So I'm bored and apparently stuck in bold... but there you go. I like bold. It's pretty.

Annnnnnyhoooo - I gakked this from Mac. *is a big fat stealer-bum*

A

Are you available? No. Unless you're Dean Winchester. Or Jake Gyllenhaal. Or that really hot surfer guy that I met down at Cactus Beach the other day... I mean, No. I'm not available.

What is your age? 25. And not a day older. I promise.

B

Do you know anyone named Brian? Ummmm. Pass? The only Brian I even know is Brian Austin Green... and I'm so showing my age there...

When is your birthday? Sometime... you'd think I'd remember after all these years...

C

What's your favourite candy? ANYTHING. Although I'd have to go mush and say ... "My boyfriend." *giggle*

What kind of car do you have? A 2003 Toyota Corolla Ascent Sport. Named Eleanor. Like in the movie... *giggle*

Who do you have a crush on? My boyfriend. *dreamy fangirl sigh*

D

Do you daydream? Only about my boyfriend. *giggle*

What's your favourite kind of dog? Dalmations and Dachshunds. Although nothing can beat a workin dog.

Have you ever been in the emergency room? Nope, but Mac's comin to visit in a couple of weeks so I'm sure I'll make at least one visit. Either that or I'll end up on the liver list.

E

Ever pet an elephant? Eh?

What are you eating right now? Nothing. I WISH I was eating a double chocolate brownie ice cream stack with creamy caramel sauce and walnut sprinkles. *drools*

Do you use fly swatters? Why use brute force when you can use chemical warfare?

Is there a fan in your room? There sure is!!!!

G

Do you chew gum? Only when I'm poor and can't afford real food.

Do you like Gory movies? F**K yeah!!!!

H

How are you? "Fine and Dandy. Looking forward to the weekend fo sho." I WAS fine until I saw that Mac had stolen my vocab. *hits Mac upside the head*

What's your height? "Yay high?" Ditto...

What colour is your hair? Kinda pinky reddy purply brown? Yeah - I fudged up too.

I

Have you ever ice skated? Gimme a break. Ice = cold.

Ever been in an igloo? Eh?

J

Favourite Jelly Bean? ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!

Do you wear jewellery? A leather necklace with a) a key, b) an ocean pendant, c) an amber pendent, and d) a pentagram. Two rings. Two pairs of earings + 1. A tongue ring. That is all. I'm a walking jewellery shop.

K

Who do you want to kill? No comment. My karma ran over your dogma. I try not to have such negative thoughts. I might get run over my a herd of speeding elephants.

Have you ever flown a kite? Nope. I've been knocked out by one though.

Do you think kangaroos are cute? No. They're ugly and they make a mess when you hit them in your car. But, yes - Mac is right - they taste good.

L

Are you laid back? "Practically horizontal. It comes with being Aussie." F**k, ey!

Lions or Tigers? "Or bears oh my!" OMFG!!! MAC!!!! GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!! LMFAO!!!!!

Do you like black licorice? I sure do!!

M

Favourite store at the mall? What's a mall?

Favourite movie? I don't watch movies.

N

Do you have a nickname? Belle, looleebelle, b!tchface - you know, just the usual.

Do you prefer night or day? Depends what I'm doing. Or who... *giggle*

O

Are you an only child? Nope.

Do you like the colour orange? I do. In certain shades. Other shades make me want to kill someone... *twitches*

P

Do you know anyone named Penelope? "No... and I'm kinda glad about that." Roger that...

Q

Have you ever eaten Quail? Yep. There's a really nice Vietnamese restaurant in Carlton that serves WICKED quail.

R

Do you think you're always right? I am. Until proven otherwise. And I'm never afraid to admit that I'm wrong. *shrugs* It's a talent...

Do you watch Reality TV? "Farck no. Hate it with an unjustified passion" THIS is why she's my evil twin.

S

Do you prefer sun or rain? Sun. But after 121 days of it without fail, you get a little over it.

Do you like snow? NO!!! It's evil, cold, wet stuff!!!!!!!!

