A couple days ago, I picked up a game from my childhood, Krazy Ivan, from a used media store. While the gameplay was nothing special (in fact, it was a bit unbearable), the live-action cutscenes reminded me of the glory years of my gaming lifestyIe. The B-movie acting, now-primitive CG effects, and awkward scripts fashioned each scene into an example of a lost art in video games. Back in the olden times of the 90s, video games slowly but surely made the transition from cartridges to CDs (the Nintendo 64, a fantastic system in its own right, notwithstanding). With this new technology came a wealth of possibilities for developers and a new philosophy that the narrative evolution of video games came ever so closer to movies. Here we look back at those whimsical years when the use of live actors was all-the-rage:

Command & Conquer Series

Facial hair factoid: Goatees are evil.

When talking to someone about live-action cutscenes, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the Command & Conquer series comes up as a first response. With its widely popular titles and memorable villain Kane, even players who haven't been regulars to the series more than likely recall its live-action cutscenes. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that, on top of solidifying Kane as one of the most memorable video game foes of all time, the Command & Conquer series popularized live-action cutscenes for a brief period of time. This method of storytelling became a mainstay for a great deal of the series and is said to be included in the newest entry: Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight.

Example:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuUVsEOqGvY

Wing Commander III + IV

This is not the cutscene you're looking for...

It may bewilder some how the developers of the Wing Commander series managed to rope in A-list actors such as Mark Hamill (Pictured above) and Malcom McDowell for their third and fourth installments, but these two titles are excellent space shooters. The enjoyment was greatly enhanced by the various live-action cutscenes that covered both major and minor plot points, which had some impressive visual quality for their time as well as its overall above-average acting (by live-action video game acting standards anyway). Needless to say, the graphics in the scenes have aged horribly in every sense of the word but it is interesting to see such prominent actors take on a role in a video game.

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt8vD5y0eE8

Resident Evil (Original Version)

I am so serious that I am showing it with my face.

With easily the worst acting both in voices and live-action, the original Resident Evil's acting established the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel narrative quality that is more comedic than engaging. It would be impossible to call any of the acting "A-list" quality, let alone even "B-list". Simply put, the abysmal acting was in a cIass of its own, probably somewhere down with home movies at least. Although the startle-based pacing compensated for most of the acting, lines like "You almost became a Jill sandwich!" are hard to forgive. Anyone who picked up a controller in the 90s at least rented this game and remembers the awesomely bad opening sequence, especially the "CAST!" scene.

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXutugd67DA

Night Trap

I thought for a while and...Well...I can't come up with anything...

A cult cIassic in the video game industry, Night Trap was originally released on the Sega CD which is usually associated with the small, low-quality live-action videos that most of its games used. Using different cameras placed around a suburban home, the player is supposed to catch the staggering, black-clad baddies before they laid their hands on the unsuspecting party goers populating the building. While the concept and presentation were fairly original, the execution in the final product made the entire experience feel more like a cheesy low-budget horror flick than an actual game. The most notable scene of the entire game involves a little jaunty tune referencing the game itself with full-on air guitar with a tennis racket.

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCPL3DJ72tM

-

In summary, live-action cutscenes have their own little special place in gaming history. From the usually horrendous acting to the sub-par production values, this manner of storytelling gave off a unique kind of "so-bad-its-good" aura that modern cutscenes, probably for the better, do not imitate. Even so, live-action cutscenes remind us all that, even though technology is rapidly evolving every year, its always fun to look back on the things we all thought were awesome at the time...And then wonder what we were thinking.

Let's face it, any gamer who has been playing from their childhood years and beyond have done some pretty juvenile things which were, in essence, the digital equivalent to drawing graffiti on your desk in grade school. Even though gamers tend to be more mature nowadays (if you look in the right places), its always fun to lower oneself to these gleeful methods of abusing freedoms and cheating the system. Listed are ones that seem to be the most common:

Abused the "Enter Your Name" Feature

"and yay I shall dub thee Fartface, redeemer of mankind!"

