I would like to start by saying that this journal entry is neither my “grand return” nor my “last stand” here at GameSpot, I simply had some ideas I wanted to share and, considering I respect so many people here, I felt it was the best place to express them. I will start by saying that I miss a lot of the people on the forums, I won't mention individual names at the risk of leaving someone out but needless to say you all meant a lot to me in terms of my development into the wild world of “adulthood.” I often wonder what you have been up to and how the real world is treating you and your families. In the event that I never make a full return to the forums, I would like to take the time to thank you and wish you all the best of luck with your lives. Also I would like to note that I do not expect anyone to respond to this since I haven't been doing so with your entries.

My “departure”
I more or less fizzled out of the forums because I had a career choice to make. There had been a growing notion to abandon my career dreams of cinematic production in favor of one in the video game industry. I tested this theory by dropping everything game related to decide if it meant as much to me as I had previously thought. Needless to say it didn't. There really isn't much to discuss except that I still play video games but on a significantly lower level than I once did. Instead, I have focused on my school work, the creation of several movie concepts, and the understanding of myself (a work still in progress).

The homeless
Recently, while leaving the parking lot of a Trader Joe's (a supermarket for those unfamiliar), I was “confronted” by a woman and her son. She had a sign exclaiming that she had recently lost her job and was experiencing financial difficulties (that sounds so removed from the problem it sickens me). I had seen her standing there at least once before but had “looked the other way,” preferring not to see the desperate human being next to me. This time I was feeling “generous” so I handed her $5 and said, with all sincerity, “you take care of yourself,” to which she replied “God bless you.” God bless me? God bless me!? I can't remember the last time I ever felt so disgusted with myself. There I was, no less than a week ago, pretending this living, breathing person never existed in my mind and now she is blessing me. It really made me examine myself and the way I have treated the less fortunate. Everything that has been given to me, whether it be from a greater power or simply the public education I have received, it's all so precious and we take it for granted, I take it for granted and that absolutely repulses me.

My health
I recently discovered that there are several things “wrong” with me. For starters, I have developed an inguinal hernia. For those of you who do not know, or are too lazy to do a Google search (), it simply means there is a tear in the muscle lining of my lower abdomen and my intestine will, on occasion, bulge out. It's the combined result of pushing my body too hard and genetics. For the most part, it's not painful but the only available option is surgery, which is scheduled for this coming Thursday, April 13th. Also, during a physical to ensure I could undergo general anesthesia, I was informed of a deformity in my heart. Apparently it is larger than usual and has an irregular rhythm, a triplet or galloping pattern to be specific. To quote my doctor, “if I didn't know how old you were, and was shown these test results, I would have stated this was the heart of an 80 year old man.” Thrilling news I can assure you. More tests need to be done but my doctors are pretty confident it is nothing to worry about and, more than likely, can be a good thing. They stated that people with this condition in my age group normally have extremely physically fit heart muscle (hence the enlargement) and are able to pump more blood more efficiently due to the irregular beat. There is certainly the risk of complications as I get older but I'm actually rather excited to learn something about me is superior to the average person, something I am far from accustomed.

My philosophy
Through introspection I have developed several ideas about myself and the world around me. I pretty much despise the major organized religions because the people involved in them fundamentally fail to practice their basic teachings yet feel the need to push their agenda onto others not already affiliated with that religion. This isn't to say that religions themselves are flawed (although that is certainly a possibility) or that everyone involved in religious activities is a terrible person. Instead I point to human error as the true evil. If you are religious, that's wonderful; religion can provide hope and love while creating a sense of compassion and understanding. I whole-heartedly endorse this aspect of religion but at the same time individuals need to be aware of their own actions and whether they are appropriate for being a “good” person. One should not forcefully display their religion in an attempt to reach hopeful converts. “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?” No, I do not believe that Jesus Christ ever existed in the biblical sense. To me he is merely a fictional character used to guide someone to become a better person. Why would you ask me a question like that? Have I ever asked you if “you accept that Jesus may never have existed?” No I don't because I respect your beliefs so, in turn, respect mine. On the same note, I understand how you (as a religious person) might feel that homosexual acts are some type of sin but don't try to enforce your practices on the lives of others who don't agree or follow what you believe. Let gays marry. They share the same rights and privileges as anyone else, religion has ABSOLUTELY no power to restrict those rights.

Although I do not align myself with an established religion, I do believe in a God or some sense of a greater power. I cannot comprehend the universe but there is enough in it to convince me that things just don't happen by coincidence. Everything, every single thing occurs for a reason: the death of a loved one, murder, bombings, everything, there is a specific, key reason. Unfortunately, as finite beings we cannot fathom the reasons; it could be as simple as being 2 seconds late for work caused you to avoid a major accident which would have ended your life. Again, this is just a very simple example but when all is said and done, everything will be perfect. All of these terrible things which happen every second will find a way to perfection. A little optimistic and probably flawed but it's something I'm working on.