T

What time is it? 9.47pm Australian Central Time.

What time did you wake up? 6.30am. The usual.

U

Can you ride a unicycle? "Give me a 6 pack of beer, half an hour and I'll sure as sh!t try" Bollocks Mac... It'd only take you half that before you're risking life and limb...

V

Did you ever watch VeggieTales? Eh?

W

What's your worst habit? Not tolerating West Coast Supporters... They deserve - wait. There's something wrong here...

What do you want right now? My boyfriend. *dreamy fangirl sigh*

X

Have you ever had an X-ray? "Me teeth." Ditto... This is getting scary...

Ever used a xerox machine? "A what-what?" A photocopy machine, doofus.

Y

Do you like the colour yellow? Yeah. In certain shades... OMG!! IT'S THE DUDE FROM GHOSTFACERS ON CSI: NY!!!!! *is distracted*

What year were you born in? 82... give or take a few years. *grins*

Do you yell when you're angry? "Oh yeah, sometimes flail wildly as well" Oh God... *gets out Sumo suit*

Z

Do you believe in the zodiac? Some days. When I have to spend copious amounts of time with either Geminis or Aquarians. *face/desk*

There - all stoled... Heee!

Tank yoo. Dat is alls. *hugs*

Hello...? Anyone remember me?

*poke poke poke*

Annnnnyhoo - so I got this new job... halfway across the country... and it's cool... but it keeps me busy...

Pro: I get paid.

Con: I have to work for my moneh.

Pro: I get to spend lots of time out on the beach

Con: sometimes that's not all that fun (take today, for example. 40 knot southerlys p**sing rain and here's me on the edge of a cliff trying to take GPS readings. Made of so much epic fail even my year 10 maths teacher would be impressed...)

Pro: My boy lives out here.

Con: my pony isn't.

Pro: I get to watch Life On Mars coz I can get ABC... FTW!!!

Con: I don't get Supernatural *shakes fist @ Imparja TV and stupid crap Gold Coast TV*

So I was thinkin "how could I make this interesting?" and the little voices in my head replied "You could do a story like Mac" and I thought "No, not a good idea, coz my plot bunnies are either a) wh0res or b) dead". So that idea was out. Then I thought - "SPN pic!spam" then I realised that all my pictures are on my other computer.

*face/desk*

That put the kybosh on that one.

Then I says to Mabel (yes I stole her from Mac. But Mac stole my pickle, so she deserved it)

CUTE PUPPY and KITTY PIC!SPAM - FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!

and finally...

*LIQUID WARNING*

Thankyou. That is all.

*hugs*

Hey Kids!

*waves*

Sorry I didn't update yesterday - got sidetracked... Anyway, Today I'm here, and Mac is here - Say Hi Mac!*faint echoes of"Wassup!" from across the Nullarbor* - and we have more crack!ficfor you! *dances with crack fairies*

But - housekeeping. Sorry - Mac brings up a very important point inher chapter today, so I thought I would cover both our asses so wedon't end up being sued forthe shirts on our backs by the owners of various entities whom we've *cough* borrowed *cough* for the purposes of this fic.

So...

** Disclaimer **

The characters and events depicted in the chapters of this story are fictional, and solely the property of the people who thought them up (ie; not us, because we're not that smart...). However, Sarg. Julsus, Major Kimmy and the superfantastico Castle Greyskull guards Mac and Belle are owned by themselves and themselves only. That said, no disrespect is meant if we kinda twist and tarnish said characters which are not our own. No monetary profits are made by us - payment in comments and laughs is, however, encouraged. Don't sue us, we're poor.

***

Alright, in other news...

We have a title!

*Points at Blog Header*

YAY! Go US!!! *dances like a mad monkey*

Great, now that's out of the way, we can get on to the most important part...

THE CRACK!!!

wOOt!

*********************************************************************************

Skeletor pulled a giant sword from his belt and stepped menacingly forward across the chamber. Sam's eyes went wide at the sight of the massive blade but he came to the conclusion that the Evil Overlord must just be over compensating for ...something, before pulling his pistol out from the back of his jeans.

