Ok, so it's 9:00am and i haven't slept. I've messed up my body clock pretty badly. For the last few weeks i've been sleeping all day, staying up all night. I was gonna write this blog post soon anyway, so i figure i may aswell do it while i have nothing to do.

My last proper blog post was all the way back in December

Whoa!

Anyway, i'll try and start from there.

It really doesn't feel like long ago, but it was a whopping 7 months! I usually remember times by what game i was playing, and/or what music i was listening to. Anyway, i was listening to Genesis, and i was playing Mass Effect. A game which seemed so promising, but turned out to be very dissapointing. I was really excited for christmas, though i had no idea what i wanted. The days were getting shorter, which i always enjoy.

I eventually decided that i wanted guitar hero 3. Funnily enough by playing the demo... With an ordinary Xbox 360 controller! Either way i got Guitar hero 3 for christmas and all was well.

When it comes to christmas, i always find myself looking forward to the presents, but it's always the times i spend with my family that i take away with me.

Skip to Februay. Nothing excited happened in January

February the 25th is the day of my birthday, and at this point i was very interested in getting a PS3. Actually i'd wanted one since launch, but raising money without a job isn't easy I asked my mum if i could go halfies' with her, meaning i'd pay her half and she'd pay the rest. She was fine with it and said she would.

So, we went out and bought the PS3 on my birthday. The only problem was that i'd ordered an HDTV before christmas and it STILL hadn't arrived, so i had to play it for a few days in SD-def until my HDTV arrived.

I bought the PS3 with Uncharted: Drakes fortune, and my best friend bought me Resistance: Fall of man.

I'd been trying to get a part-time job since summer of last year. I applied for about 7 different places and got nothing. I actually only heard back from one of them, but they told me i didn't get the job. However, it was in March that i finally got one. My mums friend had heard about how i was having a hard time finding a job, so he offered me one. I work in a laundromatte called Silver City Cleaners. I still work there to this day.

I can't really remember much about April ,other than the fact my exams were just round the corner, and i couldn't be any less prepared. My entire 6th year at school was a failure. I only had three classes, and they were: English. I rarely showed up for this class, as my teacher was never there, and when she was, i hated her. Stupid, i know.

Graphic communication: I always took this class as all my friends did. I wasn't the least bit interested in it, and in all the three years i took it, i never came closing to passing an exam.

Music: The only class i was interested in. I studied really hard and even took extra lessons, which is unusual for me. I tried really hard to succeed, but i'm still not sure if i passed or not. I joined and Intermediate 2 class, despite not knowing the first thing about music, and in order to even be able to understand the very basics, i had to learn so much stuff from earlier classes. About 90% of the stuff i learned in that class was from me buying books, and doing a lot of research on the internet. Add to that i had a very nice and funny teacher, who unfortunately was'nt very good. Also, i was in a class full of higher students, who were top priority.

So, yeah, i often didn't show up for school when i had English or Graph. Comm. It even got so bad that i was told i had a 55% attendance ratio and was in danger of being kicked out of school.

There is a reason for this, though. Over the past 2 years, i'd become progressively more shy. I've always been fairly shy and anti-social, but it was getting worse, and I'd realised how out of hand it had gotten. I never spoke to anyone, except my friends, and even then, i couldn't open up about my feelings or anything. I couldn't even say a word to those i don't know, or even those i do know, but am just no friends with. I couldn't ask for help at school, or even move out of my seat. I couldn't listen to my ipod at school, either. I couldn't speak with anyone over the phone, especially those who i didn't know. The whole "social anxiety" thing first came to my attention in a topic in OT. Someone made a topic asking if anyone had it, and then went on to describe what it was and such. I realised that i was experiencing pretty much everything described in that thread.

I've had what i now know as OCD for as long as i can remember, though i've never questioned it. I always thought it was normal until another thread appeared in OT. After reading through the thread and, again, finding out i'm experiencing almost identical symptons, i decided to research these two disorders online... A lot.

After some research, i decided that i should go see the nurse at school, and after a long time of saying i would - i finally did. At first we discussed these problems i was having, but soon it turned into what can only bee described as therapy sessions. I couldn't speak seriously about my feelings to anyone but her. I would go to her whenever i felt like i needed to talk, and i'd end up spending hours there.

After speaking to her for the first time, she told me to tell my family and friends, to which i didn't want to, but realised i had to. I still couldn't talk to them fully, and hated it hen they wanted to have a good conversation with me.

*Yawn*

I think this will do for now. I don't expect anyone to read this, but i feel it helps to write these things down. I'll go into detail about my OCD symptoms, and continue this blog post later. There is still a ton to write about.