Pissed off. Haven't written in here for so long, haven't had much to say really. Term had been trundling along OK, too much work, but nothing very exciting. But now, I'm really pissed off, and need to rant about it. Which probably won't achieve anything - already ranted to boyfriend for a while, made me feel a little bit better, but not really.

So yeah..... I dunno why it started. I was lying in bed playing PSP, and just started thinking about the old days..... Secondary school, my old group of friends.... dunno why. And how it all went bad, and got into huge arguments with each other, and we all used to back stab and complain about each other behind their backs.... everyone did it to everyone. No idea why I was thinking about it, but I was.... and got kinda angry. And thinking about how stupid it all was.

So I was in this kinda bad mood, but knew I was playing netball, which I thought would make things better, it usually does, good way to vent. But they didn't put me on to play in the first half, so I was standing there getting bored and more pissed off. Usually I can accept sitting on the sidelines, but today, I really needed to play, get the bad feelings out my system. Then at half time, they were like "the team's playing really well together, we probably shouldn't swap round". So I kicked up this huuuuge fuss, because I had actually been invited to go to London to meet a friend, but I'd said no because I was playing in this damn match, and I could've really done with seeing the friend, but knew I was busy. So having made a personal sacrifice to come to the match, was determined to actually play in it. So they put me in.

And then I let 5 goals in. Which felt bad. But was even worse, because people kept shouting at me to do better. But when I did well, nobody cared. And other people were making more - and worse mistakes. Also, in the mood I was in, I was NOT very able to tolerate guys who have been playing for all of 6 weeks telling me how to play, considering I played consistently for about 7 years. I know what to do, I just don't always do it very well. But when I did do well, nobody noticed.

And the stupid umpire called me up for a rule that I hadn't actually broken. Basically, if you're actively marking a player, you have to be 3 feet away from them. But I wasn't actively marking the guy, because I knew I couldn't from the position he was standing, so I just stood near him, and the umpire told me he was too close. So I pointed out that, as I wasn't marking, I could stand wherever the hell I wanted, as long as I wasn't actually touching him. And she told meI was wrong. Just checked the official rules, and I was right. And why did I know I was right? Because I have been playing for 7 damn years. But, to rub it in even more, there were PLENTY of people who did actually break rules, and nobody noticed or cared.

Then at the end of the match, everyone was saying how they wished Jasper could play. Jasper's the other guy who plays my position. So basically what they were saying is, "you're not good enough, we want someone else". Which was great.

So now I'm pissed off. I am actually seriously considering quitting. It's just not worth it. I was enjoying the mixed team at first, it tends to have a nicer atmosphere than the ladies team. But if they're gonna treat me like crap, it's not worth it. At least the ladies team appreciates me.

I should've just gone to London.

I wanna go home.

*gasp* In less than an hour, I stop being a teenager! (OK, technically I was born at something stupid like 4am, but I'm going to count myself as 20 from midnight anyway. Like I'll be awake at 4am....)

It's really, really, really weird. But then, I complained about how I didn't want to turn 19 because 18 was a good age, but 19 was pretty good fun too. So hopefully the same thing will happen again ^_^ I think this birthday should be a lot more fun than the last one, because more people know me here and stuff now. So that's exciting =D I have now actually lost track of the number of people who have talked about taking me out for something or other, heh.

It is also very bizarre though. I walked into a lecture this morning, and one of my friends started shouting loudly, "it's a very important day tomorrow!" and I just looked at her blankly for a while. Then I sort of started thinking..... Does she mean my birthday? It's not tomorrow, is it??? All very confusing. But I got there eventually.

I did get a big exciting parcel from my family, which I may have to start opening at midnight ^_^ I think I can just about justify it on the grounds that tomorrow is going to be very busy, and I don't know when else I'll have time....

49 minutes to go =P

Argh.... still feeling so tired and drained. Things just seem so hectic at the moment, too much I have to do. After this week, it'll be slightly less busy for a while, but in week 5, a load more lectures are going to start, and I don't know how I'm going to cope.

