I am going to do my best tonight to type a clear blog entry. Although I could save typing this blog entry over the Independence Day weekend, I have a few personal reasons why I'm typing a blog entry tonight. The first reason is that I simply wanted to get rid of my thoughts on my recent life events now instead of carrying it on for a few more days. The second reason is that I plan to use Friday to update my resume and my cover letter to look for any new opportunities available in my area. Saturday I will [try] to relax as much as possible and use Sunday to fill out my required one page memo for my employee review form if I do not complete it by then.

OK, now to the entry.

Last week, I received my employee review form as yearly employee reviews will soon commence firm wide. Before an employee gets reviewed by their supervisor, they must first fill out the form by evaluating themselves on four categories and also writing a one page memo on our performance for the past year. I have filled out my own personal evaluation on the form and plan to use Thursday at work to complete the one page memo. I expect Thursday to be a quiet day in the office as many employee will take the day off to have a four day holiday weekend. I will be one of the few that will work on that day, but may leave early if I receive no work in the afternoon.

Critiquing myself on my employee form, as well as reading David Foster Wallace's 2005 Kenyon College commencement speech and the recent deaths of some high-profile celebrities have driven me deep in thought on how I am going about with life. Looking back to my countless blog entries on work since I joined working at my current occupation, I have always complained about my workplace from my own point-of-view. Now I am trying to see things from another's perspective and trying to see what positive effects (if any) I may have done at my workplace. I can find a few, but I can't truly visualize my true fruits of labor since I am still unhappy with my role and responsibilities I bear at my job.

During my tenure here, I have took on the pains of accumulating more responsibilities under my belt after an employee from the finance department suddenly departed. In February 2008, I had to hold down the financial operations of the office after the accounting manager of eight years left the firm. In January 2009, I had to assume the responsibilities of my part-time fiance co-worker after she was laid off. Recently, I had to bear some work from another finance co-worker from another office who was also laid off. Sure, commend me for being a trooper for taking up the additional workload and not complaining about it. Of course, this is also my main source of stress. It is unbearable to bear so many duties at once every weekday.

Another positive stemming from the additional workload is that I am shown to be capable of handling multiple duties. Note that I only said capable, not outstanding. Ever heard of the saying, "A jack of all trades but a master to none?" I am still prone to make mistakes on any one of the duties I am responsible for, which can accumulate into a substantial mess down the road if many mistakes occur at those different tasks. I am worried that the rampant juggling of duties along with exhaustion have made me commit more mistakes than I would like to have done. Last week, my boss yelled at me for not getting an errand done on time. It may not be something big, but I didn't take it well.

The most frustrating part of my workload is how errands are quickly brought to attention and needed to be completed in mere hours. Most of the workload can't be helped as if they are reacting to an event, then a quick reaction must be done for it. However, I do find there are some tasks that could be taken care of easily if everyone acted on it sooner. I do my best if I somehow find some open time in the middle of my busy day to get the ball rolling. Unfortunately, everyone works different and they prefer to work things when the deadline date is near. It's the nature of the beast and all I can do is accommodate my working habits around them.

In the end, if my bosses and co-workers are generally happy with my performance, than that's all I can ask for. If I help my boss look good by his or her boss with my work output, then that's a bonus for me. Yes, I am sacrificing my own personal happiness to aid my peers, but that's business. I know that I'm still young and new into the working life. I am only twenty-four years old and I have forty-plus years of working ahead of me. I could be completely miserable wherever I end up working at. Not only I still have a long working life ahead of me, there's also juggling work duties with raising a family, whenever that time may arrive for me.

The United States is heading toward double digit unemployment. Many towns, cities and states are running out of money to continue to run whatever they provide. Hell, the country is technically broke too. There are a lot of people out there who would love to work right now. I am sure there are a lot of people who would take on my job at a lower salary. There are many families who don't have a job, live under a house, or even own a car. Many of us are resorting to living with our relatives (most likely parents) to hedge some money as the country's economy continues to struggle.

There were two major points I took away from reading Wallace's commence speech. One point was to try to view things from another's perspective. It is easy to view things from our own perspective because it's immediate and instilled within ourselves. We may blame others for driving gas-guzzling SUVs and other acts. But he states that try to view it from their perspective and see the reason why they are doing whatever acts they have done. The second point is that we only have one life. On the inside, you may think your life completely sucks. But as long as you continue on living and contributing, that's all it matters. It basically is living to live another day. You may never know once your life comes to a halt.

But even he admits that trying to think outside of your own personal thoughts is hard.

It is hard. And it hurts too. I will have to continually remind myself that everything is not as bad as it seems. Try doing that for the entire year.

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Unfortunately, my life (since I graduated from college) has been dedicated to work. The increased workload has affected some of the things I would like to get back into. The workload will probably affect the frequency of blog entries I will type up and post per month on this journal. Earlier this year, I set myself to attempt to get in at least three entries in per month. Now it looks like I may be down to two or even just one entry per month here. I also have not been active on the forums as of late. So please excuse me if I end up being absent from Gamespot for a period of time.

I have been unable to get back into writing, watch any anime, or read any new manga in the last couple of months or so. My mind is so muddled with work that when I get home, thinking about writing, anime, manga, etc. is the last thing on my mind. All I want to do is eat dinner and sleep.

But that doesn't mean it has completely shut me out from everything that I love to do. I usually spend Saturdays and Sundays playing as much games as I am able to. As I wrote on my previous entry, I plan on purchasing a few new games for the X-Box 360 soon. Feel free to join me in if you wish. My X-Box Live Gamertag is Renmei85. In July, I will (most likely) purchase BlazBlue and The King of Fighters XII.

Thank you for reading my blog entry tonight, no comments necessary. [Seriously, thank you for taking some of your time for reading this. Thank you!] I hope all of you are hanging in there with your respective lives. Till next entry... whenever that is...

On a Lighter Note

A rare blog entry where it'll mostly consist of things aside from work. I thought up the contents of this entry quickly last night and decided to hazily put my thoughts together here today. Despite it's "mess," I hope you enjoy reading this entry today.

[A Quick E3 Thought]

Thanks to work, I was only able to gauge the events of E3 through fan reaction and summarized news notes. It sounds like fans are generally happy with the format of being a huge convention where fans can access again after last year's dismal E3. There were a few notable "noise makers" at the convention, such as Microsoft's Project Natal. I was going to write some of my thoughts on Natal and some other notable E3 announcements, but I will refrain from doing so because in part that I have forgot what I was going to say on those specific announcements I had in mind.

[Music]

I always feel like I'm on the losing end on the music album front because there are so many releases, old and new, that I want to get my hands on. So far, I have purchased over 40 music albums this year, though I haven't purchased a new album in the last two weeks or so. I plan on going to one of the record stores near my workplace this coming Friday, pending on the weather. Here's what I'm eyeing to purchase...

• The Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca
• Sonic Youth - The Eternal
• Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
• Company Flow - Funcrusher Plus (reissue)
• Jay Dilla - Jay Stay Paid

[Manga]

I have finished reading my batch of manga I purchased three weeks ago. Here are my quick reactions to them...

Real Bout High School: The manga has plenty of action and a lot of characters with unique personalities. However, there's no plot. The story centers around the main character and her internal battle to showcase to others that she is a very capable woman. The inclusion of a underlying group plan toward the end of the series probably was unnecessary and throws the manga off. [Ruri's Grade: C+]

12 Days: An interesting story about a woman who attempts to drown the thoughts of her lover who recently passed away by drinking her ashes as mixed drinks for twelve days. The constant shifting of past and present events makes it dizzying read to grasp the entire story. The characters are drawn beautifully as they look more human than anime/manga. A great amount of subtle human emotion that is felt throughout the lone volume. [Ruri's Grade: B]

Blood +: The art is outstanding. There are a lot of details and objects drawn in almost every scene. The character designs are detailed and beautiful looking as well. The pacing of the story feels fast as it only spans five volumes long. There's plenty of action but the story and characters are dull in my opinion. [Ruri's Grade: C+]

The Key to the Kingdom: My only complaint about this manga are the little jokes that are slid in between scenes and the ending is rushed. Everything else, draw droppingly amazing! I found another personal diamond in the rough with this one. I would give my whole hearted recommendation to others for this manga! [Ruri's Grade: A-]

I haven't watched any anime as of late. I've been in more of a manga reading mood. I tend to avoid anything over ten volumes long, but I may get Chibi Vampire down the line as I hear the final volume is going to be released soon here in the United States. Yes, I do buy manga because I prefer reading them on a book format than reading it through the computer screen.

[Games]

I'm been mostly quiet on the video game front as well. Due to work, the only times I can get in some decent gaming time are on Friday nights, weekends, holidays, and unpaid days off from work. It won't be any different over the summer as I'll be working through summer for a third straight year. There are a good amount of games I am looking forward to as the year progresses, so I may be on X-Box Live a bit more often (if I am able) later on. Here are some games that I am interested in for the rest of the year.

Highly Interested

• The Beatles: Rock Band
• Forza Motorsport 3
• King of Fighters XII
• Left 4 Dead 2
• Marvel vs. Capcom 2 (X-Box Live Arcade)
• TMNT: Turtles in Time Reshelled (X-Box Live Arcade)

Semi Interested

• BlazBlue
• Dirt 2
• Guitar Hero 5
• Tekken 6

I find it funny that I've purchased more games through X-Box Live Arcade (five) than disc games (two) for my X-Box 360 so far this year. That will surely change down the line... maybe.

I've been itching to find a new Nintendo DS game to play during my train commutes going to and coming back from work. One game that initially caught my eye was Knights in the Nightmare because I am a fan of strategy games. However, the gameplay aspect of having to play the d-pad and the stylus at the same time (just like The World Ends With You) and its high selling price at $35 have me stalling to get the game right now. Down the line, I may purchase it I really wanted to play a new DS game. For now, it's wait and see for me.

Feel free to make any recommendations on the noted medias I have typed up on this entry (X-Box 360, Nintendo DS, Music and Manga). Thank you for taking some of your time to read my blog entry today.

P.S.: I had posted another blog entry earlier today titled "Thinking Outside of Yourself." I was happy with the content of the blog entry, but I decided to delete it afterward because I felt like it was unnecessary to continue to blog about work and my own personal thoughts about it again on this blog. I also wanted to post a blog entry where it doesn't mention about work here. I have posted the same entry on my Livejournal, which I had written last night and combines "Thinking Outside of Yourself" along with the content of this entry. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused to anyone.

CLICK HERE for to read the "Thinking Outside of Yourself" entry at my Livejournal.

One of my co-workers warned me last week that there's a good possibility that the company will layoff people. Today, seven people in the Philadelphia office, including the one who warned me about it, were laid off. A total of sixty employees were laid off. This was the third set of layoffs during my two year tenure here and each one is equally devastating to experience.

Toward the end of the working day, the boss of the office ordered everyone into a conference room where we saw a recorded clip of the president and CEO discussing the reasons why the layoffs were made. It did sound convincing at first, but I feel like there's more behind scenes that I'll probably never find out. After the clip finished, the boss handed out a handout summarizing five options staff employees can take to help the company. Essentially, the company is asking staffers to take a pay cut, as the executives and higher ranked employees have taken. Out of the options offered, I plan on taking the additional unpaid days off as it seems like the only viable option I can take to not only gain some extra rest, but to also help the company.

Aside from knowing that I lost a few more good co-workers today, there was one additional piece of news that I didn't like taking, but I have to take it nonetheless. The boss of the office took my finance co-worker and I into a room where he told us that two of our fellow finance co-workers at corporate headquarters were laid off that he and the principal of our office highly suggested that we were capable to taking on the additional work. I was angry, but I restrained my anger back but I really didn't have a choice in this matter. Those of you who read my blog already of my open thoughts about my work, so now I can kiss more of my life goodbye.

The cruel reality about this tidbit, which I discussed with a fellow co-worker, is that they love young employees who they can continue to pound the workload to because they get "more bang for their buck." I think I fall under this category. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not a good thing either. I don't know how bad the additional workload will be, but I know I'll be in more of a foul mood coming back from work, as if I wasn't in a bad mood right now. I noticed that after each layoff, I find myself taking in more and more work. Now I know one of the underlying reasons why I've been so overwhelmed lately. Damn, such nativity on my part.

After going through so much in my first job, it's not the money that I seek, it's the satisfaction from the work I'm doing is what I seek. This job has completely sapped any job that I might've hoped it had and it's become more of a "zombie" job than anything. Yes, I'll still need money to take care of myself and continuing to support my family, but I also want to feel good about working and this job hasn't done it for me. I know I need to look around if I can muster enough energy to do so. You really have to be active if you're searching for a new job, which I've failed to do at this point.

So in turn, I expect my frequency here in Gamespot to diminish. I think I'll still be here on weekdays, but only for quick reads on any updates and then I'll leave. I will also still commit to my three posts a month schedule I set for myself from the beginning of the year. Besides, I need to read some other things in life to distract me from my personal endeavors from work. I will definitely be less frequent through X-Box Live as I don't think I'll be in the mood to play any video games after a continuous round of rough days at work. I will be on during weekends, holidays, and on my unpaid days off.

I will forgo writing a May 2009 Round Up blog entry as I feel my previous blog entry and tonight's entry pretty much rounds up how my life this month has been. I'll aim for June 10th as my next date to post a new blog entry. The context of the entry is still up in the air, though don't be surprised if it ends up being work again.

Thanks to those who stopped by and read my entry tonight. I'm okay for now, but I'm not sure how bad the additional workload I'm going to brunt is going to impact me in the near future. I hope all of you are doing well in your lives! Till next entry...