Free Choice EssaySuperman 64

When you pay 50 dollars for something, you want it to be worth those 50 dollars. Sometimes those 50 bucks are too much for something you bought. Superman 64 was at a value of 50 dollars when it was first released, but that's 60 dollars more than what it should of cost. I believe the game from Dr. Frankenstein's trash can of horrific mutations that even he regrets. Imagine it's the 90's again, you hear there's going to be a video game of Superman for the first time in 3D on the Nintendo 64. You go to the store, pay 50 bucks, go home and play the game. Turning on the game made you wish that you had never used those 50 dollars on Superman 64.

Just to show you how bad it is, let's listen to some what critics had to say. Game Trailers had a list of The 10 Best and Worst Games Ever, on number 1 in the worst list was Superman 64. In Nintendo Power's 200th issue, they counted the top 5 worst games ever. At number 1 was Superman 64 again. The game was so bad it caused a lot of employees of the game developer, Titus, to lose their job. You just know the head of Titus is just laughing it up in his mansion, knowing people lost jobs from this game.

I was on the highway one day and saw a man begging for food. It turned out he used to work for Titus. He was the "Leader of F!@#ing up the game up" which is what no Titus game can do without. They fired him after begging the warden (Also known as the President of Titus) to get some fair treatment towards the workers. I laughed hysterically at his story and drove off, I even ran over his cardboard house on my way home. I laughed it up threw the night, nearly chocking on my toothbrush, thinking about what I did to the Titus game designer.

Just starting the game and seeing the story just makes you wonder how much thought they put into making this game. The story tells us that Lex Luthor sent Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Professor Emil Hamilton into another dimension threw the Star Gate, based on the show by the same name. You can clearly see that Superman's friends can just walk out of the Star Gate but that will make too much sense, and Titus loves when logic is removed. If you notice, there's no animation at all in the cut scene. I guess the developers couldn't afford to animate them. What do you expect from a company with minimum wage budgets? So anyway, Superman in all his intelligence goes into the Star Gate. Wouldn't it make more sense to beat the s!@# salad out Lex until he releases Superman's friends?

You begin playing the game with Superman in a city that looks like the apocalypse. The entire area is empty without anything alive anywhere. The land is covered in a thick blanket of green radioactive fog. They're only a few building to be seen. For some reason, the world actually had edge as if this game environment was made before Christopher Columbus's time. There's no wall or anything, just an infinite void. The world is a square; it's all just a giant square cracker.

Well let start playing this game. Superman is floating and says the words that will change your life. He says "There's no time to waist." He's right, theirs no time to waist, I should be outside playing, volunteering at children's hospitals, getting a job. Sadly, I can't, I must make this review so that younger people know how bad this game was. Let's go back to the game. The first mission you must complete is to fly threw hula-hoop. What a great Idea, lets have Superman fly threw hula-hoops. While were at it, why not have Batman taking the local bus instead of using his Batmobile. I guess the point of flying threw hoops is to make Lex Luthor laughs his ass off from seeing the world's greatest super hero flying threw hoops. I bet Superman is feeling pretty heroic right about now, I bet they put a DDR mini-game where you dance to MC Hammer music.

Once you get over the humiliation of flying threw hula-hoops, you can now save people. I'm not sure how these other humans got into the virtual world but they seem happy in a post apocalyptic world since one of them is skateboarding and another is walking their baby in a stroller. But their in danger, 2 cars are going 5mph straight towards them; only Superman can save them now. Turns out you have to pick up the car and throw them. When I do throw them, the car explodes. I understand their criminals but does Superman really need to kill them? Sups must feel pretty heroic for killing 2 guys just for attempting to run people over at 5mph. Sometimes the cars don't blow up but I beat the mission. Won't those cars just turn around and run over the people? Your next mission is to fight some bank robbers on top of a bank's helicopter landing bay. You punch them so hard; they get thrown and fall down a skyscraper. Does he have to kill people who are robbing a bank? I guess Superman's rule is kill fist and ask questions never. Also, the bank robbers are armed with a small pistol. These guys are the main enemies in the game. Why does anyone expect them to stop Superman? He will just kill them in a single punch.

