Resident Evil has always been one of my most beloved video game series. Thus when the 6th installation was released (RE4), I was devastated. Now I know it isn't news to anyone that gamers, especially old-hand fans have been and still are arguing over Resident Evil's most recent facelift. I am late to the aversion-ridden party by a few years due to my original decision of being reserved on the matter. But recent events have convinced me otherwise, especially with the actions of RE4 fans. I just need to finally get this off my chest and my blog seems to be the appropriate place to do it, even if this entry remains unread. My brother's return from college has brought back nothing but nostalgia; a longing for the clichéd "good-old-days", a time when the Playstation and Beanie Babies were all the rage, internet was becoming widely adopted and Bill Clinton was still President. We have fond memory after fond memory of playing Resident Evil together, whether it be during an evening summer thunderstorm running like hell from the Nemesis or a cold Saturday morning taking down Birkin yet again, the original RE's scared the crap out of us kids, and we enjoyed every second of it. I can remember Gamepro-back when we still had a subscription to it-dedicated magazines to the RE releases with strategy guides accompanied by magazine cover art. Fear overcame me to a point where I was afraid to go to bed for my town shared a striking resemblance with Raccoon City. I thought that a zombie outbreak was bound to happen, sooner rather than later . The remake of Resident Evil on Gamecube and the subsequent RE 0 made me nothing but ecstatic. In fact, REmake was the first game I purchased for the Cube and to this day I believe is the most frightening RE game. Heck, even its graphics are still cutting edge after 6 years. I was sure thereafter that (especially with inclusion of Jill's RE3 outfit and Chris' RECD outfit) Capcom would remake 2, 3, possibly even Veronica. But to much disappointment, they haven't, they decided to port instead (I still have some optimism though). But what really took me over the edge was when news of the online addition, Outbreak came to light. The concept alone made me salivate, though it was a major letdown when released. To cut the story short, the games were praised, considered must-haves by many in their time.

So where are we today, well we have Resident Evil 4 which garnered an assortment of awards, including Game of the Year from GameSpot, much of which I cannot understand, comparable to my comprehension of the success of the Halo franchise. Words are incapable of describing the anger, hatred, dysphoria and pure sadness that flows within me because of the direction RE4's success is taking the series. My emotions amaze even myself; I never thought I could be so emotionally attached to a game/series. Like the anger spewed towards Squaresoft when Sephiroth killed Aeris in Final Fantasy VII, I said to myself, "I could never be that attached to a game", yet RE proves the exact opposite. Presently many of the so called "fans" of Resident Evil are nothing of the sort. They are RE4 fans, they have no right to make such a claim .Many of today's "fans" were "unfamiliar" with the Resident Evil series until it changed its entirety to suit a more casual audience. Thus it comes as no surprise that they dislike previous RE games. These first-timers enjoy a game that's of a completely different genre and lacks the essence of RE; the generic and action-based spray-them-with-bullets games that are proliferated throughout our Western culture and the USA. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy shooters but what made Resident Evil different and unique was pure originality, its distinct survival horror qualities, and storyline. If I didn't want that, I wouldn't have purchased the games.

Not going into major details since I could go on for ages, but the original RE games had an excellent storyline of a virus outbreak in a thriving United States, Midwestern city named Raccoon City. It's eventually uncovered that the outbreak's accountability ultimately lies with the corrupt and influential Umbrella Corporation which conducted illegal experimentations, to the extent of using employees and unwitting human beings in order to produce the ultimate Biological Organic Weapons--presumably for the government. Eventually the viruses (T and G) infected the entire city consequently producing unspeakable horrors, forcing the government to quarantine and exterminate the city through nuclear annihilation. One was forced to cope with these genetically mutated creatures; from flesh-eating zombies who seemed unstoppable to the iconic skull-crushing tyrants, all the while allocating limited resources to survive and having the crap sacred out of them in the process (something that requires strategy and is what we like to call "survivor horror"). Now in RE4 we have a game where parasite-controlled enemies, the most common amongst them being Los Ganados (Spanish villagers) drop money and items when eliminated (What is this, Mario?), ammunition is gluttonous, you can purchase your own weapons and upgrades from magic merchants, and a crazed cult leader wants to take over the world by controlling people through the ancient organism found in a castle's backyard (Las Plagas). How can one compare RE4 to the rest?