"Oh what's all this then ey lad? I thought I said draw your sword!"

Sam just shrugged and aimed the gun, "this is how I roll."

"Very well," said Skeletor before letting out a loud battle cry as he charged across the room.

Incidentally music very similar to that played at the end battle scene of `The Lord of the Rings` echoed throughout the chamber.

"Nice touch," said Mac.

"Why thank you," Belle answered as she turned up the volume.

Time seemed to slow as Skeletor charged at the young Winchester, the sword raised high above his head and murder in his eyes.

Sam focused, this shot had to count....

*Sound that gun makes when fired* (author - shifty eyes)

"Oh my nobblies! The Crown Jewels! ....ahhh Kelly Clarkson!"
.
Skeletor crashed to the ground, writhing in pain as Sam's bullet found it's mark.
.
Grinning triumphantly Sam turned away from the fallen Evil-doer and flashed the two young women the smile that swooned a thousand fangirls.

"Hee!"

"Squee!"

Skeletor stopped moving and Sam figured that he had lost consciousness from the pain, so with an air of slight arrogance Sam sauntered over to finish the job, pistol ready at his side.

...Too bad he failed to notice the slick puddle of freshly spilled coffee.

*Thud*

********************************************************************************

Back at Stagate HQ...

Dean settled back on his chair, staring across the room at their lecturer, who was pacing slightly neurotically back and forward in front of a large white board on which were drawn a number of cryptic symbols. He yawned, and his mind started to drift off to other places.

He wondered how far Sam had gotten on his quest, and felt a twang of guilt in his chest - he wished he'd never made the wisecrack about Sammy's fighting ability. He brushed the thought aside - it was too late now to start feeling sorry for himself; they had to get Sam back before he got himself smooshed into the consistency and colour of a Neopolitana sauce. Dean sighed and tried to concentrate on the intricacies of communicating with Quagaars and Luyfors. Or so the text in front of him said.

"Okay, squad," the young, slightly twitchy officer in front of them began. She took a long swig from her coffee mug.

"Ahhh, liquid crack," she muttered, petting her cup affectionately. She looked up as Ashton sneezed.

"My name is Sergeant Julsus. But you can call me Suze. I don't go for all that Sir/M'am crap... unless you're tied to my bed I mean unless the Major is around."

She reached into the pocket of her tightly tailored slacks and pulled out a controller and a laser pointer. She clicked a button and the wall behind her lit up with the rather unattractive picture of an alien somewhat resembling the deep-fried lovechild of King Kong and Dolly Parton. Dean grimaced.

"This," Suze instructed them, "is a Luyfor. It can kill you with it's brain. However, they are reasonable race if you come bearing gifts. Even the smallest gesture of kindness can placate the most fiercest Luyfor. There was this one time, at Band Camp...

only joking Suze...

"There was this one time, when the Major and I were stuck out in the middle of nowhere and our engines were dead and we were floating aimlessly in space like a pile of space junk and a Luyfor cruiser towed us back to earth in exchange for a Village Cinemas Gold Cla$$ Family Ticket. It was great. They even gave us these lovely pickle sandwiches and these candy canes that tasted a bit strange and were this funny brown colour but that didn't matter coz we'd run outta grub and were hungry by that stage and -"

"Uh, Sarg," Max interrupted. "On a timeline here..."

"Oh, right, save the head-strong little brother, home in time for happy hour, blah, blah, woof, woof," she grinned.

"Right, where were we? Oh, sure - Luyfors. They also happen to be care takers of the planet where Castle GreySkull is located. Since Big Ol' Skeletor flamed all the inhabitants of the planet because apparently they couldn't make his coffee just the way he likes it - or was that on the request of his guards? I can't remember, anyway - since all the inhabitants of the planet died a cruel and fiery death on the fires of his..."

*cue dramatic music and lighting*

"...Chamber of Secrets..."