Here's a thing that really doesn't make much sense, everything is able to be blown up. Picking up a cardboard box and throwing it at a wall will cause an explosion. It sort of reminds me of Aqua Teen Hunger Force when someone throws an object and it explodes. I guess the game creators of Superman 64 cloned the objects in the game so much, the molecules became unstable, causing objects to blow up at random. Imagine tossing a baseball to your friend, when he catches it, the ball blows up your friend.

If you're in a timed mission and the clock runs out, Superman just stops in his tracks and hears laughter. You hear the laughter of demented Lex Luthor laughing at you for failing. Superman doesn't seem to care. There's no "Agghhh!!!! Louis Lane is DEAD!!!" or "I failed" Superman just stands their saying nothing. He acts like nothings wrongs. Superman doesn't care about saving his friends, all he cares about is killing defenseless Lex Luthor minions and humiliating himself by flying threw rings.

After all the pain and suffering you went through in the entire game, you see the greatest ending in video game history. All of Superman's friends are standing outside the Star Gate portal. A message appears saying "You have saved your friends, but the real Lex Luthor is still in the real world." Then camera pans over to Lex Luthor and credits roll just incase you want to see the names you want to hunt down for creating this game. You can clearly see that Lex is just standing there, just few feet away from Superman. Aren't you even going to stop him Superman? Another thing, what happened to all the other people in the StarGate? I saved there lives throughout the entire game but they're still in there. Nice going Superman, you saved your 3 friends, but about 50 people are still trapped in a virtual world.

In conclusion, this is the worst abomination of all time since G4. I don't think there has ever been such a horrible thing brought on to man kind. I think Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster (The creators of Superman) rolled over in their graves when Superman 64 was spawned from an evil game developer's laboratory. If you ever see this game on the street, do humanity a favor and burn it. I think people have suffered enough.

Superman 64 and Me

It was May 31st 1999, the bringing of Superman 64. My 2 kids were at alleyway where they always play in. Whensome guy selling some bags of sugar (not sure why) sold my kids this 64 game cartridge without a sticker. I couldn't tellwhat the game was. He said it was Master Chief's Time Machine Tournament Edition featuring Larry the Cable Guy. Knowingly, anything with Larry the Cable Guy is automatically good. Remember the hit movie, Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector? After we bought it, we stared at the cartridge and 10 seconds later, the salesman was gone with my wallet and my socks, not sure how he took my socks without my shoes taken off.

We went home with a bag of McDonalds, the ketchup was cut and the bag leaked. We thought the Hamburglure stabbed the ketchups. It was like CSI Kentucky's fast food edition. Once we got home, we popped the Nintendo 64 cartridge into the Nintendo 64 and turned it on. We were so hyped up for this game, that I didn't even wash my hands before eating my lunch. I got a stomach worm from country's I never even herd off, probably from the sweet shops that make the kids meal toys. Darn those sweat shop child workers; they don't deserve payment for their low quality toy production.

We turn on the game and it turns out to be Superman 64. I said to my kids "All good, all good; let's give this game a chance." We press the start button to play the game and suddenly... AGGHHH!!!! Dear god, it's horrible. All I see is fog and more fog. I jumped on top of my children's eyes to protect them, but it was too late. They saw too much, my children were scared for life. It's as though they watched 3 hours of NBC's mediocre primetime programming.

They were scared from the game, they now spend their days hiding in the closet, and praying that Superman never existed. It was a thing no one should be allowed to suffer threw. It was worse than watching a baby drown in a pool of rotten refried beans in a dumpster outside Taco Bell. It was all my fault, I could have stopped this. One day I'll find the one responsible for spawning the unholy child that is Superman 64. Titus, if you're reading this, then be warned... I'm coming after you. I'm coming after all of you who made this game. My children will be avenged and so will the victims you murdered playing this game. Titus's blood shall pay for their sins of creation of Superman 64.