First of all, I`d like to thank all of you who supported me in my times of difficulties with life... But I think I`m gonna need more of that now...

Considering the fact my husband suddenly got fired (for which I still cannot find any good reason - his boss said something like "You`re too expensive for me, I found someone who`ll work for 2000kn instead of 3500kn" - to "translate" to Euro; it is 273 Eur and 480 Eur), we got in a... how do I put it... some financial difficulties. Let`s just say my entire (and I mean ENTIRE) paycheck goes to paying rent and bills and credit rate, so you could say we are basically poor now - poor like in "eating beans few times a week".

So we decided that the best thing we can do is for him to go on the coast and work there for entire summer. And he did, this morning. As usually, I was the strong one, he was the emotional one, although I already feel the long fingers of depression dragging me like those on the photo in X-Files epi "Unruhe".

It`s not so much about being separated... It is not the first time and somehow I doubt it is the last. It IS hard, and hurts to be alone in the apartment which is so FULL of him, but this I can live with.

But the fear of same sh*t happening again, the fear of him leaving for nothing, the fear that he will not be paid for his work once and again... Yes, being married to a cook has it`s advantages, but it also has flaws. Here in Croatia, it is very hard for cooks and waiters to find a good and fair payed job, and to keep it is even harder.

Not to mention how hard it is to talk to people who have their own apartments, parents who give them money - or at least food - people who are buying cars and going on the vacation to the seaside... How envious I am, and how angry at myself for that!....

So, basically, I am frustrated, sad, angry, worried, affraid, depressed... just name it.