Hey you awesome people! I just want to say that you all have totally given me so much. You know, I came here, made tons of friends, found my place in this fandom and just really enjoyed spending my days here with you all in deep speculation and theorization. But I fear that this is taking away from my enthusiasm of the show (SPN, of course). So Merina (Mer-Joy) and myself have decided to withdrawl from the forum except for on Thursdays after and episode, and only limit ourselves to the episode thread and the sfu thread. I can only hope this will restore my/our love for the show, and we will return every week with much more enthusiasm. So, thank you all and if you would like to talk on a regular basis, you can get me on MSN. My email is psychoticlust@hotmail.com (I know, weird but I created that AGES ago haha).

I was searching around on the internet the other day and I came accross this sweet little poem.

This morning I drive across town for a friend

To Justin's house on a Saturday at 9.

His wife yells from under wet hair, Belt unbuckled

"Justin!"

He's down in the office

And I sit—collapse on the new couch

Custom made, brown and squarer than a couch should be.

Justin's baby produces baby pants for my inspection.

I'm impressed, he can find his own pants now.

Can't put them on, but knows

They go

On his baby legs.

And there I am

With my friend's family

On a weekend morning.

The mother holds an envelope

In her teeth

Hoists and struggles

To pant her boy.

I'm slouching and hot in my vest

My blue, down vest.

Thinking today was colder than it is.

Forgetting that fall in California

Is like summer back home.

Plastic diapers pack the thighs of tiny corduroys

The smell of Cheerios bloated and floating in milk

What have I missed?

I really love how in the moment this is. I believe this is a fine example of how those little moments in life that most people ignore can open your eyes to new things. An old spinster sees an elderly couple holding hands walking down the street and she can't help but think that could be her. Or a man sitting in a restaurant with his mistress and he sees a woman who looks just like his wife sitting lonely at a table alone and realizes the consequences of his actions. I believe this moment in particular is about a man who doesn't have a family of his own and he sees what he has/is missing out on. Perhaps he's gay and only now realizes what he could have had, or maybe he just didn't want children and his girlfriend or fiancee broke up with him, and he sees that this could have been his life and a part of him regrets not taking the oppertunity.

So this brings me to ask, have you ever had a moment where you see something that could have been yours and you suddenly regret, either for the first or the hundredth time, that your choices took you away from it?

I have. Actually quite a lot. But the main thing is when I'm downtown waiting for the bus to arrive and I see a group of friends laughing and having fun. I can't help but think that, maybe if I would have been less shy or struck up a conversation with a loner girl I thought looked interesting (she wore kitty ears and wrote constantly) then maybe I would have a good friend or two that is close to home (literally). I don't take my long-distance friends for granted but sometimes it's so different talking to someone through an online messenger rather than to their face. So, here is mine. If you have one you'd like to share, by all means, share away! As many as your heart desires!

P.S. that poem was written by Misha Collins, aka Castiel on Supernatural.

Okay, well...I'm not really good at hello's so...hey, yo, hola, konnichiwa, and shalom. I have absolutely nothing interesting to blog about, so it won't hurt my feelings in the least if you rolled your eyes and clicked to the next blog listed in your friends.

So, there I was lying in bed in the middle of the night/early morning, eyes wide open and blood boiling. No, this was not me playing slide and go seek with myself, it was my damned cat scratching on my door wanting out. But she can't because she doesn't realize that the second I my door would open, she would become instant Alpo. Kitty mignon (I think I may have ordered that from the Chinese restaurant down the street once...).

Anywho, back to the non-topic topic. So I'm laying there, freezing my ass off, and I just say screw it, I'm getting up. I look at the clock, it's three in the morning (and after watching Exorcism of Emily Rose, I am especially paranoid about this time...). *Sigh* Damn, what to do now...oh, I know! I'll work on my Big Bang (Livejournal Challenge) fic . For the past week or so I've been working on the second draft (first draft is about 27 thousand words..) but I've only got like two-ish chapters done. I'm lucky if I finish a single page a day. This wouldn't be so frustrating if my entire future wasn't pretty much riding on my writing, as well as the fact that writing is my passion and when kept from it, this writer gets a little cranky.

So sitting here all wrapped up in my robe and blankie, Mazzy Star's 'Into Dust' playing on repeat in the background, I open up the document and let my fingers start typing. Now, I expected only to get like one scene done, maybe two if I was really feeling it. So, imagine my shock when I finally get done for the day (at around eight in the morning) and I have about five or six scenes!! Even things I didn't know I was going to write! I just sat and let the ideas flow and I was happy and eager and excited and...DAMNIT!!!! Now I know why I have had a hard time writing lately. My best writing time when my ideas and motivation is at their peak is in the wee hours of the morning. It's still nice and dark out; the house is quiet because Mom's not home yet from graveyard and Dad's watching tv quietly in the living room (he rises with the chickens); but I'm not tired because I've just gotten a good, half-nights sleep!

I guess the only positive thing about this (well, aside from actually finding a time when I'm able to write) is that I have a built in alarm clock. It's fuzzy, gray, purrs, and has a tendancy to tap me on the face at night if she feels I'm neglecting her by not playing with and/or petting her while in my sleep . So this was today.

Hmmm...what other pointless things can I tell you lot about? Oh, I know. I just finally got around to watching that movie American Beauty the other day. I thought it was going to be like something along the lines of American Pie, or at least Crush. But this movie had some real depth to it. I loved everything about it. I especially got kind of emotional when it was revealed that the seemingly homophobic military vet father was really a supressed homosexual. Actually I may have teared up a bit. And that part with the bag. If only we all could see the beauty in simplest things in life like that. Maybe there'd be no war or violence...*clicks on lighter* What if God smoke Cannibus!

Anything else? *Wracks brain* Uh...I think that's it. I'm totally waiting on the edge of my seat for the new episodes of Supernatural to air and OH!!! Okay. Well, my mom isn't big on paranormal/supernatural stuff. She is/was a Christian (one of the brain washed kind). I've pursuaded her to sit and watch like one or two episodes from each season whenever I bought a box set, but she was kind of bored with it and was anxious to get back to her life. Well, I was yet again surprised when I coaxed her into watching Lazarus Rising and she actually wanted to sit and talk about it afterward AND even agreed to watch two episodes a week with me . That benifits us both because it gets her (okay, and me) away from the computer and spending time together, which we hardly do. And it gives me a chance to share my favorite show ever with her. Even more surprising was when my DAD actually sat and watched two episodes with us this week (Are You There God and In The Beginning). He actually kind of liked it, when he's been saying it's all demonic and wicca and stuff! So, I have my hooks in them and I'm now attempting to reel them in. I think I pretty much have my mom because she keeps reminding me our Supernatural day (thursdays, naturally) is coming up . Yay!

Okay, I've run out of pointless things to bore you about, so it is now time for me to bid you all a good night/day. TTFN, Tah Tah For Now.