"There was a kid I used to know he thought that he had class. But no one ever liked his, short black skinny ass. He said he went all over the world from Germany to Japan. But the only thing he really owned was a rusty ass bedpan."

Those three sentences I used to describe a classmate of mine back in high school. Though it was really the beginning lyrics to an unfinished parody I wrote of Bloodstains by Agent Orange. Since I don't want to mention his real name for obvious reasons so for the sake of this story I'll call him Rodney Hines. Rodney was a smart kid you could hang out with that has all kinds of stories to tell you. From them you can tell that he's a military brat since his mother was in the military, of what branch she's apart of I have no clue.

After a while some of the stories began to not make since. For example he talked about his father who he hated. His only story was about how his father killed Rodney's girlfriend. So Rodney hired the military to kill his father. I know that story made no since.

His tales has gotten more out of line like claiming that the Richard Daley, the Mayor of Chicago was a member of the Klu Klux Klan. He told one teacher that our chess coach was going on vacation to China on Christmas Break. That really pissed our chess coach off. He always bragged that iPods were garbage and said he has an MP3 player that holds three times as many songs but he always carried a bulky CD player.

Over the summer a friend of mine, Jonathan called me to say that he doesn't believe all the stories Rodney's telling.

One day Rodney was attacked by a dozen kids from a rival school and said he managed fight off four of them at the same time and the other eight chased him four blocks down the street until they caught up with him to beat him up. Now if you see how skinny a guy Rodney is you can tell there is no way he can hold off four guys in hand-to-hand combat.

He told me one day that his house was robbed two nights ago. The robber came back to the house to supposedly rob it again but Rodney fights him off with a katana or something crazy like that. Now I thought, "why would the robber come back to the house to rob it again?"

He says he went to grammar school in Japan where he says his mom has five houses there. He has many friends from Brazil to the Philippines. Over a three day weekend he claimed he was in Germany on Monday and went back to the states tomorrow morning. He says he has a hummer but never drives to school. He says he has five Playstation 2s but what's the point of having more than one?

One day at lunch when he was talking about the things he owns I just yelled at him, "You don't have any of that stuff!" Everybody heard what I told him and plenty of people after while started to agree with me. Rodney did respond but it was nowhere major as what I did. After a while he stopped coming into the cafeteria for lunch.

Jonathan and I would joke about Rodney's stories. One day over the phone with Jonathan I pretended to be Rodney and impersonate him. My impersonation turned into a full blown parody of him. The parody of Rodney made it him look so poor you wonder how he paid for the tuition at our private high school.

In the Parody Rodney lives in a rundown shack with his grandmother and brother in a neighborhood that has in endless gang war between Black and Hispanic gangs. The Black gang thinks they're Hispanic and the Hispanic gang thinks they're Black. At least once a week his shack gets shot up in drive bys from any of the two factions. He started living there when his mother was killed in Iraq by a gunshot to the head on the same day the U.S military captured Baghdad.

In real life Rodney says that his grandmother is in catering, but in the parody she's really a janitor at the catering building and gets paid in Canadian pennies. That Rodney calls Canadian Lincolns. I made him have a lot of pride in his grandmother getting paid in Canadian pennies and an almost worn sofa that is good piece of furniture in his shack covered in feces that he claims is new upholstery. About all of the stuff that Rodney claims he has. In the parody he bought all that stuff with a credit card he got by using false information. With that he managed to buy a house in that neighborhood that was nice looking. However, he ended up having all of that stuff get stolen by the rival gangs, kicked out of the house and moved back into the shack.

He had to walk six blocks to the nearest currency exchange at five in the morning just to avoid the gangs so he can get usable money but he barely has money for anything. He got a 1996 Olympic Games basketball jersey he got by beating up a 12 year old kid on the street. In real life he wears that jersey. He gets his haircut from a homeless out of work barber who is mentally deranged and thinks it's still 1996. That explains why he has a part in his hair in real life. You might see guys with parts in the 90's but not in this day.

All that stuff I thought up in that parody might not make sense to most people but if you actually talk to him and get to know him you can tell how much of a liar he can be. I haven't been in contact with him since we graduated high school. I have him on my friends list on my Facebook and Tagged account. But he never put up any photos of himself, just pictures of one of his favorite animes.

My Chess coach has a theory that Rodney's father wasn't there for him so somehow he started resorted to lying. I wish I wrote this parody back in high school. Whenever I tell Jonathan about my story he would always start laughing about Rodney Hines and the Canadian Lincolns.