictive and generally appealing. And it is, even on the Atari 2600. Like Burgertime, the transition is seamless. The graphics are actually pretty damn good, demonstrating a wide variety of colors and stuff. However, it can get cluttered and the sprites flickery, especially when the evil animals somehow phase through the water, like Edea of FF8. And while we're speaking flaws, the controls can feel somewhat stiff, but generally aren't too much of a problem most of the game. Another flaw? Well, the music only plays while you're moving, and the little sound effect that plays when you pump a creature full of death gas is missing. What the hell? Wait...music? On Atari? That's more of a what the hell than the what the hell for the lack of it while you're moving or the what the hell for the lack of one sound effect. Wait, I'm confused by my own sentece. Whatever, the game's still pretty damn good. I give it the Unnecessary Rick Rolls Award .

Yes, I put not one, not two, but TWO Rick Rolls in that previous post. Why? To waste your time. But while you're here, why not waste more time with some of my crappy little reviews? What else do we have here?...I'll go with Dragon Quest on the MSX. Now we know that I've beaten this countless times before, and I never ONCE rescued the princess, so I'll just link you t-

Yea, who the hell are you? *gets a massive kick to the balls*

The Princess wrote:

That's for leaving me in that crappy little cell in the Swamp Cave! How dare you get Erdrick's Armor without my help!

Oh god...so much pain....how many times have my balls been kicked!?!? Too many times...now then, what the hell was I saying before? Right, this one was on the MSX2, so there are changes. OK, differences, not really changes. Most noticeably, the graphics. First, everything is a lot less vibrant, even though the MSX had a wider color range than the NES. Oh, and you may have noticed from the former that the game looks a lot like Ultima. In fact, it feels like Ultima, only with the interface being easier to use and the entire game easy to play. That's what I like about it compared to Ultima and other WRPGs: good interface. However, unlike those games, the speed I played this one was REAALLLLYYY REAALLLY SLOOOOWWWW. Very, very, very slow. I had to boost this thing up by a third to get it around NES speed. Not a good thing. Throw in the short length (even though playing in Japanese would, logically, make it a bit harder) and the weird ending screen you get, and you have a fairly average JRPG. One that deserves the Screw the Princess Award. Hey, since we're on the subject of RPGs and getting kicked in the nuts, let's move onto my multipart thing. What's ball kicking have to do with it, you say? *kicks you in the nuts* There. There's your relevance.

Janet Reno wrote:

OK, so we've finally arrived at the Nintendo World Store. What do you want to do for your petty vacation?

I'm gonna go play Tetris on that melted Game Boy.

AVGN wrote:

Are you ****ing serious? That has to be the dumbest ****ing thing I've ever heard.

Like you have a better idea.

Queen wrote:

I imagine he does, for two reasons.

I know its locked in the little glass thing, but what's the other reason?

Queen wrote:

Its floating through the ceiling.

AVGN wrote:

What the ass? *group goes to roof, meets Santa*

Satan Clause! I thought I killed you in the Santanic War!

Janet Reno wrote:

You guys have a vendetta against Santa? That's it, I'm leaving the party. *leaves*

Satan Clause wrote:

Excellent. Now that she has left, it will be easier to kill three useless ****s.

AVGN wrote:

Um...okay?

No way in Hell you're gonna kill us! *starts bludgeoning Satan Clause to death*

Burger King wrote:

You forgot me! *evil laugh*

AVGN wrote:

Oh no, its the Burger King! Your games suck monkey **** out of a buffalo's anushole! *starts buldgeoning Burger King to death*

*Game Boy drops from sky, releases Nintendo spirit* Does Tetris still work? *starts playing Tetris* YES! Here, you can have this. *hands spirit to AVGN*

Queen wrote:

What happened to this being a vacation ?

No idea, just let me play my Tetris. *batteries run out* DAMNIT! *throws Game Boy off roof of building, breaks it*

(But first, some exercises.) First, imagine being a rock star. OK, now imgaine being a fake rock star holding a plastic guitar, and you have Guitar Hero. Remove any appeal Guitar Hero has, stuff what's left into a crappy little pick, and you have Guitar Idol. Seriously, this is a stupid thing to buy. Its almost as pathetic as ShamWow or ZizzZazz. Let's all hope that we do not become this pitiful someday. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that, as is evidenced by my new look. Yes, I change my look more often that others, but I make my own stuff! Like this:

The avatar. No, not the Nickelodeon anime about a 12 year old who hangs out with eskimos or something, I mean mine. And to quell rumors, I was NOT listening to The Man with the Machine Gun while making this. I was thinking of me hacking into the Internet or something. I wanted the damn background to look more like computer chip-esque, but there's only so much Paint.NET can do. Speaking of which...

The banner. Oh, this is the best example of me screwing around with Paint.NET. It all started out with a bridge, and then I found the twist tool and made that kickass swirly thing. Everything else kinda went on its own from there. The only thing I could've done better was probably make the magic resisting thing when two magical forces collide and the universe tears itself a new **** Moving on, we have...

The header. Please don't tell me that I ripped off the intro to Conker's Bad Fur Day, for I knew that going into it. The whole concept was me in my throne room, just sitting there. Interpret it how you see fit, whether it be two opposing sides ready to kick each other's asses, or my loyal minions. Whatever, I just collected the stupidest looking guys I could find . Oh, and before I end this portion, it was utter hell to edit this to what I wanted. Why? Here's the original background.Yea, lots of Disney. And then getting Pit to fit in there....pain. Moving on...

The profile pic that nobody will ever look at. Yes, this time, there's no self-indulgent, meaningless story behind it. Its just me on a Chocobo in an alley. Wanted it to be a bit tougher than that, but the car from Street Fighter II was FAR too big for this, and Chocobos are just cooler modes of transportation. But of course, I live on the moon, not on GBC-type Earth. Which is why I made the following:

My sig. Pretty cool, huh? I summon the greatest powers known to the cosmos for no know reason whatsoever. Apparently, I have a very stupid army who wants to try it out fro themselves. And then there's Knuckles, hiding out in the corner. That doesn't mean much, I just did it because it fits there properly and for humorous effect. Oh, and you notice how there's a buttload of creatures flying in the background? That was supposed to be a space battle, but instead...you know.

OK, that's enough of me showing you my new look. Now its time for a multipart dialogue sequence: Final Fantasy Park VII! And this is the end of it (ending on Disc 1), mainly because I couldn't think of much past Aeris's death. OK, let's get this started and see if I can improvise my way through this: