I made a short story of my own Red Vs. Blue character with Church. :3 Critique is Desired!
1 Month to live? She's had worse.
Clary walked down the hall of the blue base. "I'm sorry Clary…but I did the math..and you've only got one month to live." God, she hated hearing that. Her blood pressure had dropped, she could feel it, yet, she didn't care. The only thing running through her mind was not death, but Church. He had proclaimed himself the captain of the blue team, against Clary's better judgment, and had almost gotten himself killed.And he had done it all, for her. Yeah, that's right, for her. She had felt like an idiot when she passed out in her room, and Church having to find her made her feel like a piece of crap. Now, she only had one month to live. She stopped. Just stopped in the middle of the hallway, and began to sob. Her arm was raised covering her hazel eyes, wet with tears. Her brown, short cut hair had fallen over her face, and some strands were getting wet.
"Clary?"
Clary's head shot up, looking behind her. No one was there. Was she going crazy, and hearing just random people? Impulsively, she felt two arms go around her neck, hugging her from the back side. She felt someone's head lay on her shoulders, softly cooing soft words to calm her down.
"……Church?"
"Doc told me."
That was the only thing Church really said to her as he buried his face in his neck. "Don't listen to him Clary…..You will live, I know you will." He whispered, not really believing his own words. "How can I Church? Doc told me. I can feel my blood dropping every second…maybe…death is-" "Its not the only answer." He spoke sternly, pressing his lips against her cheek. "You've got people here who care for you, and who don't want you to die. I bet it was even hard for Doc to say those words." He told her sternly, not letting go of her.
Clary's face had turned a soft red as she sighed softly, closing her eyes and just letting his scent sink into her.
"Church….I…"
"I love you too Clary."
He whispered into her ear softly, turning her around and kissing her lips softly. Clary's face had now turned extremely red, but she kissed him back, holding his arms lightly. For once, Clary felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt the heat emitting off of from him, and how much he cared for her.
For once, Clary wasn't afraid of what was going to happen in a month.
Comments
really made me feel like i was a part of the fanfic, that means ur missions accomplished 
u r a great writer!
I had a very nice read , Thank U
I don't follow RvsB so I'm lost as to the references... but it's still kewl.Just a few things I'd like to point out. When displaying something someone is saying, it's easier on the reader to put it on a new line, then another new line when more text (that isn't conversation) is picking up from that. Like:
---
He ran to the tree, gasping for air
"Took your sweet time" Jango sneered.
"Yeahh... sorry... had to finish my homework" Bob spit out between breaths.
The two then continued towards the stream, where they had initially planned on meeting up the day before. ----
Also, don't start sentences with And and if I remember correctly there's no need for commas before an "and", the word "and" is separating a sentence similarly to a comma.
What I liked about it was thatpeple whoare unfamiliar with R. vs B. can enjoy it.
(BTW-I'm still waiting for your comments on my last opinion blog.)
Wolf-Chief