And I've just agreed to have more supervisions on Thursday, which was possibly a bit stupid, as there are now some days where I'm going to have 6-7 hours of almost constant teaching. That's gonna be hell. But she said it was the best day for her, and I didn't want to be difficult *sigh*

But I got my handbook today, which has loads of useful information in it, including the lecture timetables for the whole year. And it looks like this term is really busy, but then there's almost nothing the other two terms. So in a way, things can only get better. Until exams come along....

I know why I have a headache now, damnit. It's 3pm, I've been awake since 9.20, and all I've had to eat/drink was a hot chocolate, bar of chocolate, and some water. I'll get something more substantial soon. I did have time for breakfast, but wasn't hungry, so figurd I'd get something later. Then I was going to go for lunch with a friend, but she decided she wasn't hungry, so bleh. Then I came back here, and was going to get some food.... But haven't got round to it yet. Need to go food shopping really, but don't have the energy for that.

Also, been spending loads of time trying to sort out my stupid room key=/ I lost it yesterday, and spent most of yesterday running round town trying to find it. To no success. So I went to the porters lodge today, and now one of the nicer porters is sorting it out for me =D I was meant to go to the college marshall to ask for a new one, but I hadn't managed to summon up enough energy to do so. But I just had an email from the porter saying he did it for me, so yay. All the porters are nice really, but most of them like to tease you and stuff. I think this one realised that I couldn't really cope with teasing, so is being super nice to me instead, which is really, really helpful right now.

And.... uuuggghhh.... I'm going to dinner tonight with some friends, which I was really excited about before, but now I'm just so tired... But it's all booked and paid for and stuff, so I kinda have to go. Maybe I'll be feeling better in a few hours. Torn between not drinking so that I can do some work tonight, or drink so much that I forget about all the pressure on me right now. Not sure what the better course of action is right now. Will see how I feel later.

And then there's this Greek play running from Wednesday to Saturday, and I've been volunteered to do some stuff to help out with that, and I don't want to do that anymore either, but I don't really have a choice. But this week's already so busy =( It's also screwed up my birthday plans for Friday, so bleh. Not sure what I'm going to do anymore. Before I wanted to have a really big party, but now I don't care anymore. Not going to organise anything. Some of my friends have been talking about taking me out for lunch/dinner/to the pub/to a party...... I think if any of them do organise something, I'll happily go, but I just can't be bothered to make the actual effort of arranging it myself. Too much else to think about.

And I'm going through one of those phases of not sleeping properly, which is really pissing me off, as I need the sleep right now. I'll go to bed fairly early, but then just lay awake for aaaages. It's pissing me off. These phases don't last long though, so hopefully they'll pass soon.

And my muscles are STILL aching slightly from playing netball on Sunday (although that was really, really good fun). But, coupled with some blisters I got running around town yesterday trying to find my damn key, is making moving quite painful, which isn't helpful, especially now when I'm so busy. It is getting better though, which is good, but now I might be playing netball on Fridays as well as Sundays, which is going to absolutely kill me. But it's such good fun. Anyway, the pain is partially my own fault for not stretching properly (it's been three years since I last had to stretch, so I forgot a few.... and the stretches I did do, I didn't do as well as I should have done. Won't be making that mistake again). But I hadn't realised how much I missed playing, so definitely going to continue, even if it does actually kill me. I need to play right now, one of my few ways of venting pent-up energy.

Bleh, I had a lecture on that today. It didn't make a lot of sense. His lectures never do. Oh well. I think they're the kind of thing where, at the time they make no sense, but then you look back on the notes a few weeks later, and it suddenly all makes sense. Hoping that'll be the case anyway. We shall see.

And I haven't forgotten that I said I might put up some pictures of the party last Friday. But I didn't actually take any photos of myself, and some of my friends have, but they haven't uploaded them yet (or if they have uploaded them, they're just not very good pictures). There are a couple I like, but meh. Too lazy to do that right now. Might share them in the future.

Now, I'm going to go get some food before I die. I really didn't mean to ramble on this long =/ There is far too much in my head right now.

Update: Food makes things seem better =P