Death
Two people died recently in my life, one was someone I loved deeply and the other was someone I never knew. Ironically, it was this nameless figure who had the most impact. About two months ago my aunt died of cancer. I suppose you could argue that it was because her death was inevitable, I was able to grieve before her actual death but when I was told she passed away my reaction was simply one of nothingness. I felt neither saddened by the loss nor happy that her pain had ended and she would be at peace. It simply seemed like it was meant to happen.

A few days ago I called my father to ask him about the chemical components of DNA and RNA (he is a chemist). Through the coarse of the conversation he informed me that he had just come from the funeral of a coworker who had apparently died over the weekend(I'm not even sure if it was a man or a woman). It was just another reminder of my own mortality and how fragile our lives really are. This person probably wasn't older than 50, he or she had a family, friends, loved ones, all gone. As horrible as it may sound, I'm glad that I hear about these “little” things because it gives me a chance to reflect on my life. I can tell you that I made sure to enjoy the rest of my day. Unfortunately that feeling only lasts for so long before we take our lives for granted again. It's impossible to live every second of life to the fullest but hopefully I can get at least a few moments a day to appreciate the world all that has been given to me.

Preachy? Yes. Infallible? Hell no. Make of this entry what you will but I hope you at least saw something positive in all my rambling.

In the grand scheme of things... no.

I have been absent from the forums for what seems like a lifetime, I have failed to keep correspondence with some of the most intellectual, interesting, (and many more words that begin with "i") people I know.

This semester has been unusually hectic for me but I'm not sure why, perhaps it was all the transfer applications. *shrugs* Either way, finals end next Weds and I fly home on Thursday.

I hope everyone is doing well and that you can remember who I am.

The "Cali-what?" Edition:

Haven't created a "blog" entry in quite some time and well... I figured everyone is basically lost using the new site so now is the best time to have my ideas forgotten.

X-Men Legends II:

My gaming has been somewhat dull lately and Legends was quite a nice break: pure, [generally] mindless hack 'n slashing actions. Ok... so the real reason I bought the game is because Deadpool (the masked figure in my avatar and banner) is an unlockable character. Sadly, I'm still at the same portion I was at several weeks ago. A combination of work, falling interest, and more work have prevented me from continuing the campaign. Regardless, the game is pretty decent although, IMHO, not worth the full price tag (there are better things to spend $50 this holiday season). The menu system is very cluttered and rather overwhelming at times and story is not very engaging unless you are a fan of the X-Men universe (but who else would really buy this game anyway). On the positive side, the characters and powers are awesome (yes, I'm talking about you, Magneto). If you have the chance to play the game, give it a shot but I wouldn't recommend a purchase unless you are VERY interested in the Marvel universe or until a price drop.

Dating on MySpace? 

For those of you who are unaware, MySpace in a crappy, online place for friends. Yes, I am on it. Yes, that site is damn frustrating. And yes, I did meet a girl on it. Well, "meet" isn't really accurate, "talked to" is more appropriate. Mallory is her name, currently living in the dorms (as am I) and pretty interesting (read: interesting enough to casually date). Am I ready for another serious relationship? Who knows but I do want to start dating and if there is chemistry then a relationship can grow from that. Right now, I just want to take things slowly (despite what my roommates have been encouraging ).

Update: This girl goes home for the weekends (suburbs of San Diego), making it very hard to get together but I have a few cousins attending UC San Diego who wanted me to visit. Put that together and you end up with: “Hey Mal, I'm heading down to San Diego next weekend to visit some family, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out? Maybe you could show me around the town?” Bullet Proof

The Personals: 

Well I've “launched” my UCB, The Personals, and all are welcome to stop by. Essentially, the focus of the board is more personal (get it?), almost like a journal, although everyone can interact more easily. For the time being, I'll be making the board private; although I dislike turning users away, I think it's fairly difficult to establish close relationships if people keep coming and going. The most important thing about this board is that everyone has a say in the way things are run; if you have a suggestion or some criticism, by all means say it. Anyway, my main goal is to offer a “home” of sorts to you, someplace where you can discuss your life and get to know people on a personal level, as opposed to just their taste in video games. Again, suggestions and criticism are greatly appreciated... no matter how negative

Update: Well, I have avoided bashing the new site because I genuinely like it but the forum search feature is broken so it's pretty difficult to find this board

Amoeba Music: 

There is an amazing record store located in Hollywood called Amoeba Music, which has just about any music CD you could imagine and great prices too; I bought 4 cds for $34. I was able to find a cd for Horse The Band, a heavy rock group featuring a SNES-esque keyboardist. If you happen to be in the Hollywood area, definitely check them out.

On a related note, I went to the House of Blues in Hollywood and pre-ordered tickets to an upcoming Children of Bodom show. For those of you who are unfamiliar, they are a metal band from Finland currently on tour in the US. Being my favorite metal band, I'm very excited to see them on Nov 27th

I forgot: 

I've been writing this entry over several days and... well... I've completely forgotten why I named this the “Cali-what?” edition. To make up for that fact, here is a Red Hot Chili Peppers song to accompany some photos of a little road trip I did with my friend Gerald.