*cut dramatic music and lighting*

" - which I think is just a big secret dungeon where he hides all his porn, but who am I to judge? - there has been no one but him and his guards and his slaves living there for hundreds of years, so the place is pretty much overgrown like the bikini line of an sixty-year old Hippie Naturalist. I mean, like seriously - even Don Burke and the Backyard Blitz team combined would struggle to get this place under control... I'm talkin' like, evil man-eating Girtuan thorn bushes the size of a small African nation. Long, curling vines thicker than Arnie's biceps - those bastards will crush you to death quicker than if you got in the way of Fergie Duchess of Pork I mean York at an all-you-can eat Buffet -"

MacGyver coughed. Suze stared at him blandly for a moment, then she continued.

"So anyway, these Luyfors are caretakers of the place, and they makes sure that anyone who goes near the place isn't going to stir up trouble and get creamed by Big Ol' Skeletor and his army of Darkness, which usually involves a lot of fire and brimstone and stinkiness that depletes the atmosphere and kills all the plants. That makes them really mad, see... and a mad Luyfor is a dangerous Luyfor. There was this one time, when the Major and I were out on this mission and we ran into this Quagaar scout party and we almost got out heads handed to us but this Luyfor turned up and blasted them outta the sky. Apparently one of the little environmental vandals had stepped on a Luyfor's wife's tomato plants a coupl'a galaxies away when he was working his other job as an intergalactic mailman and the Luyfor was just so outraged he sought vengeance the only way he knew how. Serves the Quagaar right if you ask me, the little -"

Dean was sure he heard Charlie cough from the chair next to MacGyver.

"So anyway, these Luyfors are caretakers of the place and they don't want you to stir up trouble that might make Skeletor go all Rip, Rip Woodchip on the planet's ass. They also don't want anyone just going in there and tearin' up the place like a bull in a China shop, coz looking for a person on this place is like looking for a needle in a stack of needles even if he is big enough to be seen from space, ya know what I'm saying?"

The team nodded.

"Lucky for you guys though," she grinned. "I've managed to secure you a guide for the trip, as well as the expressed permission from the Grand High Poobah Chancellor of Luyforia, the honorable Mr. John Howard (and you thought we just kicked him outta Kirribilly - Heck no! we found him a new job somewhere without an education system so he can't do any damage!, to enter the planet, so you won't get shot out of the sky the minute you make materialize out of the Stargate. Say thank you..."

"Uh, thanks Suze," the group chimed in unison.

"No problemo, Guillermo!" she replied. "He'll be waiting at the Stargate for y'all."

She pressed another button, and an equally disturbing picture of another creature appeared on the screen. Dean grimaced; that one looks like it crawled out of a sewer, rolled in a pile of feathers and leaves, then climbed up a dead tree to escape the angry mobs with torches and pitchforks, he though to himself.

"Whoa," Max breathed. "That thing fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Hey, Max, it's your mom!" Dean piped up. Max rolled her eyes.

"It's your girlfriend," she retorted.

"Actually, that is The Ugly Tree," Suze corrected her. "Source of the legend, meaning of the word, yada, yada, yada and all that jazz. They're found in the forests around the foot of Castle GreySkull. Gotta watch these little buggers, they'll whack you with a branch and you won't even know yourself. Turn ya uglier than a Drag-Queen the morning after Mardi Gras before ya can say Mike The Monkey. There is, however, an antidote and you'll get a vile of it in your survival kits. Now, they're pretty terrifying and not much scares them, but one thing does keep them in check, and that's the sound a chainsaw. You have a handheld speaker device in your survival kits."

"Can't we just have a chainsaw?" Dean interrupted her.

"Ah, no. Health and Safety. Sorry," Suze replied. She clicked her button again. The picture that flashed up on the screen drew audible gasps from the now-very attentive rescuers. It was......

********************************************************************************

EDIT: And coz we can't get our sh!t together, here's Mac's new part.

The world felt like it was spinning. Sam gingerly put a hand to the giant lump that had formed on the back of his head. Groaning, he opened his eyes and took in his new surroundings.