What aggravates me is when those who experienced RE4 first then play the older installations and base their opinion solely on the characteristics of RE4. When people make offensive reviews of the older games and then claim they're no RE4, I take it to heart. How can one idiotically compare RE4 to its predecessors when they are of different genres? The majority of the original games were developed in a different time period with less advanced technology. Obviously the graphics won't be on par to modern standards and some elements don't seem as spectacular as they did then because of our experiences with and expectations of video games today (I will even admit that). Though, when released, they were considered some of the best games ever made while being on the cutting edge of graphics and CGI's. Not to mention that the fixed-camera angles that so many first-timers whine and groan about were purposely used for a slower paced, puzzle-solving, frightening, survival horror environment, unlike the fast paced action that requires the over-the-shoulder view found in RE4. This would only further argue the point that the older games are long overdue for a remake, in the original RE mold mind you, the way they were made to be played. In fact, it would probably calm my nerves and I would be rather satisfied if Capcom did indeed remake 2 and 3 in the original format--that's what I would really like to see.

Now comes to the Outbreak franchise. Fans of it wonder where File #3 is-it's not coming sadly. The reason being because they were the last games developed in the Resident Evil formula. Capcom wants to sweep it under the carpet because a new generation (RE4 fans) hates....or let me say it this way.....is not attracted to the cosmetics of the older games. And I highly oppose that decision. It is both part off the series and the company's heritage and thus they should stick with the old model. However, I do believe that File # 1 and 2 were hastily put together. They had a lot of potential and many would have both played and loved them if there was more dedication, effort, and creativity on Capcom's part. If only I worked for them, Outbreak would be different.

Though RE4 and now RE5 really demonstrate the true colors of Capcom, they are catering towards the casual western marketplace. Unlike in the 1990's, there seems to now only be a small select group of people who are still loyal to and enjoy Resident Evil for what it was. I don't know where most of them went, the ones that bought 4.96 million copies of RE2, 3.5 million of RE3, or 1.35 million of REmake. I guess most of them grew out of gaming or the genre. However, I do believe if you were a fan from the beginning, yet RE4 is your favorite, you are no true fan at all for it's not Resident Evil. I think what makes me the saddest is that Capcom will no longer develop RE games like they have in the past, and thus no fonder memories of the remade masterpieces that I have grown to love throughout my childhood or new IP to enjoy and progress the story in the future. In a sense it feels like a betrayal on Capcom's part, selling out for money rather than the loyal smaller fanbase. I shouldn't be surprised though, many series are experiencing the same thing. After all, that's what happens when a public company has investors to please. Resident Evil 4 in my opinion is a somewhat average game and I think it would have never received the acclaim it did if it had a different name slapped on it or a different main character for that matter. What worries me is what this means for the rest of the video game industry, is the casual gaming mentality going to rule the day, I sure hope not, but I won't hold my breath. Whatever the case, it marks the end of an era, a generation, and survival horror as I knew it to be

R.I.P.

Resident Evil

1996-2005

Let me tell you, it is not a pleasurable experience. Here's the scoop. Over the past couple of weeks I have had a fairly bizarre sleep schedule due to class cancellations and the sort. Thus I would stay up till 5 AM, wake up at 1:30 PM and go to class and sometimes I wouldn't go to bed at all. Our in today's case, I went to bed at 5 PM on Saturday and woke up at 2 AM. So I have been up since then doing a final paper revision and perusing the internet mindlessly while listening to Diana Krall's Christmas Songs CD (which is good mind you). I also have not been eating much lately. So the story begins. At around 11:50 AM I started getting this painful feeling below my stomach, if felt as if someone hit me in the....well you know. At first I thought it was because I had to go to the bathroom or what not. Thus I got up, put on a pair of shorts and sandals and headed for the lavatory. As I was there in the stall, the pain progressively got worse to the point where I felt as if I was going to vomit. That is when the "syncope" symptoms started to set in. At first I thought I might be experiencing a panic attack for no apparent reason (I wasn't worried about anything) because I started feeling very hot and began sweating. Then small bright dots (phosphene) appeared and drapped over my vision. And if it couldn't get any worse, I began to lose my hearing (tinnitus). At that point I knew something was wrong, especially since my heartbeat was slowing dramatically to a point where I couldn't feel it anymore and became dizzy. I have to admit I thought I was witnessing death. So when I got up and opened the stall door, my disorientation got to me, to the point where I stumbled and almost fell to the ground. The last thing I could remember was going for the lavatory door. Then I found myself laying on my back in the hallway with my sandal off, a sore toe, and cuts on my left arm and leg. I had to be unconscious for a couple minutes because when I got back to my dorm, it was 12:28 PM. I still had some pain below the waste, some dizziness, and a headache. So I took a couple cat naps, woke up at about 5 PM, told my mom the story, decided to get some sustenance (popcorn), and have been doing my paper ever since, though I finally finished it about an hour ago.