Let's face it, anyone who's played an RPG in the 90s surely remembers using the "Enter Your Name" feature to replace the default names for characters with expletives or childish nonsense. I admit to playing Final Fantasy VII, renaming Cloud "Wifflebra" (among other, less sophisticated words) and, for some strange urge, renaming Barret "Mr. T" without so much as a second thought. Replacing character names with such filthy or paradoic terms respectively brought hours of enjoyment (and childlike giggling) whenever characters used an inappropriate name in a surprisingly fitting sentence.

Tortured Escort Characters

I swear if you let out another ear-bleeding wail one more time...

Gaming fact: nobody likes escort missions, especially when the escortee is a defenseless hindrance that dies far too easily. Yes, I'm mainly talking about Ashley (pictured above from Resident Evil 4) but there are plenty of other great games which do the same general thing: Escorting E.E. in Metal Gear Solid 2, any character following you in Siren, and so on. Sometimes frustration gets the better of all of us and we need to unwind...By unloading a truckload of lead into that useless crybaby's face.

In fact, here's a little video I found showing such behavior:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhWPchLeIP4

Enjoy!

Splitscreen Peeking

Do not look at the bottom screen. You did? CHEATORZ!!!1

Back in the olden days when gas was under a dollar and Rockem Sockem Robots were all the rage, splitscreen was the only option for competitive multiplayer. Although multiplayer evolved to include LAN play and, eventually, online play (Halo provided all three, in fact), the undeniable charm of being within smacking distance of the other player is what allows splitscreen to withstand the test of time. While some smacking of buddies came from using cheap tactics such as camping and learning all the maps to the point you could scope out all the respawn points (which happens online as well), the majority of backhands came from obviously glancing over at the other player's screen to know their exact location. Of course, wandering eyes did have some part in looking over most of the time but every attempt can be easily cIassified as cheating.

Tried to Obey the Law in a Grand Theft Auto Game

Next mission: Drive the speed limit in a legitimately purchased vehicle

Any person who has played Grand Theft Auto for one too many hours can easily relate to this. All the mass murdering, cop killing, and skull bashing can become tedious after a while and sometimes its enjoyable to experiment with the rules of Grand Theft Auto and try to play like an average, mild-mannered citizen; sort of like The Sims but you have the potential to mow down a crowd of innocent bystanders with a garbage truck. I myself have spent a little more time than needed trying to obey traffic laws until I accidentally tap the rear end of a police car, prompting them to leap out of their cruiser and attempt to shoot me in the face.

Mouthed Off in an Online Game (Without a Headset)

IF YOU COULD ONLY HEAR HOW MAD I AM!!!

Everyone pretty much knows about the stereotypical adolescent rage that spews from online FPS servers but the hoarsest of rage comes not from a microphone, but from a man screaming at his computer in the middle of the night. Having a mic to "express" oneself to other players who have bested you is one thing, but doing so with the same sense of accomplishment that comes from yelling at a brick wall is another. The most obnoxious of the obnoxious is truly seen but not heard.

Played a Racing Sim Like a Bumper Car Sim

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

For the target audience of racing sims, the thrill of fine-tuning a junker into a complicated masterpiece of an automobile through hours of precise work is a work of art. For everyone else, its an excuse to lazily bypass such features by rubbing against other cars in order to compensate for not adjusting anything at all because we're not going to be fiddling with the torque for two hours just to get a better lap time. Although such crude tactics pay off for the first few races, we realize by the more advanced circuits that we should've just went with Burnout instead.

A new decade just came rolling in and its time to look forward to the future! However, it usually is pleasurable to look to the past to remember the good times of past days. However, there are some horrifying experiences that we can never, ever forget no matter how hard we try. If anyone recalls the 7 Games Guaranteed to Make You Rage Quit article I wrote some time ago it should be noted that this list, unlike the aforementioned piece, is about games that are frustrating due to poor programming. I have played my fair share of horrid games over my 15 years of experience and, while some of the bad ones were annoying, the following should have each and every existing copy smashed to bits with a hammer and then thrown into a smelting vat:

7. Enter the Matrix (PS2)

A cookie-cutter game in the strictest regard, Enter the Matrix was the most obvious cash-in I have ever played. Every part of this game is lazily done: the shooting sequences lack any kind of depth to be immersing (not to mention aiming can be a pain), fistfights against bosses can be incredibly one-sided due to unpredictable AI behavior, and the graphics are simply ugly for the PS2. Enter the Matrix is one of the most joyless, bland experiences gaming has to offer.