From what he could tell, he seemed to be in a jail cell of sorts. Giant slabs of rock formed the back wall, floor and ceiling, while rusty bars on three sides confined him (and much to his annoyance, the two guards from earlier, who were grinning and waving far too enthusiastically at him from the confines of their own cell). Lighting was provided by half a dozen torches along the wall outside of the cell, but the weak flames barely illuminated anything in great detail.

Sam pouted and leaned back against the cold wall.

"Morning sunshine!" beamed Belle from over near the bars that separated them from the next cell.

Mac, sitting down and leaning back against the same bars, also chimed in, "how goes?"

"What happened?" Sam grunted as he stood up. All he remembered was taking down Skeletor, but if he'd won, how the hell did he end up in prison?

Mac looked away and whistled casually.

"Uh," Belle started, "well you see what happened is..."

"It was an angry Luyfor!" Mac interrupted.

"...You stepped on a ball-bearing and went arse-up," Belle finished, over the top of her companion.

"Oh yeah! I mean... Wait, what? No, it was definitely a banana peel," Mac argued.

"That only happens in the movies, Idjit," Belle scoffed at her.

"Don't call me an Idjit! If it only happens in the movies then how did cousin Cecil break his arm then, huh? Huh?"

"He was drunk! And you dared him to jump the River of Death on a Pocket-Freaking-Rocket!"

"Meh. Details."

"Look! I don't care!" Sam shouted as he desperately tried to interrupt the two, "I'm not even gonna ask why I smell like a half-caff, double vanilla latte..."

" "

"...Anyways, I need to escape," Sam continued. Then he stopped. Something wasn't quite right about this situation. He felt... odd.

"Wait a minute. What the hell am I wearing?!?" he shouted as he finally noticed his strange and rather uncomfortable prison garb.

Mac laughed. "Oh that. You wouldn't think it, but Skeletor is a huge Star Wars geek, so he insists that all his prisoner be forced to wear the Princess Leia bikini from 'Empire Strikes Back."

*Gulp!*

"Wha -? ... Wait. You guys aren't wearing it!"

"Well of course not," Belle answered sternly, "We'd look ridiculous!"

Sam just whimpered as he tried to cover up his embarrassingly-pale thighs, before locating a torn and dirty old blanket in the corner of the cell, which he promptly used to cover his "dignity". It was only then that he realized that the guards were now busy talking to prisoners in the next cell.

"So dudes, help us. We gotta bust out. Skeletor ain't gonna let our last fudge-up slide, if you know what I mean," Belle whispered hurriedly to the shadows on the other side.

"Told ya Belle, it's your job to stop people getting into the castle," a small, squeaky voice answered. "Geez, I'm surprised he didn't doanything permanentafter you guys let all those Mexicans in."

"Damn that was a good fiesta," Belle reminisced.

"Ce senor," Mac agreed.

*high five*

Sam moved closer to get a look at the other prisoners, and almost jumped back in surprise when the light finally fell across and into the other cell, illuminating the occupants.

Two small, dopey-looking fellows, who probably would only have reached Sam's knee caps, grinned up at him. Messes of curly, dirty blonde and brown hair adorned their heads and they both had massive feet that were equally as hairy.

"Alright this is getting outta hand," Sam said to no one in particular, "not to mention the copious amounts of copyright laws that arebeing broken."

The hobbits just ignored him and turned back to the guards. "Well I suppose you must be in trouble, seeing as he's chucked you in here with us lot," the brunette one started before he was cut off by shouting from the back of the cell.

"Sam! Get back over 'ere! Frodo's being Emo again! I can't take it!"

Sam (the hobbit) sighed and muttered, "Pippin, I gotta go before Merry slits his wrists. Or Frodo's for that matter."

The slightly-chubbier hobbit disappeared into the shadows at the back of the cell, leaving the guards and Sam (The Winchester) with the one named Pippin, who smiled mischievously.

"I know a way to get out," he said while staring up at Sam, the odd little smile still playing on his face.

*Gulp*

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Stay tuned, sportsfans!