Though I am a little tired, I feel alright. I did some research on syncope (fainting) and everything I experienced was normal. Fainting is caused by the lack of sufficient blood and oxygen in the brain. I have always had a hectic sleep schedule, but with the combination of little food and the factors that influence fainting, I have reached the conclusion that that is what did me in--at first I found it rather random. The funny part about it was that it wasn't for my video game addiction, I haven't played them in a while. It was because of something I despise intensely. So kids here is the moral of the story, don't procrastinate (though the paper was done early), eat right, and get some sleep for crying out loud, no matter how great Mass Effect is!!!!!

P.S. The one thing I don't understand is how those with anorexia deal with it (no joke intended)?

"I suggest you all start signing up for the SATs soon": A quote from a guidance counselor who ran a college preparation presentation in front of our class one day. It was the first time thoughts of college penetrated my mind and actually began taking its toll. I was a Junior in High School during this instance, ironically enrolled in a Catholic all-boys school. What bothered me the most about college was not moving three and a half hours away from home; surrounded by strangers, making friends, or the application process, but how my sexuality would be accepted by my future peers.

Besides the surprising absence of maturity from many of my high school peers-the fart jokes, laughing when someone tripped, making fun of peoples abilities, etc., there was something that affected me above all others-their tolerance of homosexuals. Due to the school's association, you can guess the student's stance on the issue. The word gay was thrown around school as if it was going out of style. I felt like I was transported to 1692 in the Salem witch trials. People would accuse each other of being gay when they had disagreements, were demonstrating their superiority and essence of "cool", knew that specific students were gay or just because they disliked certain people. If one was branded as gay and many were convinced of this fact, they would be the subject of hurtful jokes-thankfully nothing as serious as physical contact ensued (at least not to my knowledge). Something I feared might happen, especially from stories I heard from other parts of the nation.

Whenever witnessing the word, I received a tingling sensation in my stomach-that of nausea. Not only because I was reminded of what could happen to me, but because I was worried for others. Some members of my family also stated some discouraging things about homosexuals. Due to this fact, I obviously never truly disclosed my orientation to anybody. When asked the question for why I did not have a girlfriend, I always gave the same answer; girlfriends would distract me from my studies, once I am financially stable then I will concentrate and have time for love. In the seventh grade I asked out a girl but then backed out in fear of rejection. Thus I also used that to my advantage. For those girls who I thought were good-looking, I always made sure that people heard it. It seemed to work for the most part; since I talked about business and the like, I was portrayed as being nerdy. Though here and there, smalls joke would be made implying I was gay but did not develop into fruition. Apparently I am not obvious because I still have my family fooled even though I watch HGTV, Food Network, and love to give fashion and room design advice. Actually, my mother and aunts constantly took me to the mall with them as a youngster to ask my opinion on clothes they tried on. My homosexual behaviors (actions people find uncanny for a male) have been going on for quite awhile, at a young age, around 10 or 11. There was one instance that occurred awhile before that, but I will not go into detail.

But in college it is profoundly different, student are more mature and accepting of others. They don't let petty differences distract them from what is truly important. Due to my exposure to my high school, I believed the whole world acted similarly. But thankfully, to everyone's benefit, it doesn't. We had a College Clubs Fair a couple weeks ago. I signed up for many clubs except the GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance). It kept popping up as if the kiosk was on fire. I paced back and forth, pretending I was looking for a club when I was actually contemplating whether to sign up, but I was afraid to join, thus I didn't.

As time went on, I noticed many things at college but witnessing students getting along and becoming friends with one another, no matter what their differences, was truly inspiring. Many openly disclosed their sexual orientation, and the receivers pass it by as if it was no big deal-they were completely accepting. Posting and reading messages at the Gay Gamers Union and reading articles on About.com by Ramone Johnson and others gave me confidence. About two weeks ago I decided to attend a GSA meeting, and felt very comfortable there. College gives me the courage to do things I normally wouldn't around those I knew. I am happier and feel free; that I can explore and demonstrate myself without feeling ostracized and devoting my energy to worrying about others reactions. I felt like I was imprisoned for a larger part of my life, my true self was lost within and someone or something else was taking its place.

Some might say it's unhealthy due to the fact that I am running away from my problems, on the contrary, I feel better about myself and expressing my sexuality, thus giving me the courage to eventually make known my sexuality to all.

This is not to say that my problems are solved. Even though I am happier just knowing I can express my sexuality openly, I still haven't completely-I didn't mention my sexuality to others yet, though I came close to it. And every once in a while you can here references to gays but it can largely be ignored, though it still discourages me. But with a little more time and assurance it will happen, and I will be and even happier person for it. My generation is the most diverse in U.S. history, hopefully acceptance will come along with it.

Here is a closing statement to think about: It has been over 40 years since the Civil Rights movement, yet we as people still put our differences first. Indirect segregation, institutional discrimination/general discrimination, and racism are still prevalent today. Why is that?