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w98RbvEU_d0

6. Hybrid Heaven (N64)

Nowadays, Hybrid Heaven is a forgotten title and I can rest easy knowing such. Although it had some interesting RPG elements (such as stats of each body part's offense and defense), there was way too much bogging this game down. The exploration elements were absolutely awful (due in part from a bad camera system), the combat controls were stiff as a board, the sci-fi themed story was incomparably shoddy, and it had the most erratic difficulty curve of all time. Who knew that Konami could dispense such a horrible game?

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y6g169ccFk

5. Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles (DS)

Taking a great name in gaming and grounding it into the dirt is exactly what Ubisoft did with its DS adaptation of the series. The free-roaming styIe was replaced with unfair, unresponsive platforming sequences and cheap enemies while thieving was done mainly through a gimmicky touchscreen version of Operation in which the item needed to be taken couldn't touch the sides or other items in the target's pocket.

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35sxJVMMppY

4. Conflict: Desert Storm (PS2)

A shameless SOCOM: Navy SEALS clone, Conflict: Desert storm took each and every aspect of the superb squad-based shooter and put them through a wringer to make a paper-thin, dull replica. Nearly every aspect of this game was atrocious. From the lackluster story to the frustrating gameplay (both single player and Co-op) and everything in between, there was nothing redeeming about this horrid piece of shovelware.

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dwL2xIEljQ

3. Advent Rising (Xbox)

First off, let me note something about this game: it had a $1,000,000 contest that never saw a winner. That should set the tone for a game like Advent Rising: a title that promises too much and ultimately fails to live up to any and all expectations. Horrible glitches, shoddy controls, and a story with characters ripped straight out of Halo made Advent Rising not only one of the worst games I've had the displeasure of playing, but also one of the most derivative. There was very little to like throughout the experience, especially in regard to characters and their design. Humans looked like bow-legged rag dolls with generic personalities and the aliens, as stated above, were not original in their design. By far the worst part were the majority of cutscenes which featured some of the laziest camera work I've ever seen.

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2b1tP_gkM4

2. Superman 64 (N64)

I refuse to give this garbage a larger image.

Yes, it may seem obligatory to put this on a horrible game list but its nightmarish in every sense of the word. Honestly, I required therapy after playing this abomination. I probably don't need to describe this game for well over 80% of people who read this but for those who are unfamiliar...Oh, just look at the video. Even talking about this makes my blood boil...

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNpBwU3PTX8

1. Red Alarm (Virtual Boy)

...And I refuse to even show a picture of this abomination's box.

Now, before I begin, let me say that I never bought that abomination of a system. Instead, I played this as a demo at a toy store when I was a kid and it did more than enough to convince me that this system harbored the worst graphics in all of gaming history. Its literally impossible to even know where anything is in this wire frame mess, making Superman 64 even more playable than this piece of rancid trash. Seriously, just look at that video I posted; doesn't it look like Nintendo stopped halfway through developing this? I could go on forever about how much I loathe this game but I'll let the gameplay video do the talking.

The horror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlQ7GqEDoGM

WARNING: video may hurt eyes...Just like actually playing the wretched thing did to mine.

-

In closing, let it be noted that these are only games that I have personally played, which is why such horrible games like Big Rigs and Dragonball Z: Ultimate Battle 22 did not make the list. Before anyone asks: No, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to play games on that level of badness.

With all hope, I will never play another game on the same level of horror as the above.

Feel free to share some of your experiences in the comment box so you can leave those memories to lie and never, ever have to think about them again for the rest of your oxygen-breathing days.