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Friday, Oct 31, 2008

This girl- her name is Bella- and I have been friends practically our whole lives. She been there for me through a lot of hard times and I've been there for her. But now I feel totally helpless.

Recently, Bella's been diagnosed with leukemia. And she took the news really hard. Today after her doctor's appointment, I went to her dorm to see her and I found her laying on the floor with her wrists bleeding. Yes, she cut herself. I got her to the hospital quickly and that's where she is now. She's not hurt- she didn't cut deep enough- but she has to go to therapy now and she's starting chemo in a few days.

And an hour ago, when she woke up me and her got into a huge fight nd I said some really mean things. I wasn't thinking and I told her something completely horrible that I wish to god I didnt say....I said: "I wished you would've cut yourself deep enough. Then you would've died and I wouldn't have to see your stupid self ever again"

I didn't mean it! I was just so pissed at her for cutting herself and it just came out. I'm going back to see her in a few to apologize but now I'm just really, really heartbroken over her....

Comments

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Oh wow. (I just tracked you ) I'm really sorry about your friend. I think she'll realize that you didn't mean it! I think everyone knows we all say things out of anger.
Posted Oct 31, 2008 8:41 pm PT
thnx leesey. i hope ur right
Posted Oct 31, 2008 10:17 pm PT
I know what it's like to have a friend who has cancer and I also know what it's like to have a friend who wants to...you know... (I won't say it). It's really hard and I don't handle it very well. I know you didn't mean to say that cuz you're sooooo sweet. When friends of mine wanna do that to themselves I try to make them realize that they're needed and loved. Just let her know that you care about her a lot and that she's needed.

And I have a best friend with stomach cancer. It's really hard on me and her daughter and it really sucks. I know what it's like.

*Sweater hugs*
Posted Oct 31, 2008 10:35 pm PT
Omg I'm sorry dude that sux rly bad I hope she gets better
Posted Oct 31, 2008 11:11 pm PT
[This message was deleted at the request of the original poster]
Posted Oct 31, 2008 11:32 pm PT
Awwww Sweetie don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure she'll understand that you never meant to hurt her. I agree with my little Tiffy-Poo. You are a sweet person. I think you must be an angel. Think about it. You've brought so much joy into Tiffy's life and I know you bring joy into Bella's life. I know things look grim right now, but Sweetie, stay by her side and let her know what a special friend she is to you. And let her know that you'll always be there for her. Sweetie I know what she's going through. I once had Leukemia but I got through it with my friends and family by my side. I'm sure she'll understand that what you said was unintentional and that you still care about her. You're such a sweetheart. When we're angry or sad or scared, we all say things we usually wouldn't say. It's understandable that you were upset. I have also had friends attempting to commit suicide and it scared me so much that I ended up saying things to them that I shouldn't have said. We always made up in the end. I know you and her will as well. And Sweetie? Let her know that I am praying for her and that I know what she's going through. I believe she'll get through this but she has to believe in herself. I believe in her. I know she'll get through it. God bless the both of you.
Posted Oct 31, 2008 11:33 pm PT
*hugs* Hope everything turns out all right.
Posted Nov 1, 2008 3:48 am PT
Aww. I'm so sorry! I really hope you and her work things out. She'll understand. Friends get into fights. It's normal. My mom and I are definitely gonna pray for you. Actually, my mom is head of an online club on a website. The club's called "Let Us Pray for You," and what we do is we have several different forums. One is for us just getting to know each other. Another is for if you wanna pray for someone. Another is for if you want someone to pray for you. Another is for where you talk about prayers that've been answered in your past, and finally, there's one where you talk about what God means to you. I'm going to mention you in the forums, and I hope everything gets better for you.
Posted Nov 1, 2008 5:23 am PT
Awww, I'm sooooo sorry about your friend! I hope she's okay and I hope you guys make up.

Btw, I'm Abbie. I'm Jane's little sis. When Jane had cancer...TWICE, it was like hell for me, especially the second time which was this past year. Yeah she and I had some fights and stuff and I was incredibly depressed! And I was scared. I was really upset when Jane was being cyber-bullied and it drove her to thinking she wanted to let her cancer just take over and kill her. But she survived and beat the cancer both times. I think your friend will, too. Let her know you believe in her, and tell her she's gotta believe in herself.
Posted Nov 1, 2008 6:21 am PT
*Gives you two happy sweaters, one for you and one for Bella*
Posted Nov 1, 2008 6:59 am PT
I hope everything gets better
Posted Nov 1, 2008 8:08 am PT
thanks you guuys and nice to meet you Abbie. i still haven't went and talked to Bella. I guess Im too chicken to see her...
Posted Nov 1, 2008 11:07 am PT
thanks you guuys and nice to meet you Abbie. i still haven't went and talked to Bella. I guess Im too chicken to see her...
Posted Nov 1, 2008 11:07 am PT
Oh Honey don't be afraid. I know it can be nerve-wrecking to face a friend you've had a fight with, but I know you can fix things with her. Just believe in yourself, and know that I'm praying for the both of you.
Posted Nov 1, 2008 11:18 am PT
I love you Ryan.
Posted Nov 1, 2008 11:22 am PT
It'll be okay
Posted Nov 1, 2008 11:56 am PT
Look what I did for you in my new blog.
Posted Nov 1, 2008 11:57 am PT
Ryan I have a couple friends who cute themselves and I know how scary it is! And I realize now, I can't save them from themselves. I can be there for them and help them through tough times. We all say things we don't mean. We all can't be perfect all the time. And don't expect yourself to be. Just remember your TV.COM friends are here for you
Posted Nov 1, 2008 4:51 pm PT
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