School is starting and I'm just not gonna have time to be on this site too much!

So yeah, I won't be on this site too much. Also friends and people are home from summer vacation. This is my junior year in highschool so it's important that I don't mess it up like last year!

I wanna give a quick shout-out to Isabel, Emoharuno, and Dafoose for being some of the best users on here!

Also I finally made a new fanfic account and posted a new story!

Its called Into The Fever , and you can read by clicking on the link! xD

Please leave a comment, even if you didn't love it.

also Here are some Misc. Poems from my creative writing cl@ss I put on Deviant. Lol I don't think anyones ever read them, but you can if you want, and like always, comments are loved. =] http://indierockaltgirl.deviantart.com/

xoxo

-Tessa

god i've got some juicy stuff to tell you guys:

So...i finally am home from my two week alaska tour.

1 week on land, which as you can tell from my previous blog...sucked BIG TIME

and 1 week at sea which i gotta say...totally rocked =]

Soooo lemme start off by saying ITS REALLY GOOD TO BE BACK IN THE CITY, TO SEE ALL MY FRIENDS AGAIN, lol to have interenet again. The first thing i did when i arrived into laguardia airport was rush back to my apartment, drop my bags, run to my favie italian resturant and get chicken parmisean because food in alaska (except for the salmon bake) was horrrrible!

But of course what would be a fun week on a cruise without juicy stories xD

i'll start at the beginning. I was seriously looking forward to getting on the cruise because the land portion sucked, and everyone was like 85 years old.

so i walk onto the cruise ship and it is beautiful!

I toured around with my mom, dad, my aunt, uncle, 12 year old cousin, grandfather and grandma on my dad's side. there is a HUUUGE spa, two really nice pools, a 24 hour buffet (which came in handy), spa, casino (i kept trying to sneak in xD), clothing and jewlery stores and like 5 hotubs.

and to top it all off we had a really nice room, a minisuite on the 9th floor with a balcony.

So me my mom, aunt, and conner (cousin) walk around the ship the first night, and i notice ALOT OF REALLY HOT GUYS

Now, before you read on I must warn you, it may get a little well, not appropriate for young eyes and also i'm not exactly the nicest person so don't judge me.

so i go back to the room, and see that theres like this teen center which i just assume is gonna be really lame and none of the hot kids are gonna be there but i end up checking it out and everyones just watching a movie so i leave.

The next day i worked out, saw hot guys in the gym, got a message, saw more hot guys and after dinner i decided i wanted to go back to the pool to meet more kids. I take my little cousin conner so i don't look like such a loner.

A woman approaches us and says theres a "teen hotub party" going on outside and i'm think omg it's being so freaking lame, nobody fun or cool is gonna be there, but to my surprise i meet a nice grounp of kids. later on you find out we're not so nice.

So i meet these people:

Colleen, 15, who ends up becoming my best friend on the ship who on the last night i kinda betray, knowing i'll never see her again.

Tandia: this really quiet 14 year old girl from canada with her bangs in her face, but ends up be really crazy fun

Erin: 13 year old girl, kinda weird, talks about how she's an outcast at school

Andrew: 16 year old guy, uhhh we'll get to that

Austin (technically his name is cameron, but i thought it was Austin and no one bothered to correct me til' like the third day so i call him austin)-Andrew's 13 year old younger brother, turns on to be a real pain in the ass

Sarah (her name is anya, no one corrected me...AGAIN)-16 years old, gave head to a guy in a tree, and we spent our whole vaca trying to figure that one out. she's really weird.

danny: 17 from ny, he has an afro

charles: 13 from cali, has a hot 25 older brother

nicole: 12 year old girl and she has a weird brother

and Corey: 15 year old who looks 19

and there are some other kids, T.J., ping pong kid (hot bod, ugly face),and a variety of other people I can't think of right now.

So we socialize and already i getting freaking eye raped by andrew and corey, which i don't mind the attention. I set out looking for hookups as sorta a weird vengence thing involoving an ex-boyfriend, but never mind that.

So colleen and I hang out together the next day. Immeadatly we start talking about boys. She's very innocent, naiive and i'm kinda...not, but still we get along. She likes corey, and guess i sorta liked andrew.

We hang out with corey, andrew, tandia, erin and sarah that night and start talking about the craziest stuff we've ever done. Corey and I are talking about drugs and partying and s*** and then of course the convo shifts to sex and everyone joins in. But then for some weird reason colleen lies about having had sex and the next day i'm like "why'd you say that?" and she was like "i was just kidding." but i knew it had something to do with her wanted corey i was certain.

So the next night the group kinda breaks off into me, andrew, corey and colleen. and we all get like really close and friendly. We were laying on couches then running around the buffet and throwing food at eachother and other fun s***.

so then we all go down this big lounge were they're playing a movie and corey and colleen go to one couth and andrew and are like laying on the floor i have my head on his chest and no one did anything but we just kinda talked and flirted then i had to go to sleep.

The next night the 4 of us go to corey's room because he's there with his 2 older brothers, who are @SSholes btw, and his parents, but he only shares a room with his brothers and they we out drinking or watev. so collen and corey are on one bed on andrew and I are on another and we're like laughing and watching tv but then we turn the tv off and andrew and start making out and he is a HORRIBLE KISSER. Just dreadful. It was all like sloppy and a weird position and he didn't try anything else and i was never really super attracted to him.

I look over at colleen and corey and they're just laying there, which doesnt surprise me cuz colleen is really prude but corey is like the opposite. so i get up and i'm like "colleen let's go to the buffet to get some banging food (inside joke)" cuz i was hungry and i didn't want to be around andrew anymore.

So we do, we talk, she wants to know what happens, I don't tell her what a horrible kisser he is and how disgusted i am by him, which happens to me alot for some reason. but corey and andrew come join us like 15 minutes later and andrew goes somewhere, and corey asks me "so how was it?" i'm like "alright" and he keeps asking but i keep leading on that i didn't enjoy it.

We join colleen and andrew back in the buffet and joke and kid around, but I avoid making eye contact with andrew.

after we left and everyone went back to there room it was just me and andrew on the elevator and his gave me a kiss goodnite and said "love you"

Ok: I FREAKED OUT. i just kinda waved bye, ran to my room and FREAKED OUT. It scares me when people get THAT ATTATCHED, that quickly and i was even more disgusted by him.

You have to understand even when i'm in a relationship with someone I never say "i love you" because i never mean it, i would much rather say i "i lust you."

So the next day the ship docked in Scaguway which like this little shyty, tourist, alaskan town, but it actually very pretty like nature wise and i everyone has excursions in the morning, I had dog sledding and scenic train ride and everyone else had fun stuff like glaciar hiking, helecopter rides, atv tours, zip lining, and so on. but it late when we all get back because we people had 2 excursions and we crash in the teen on the couth all piling ontop of eachother like always.

So more unimportant stuff happens, more tours, we visit juneau and do stuff, but corey and I start to get close, while andrew starts to catch on that I have no interest in him. for example, we are all sitting on the couth, i was sitting on corey and colleen was sitting on me and andrew came to sit behind me and put his arm around me and i flinched and moved away.

Collen FINALLY starts making out with corey, kinda, after lots of motivation from me, because i was her friend and wanted to see her happy, but she's weird and awkward in the way that she kisses him, probably from lack of experience.

In the mean time though we are pushing andrew out of the circle. Corey and I are like whispering stuff in eachothers ears, laying on top of eachother, all touchy feely but more like friends.

I have this theory why guys like me. I know what they want, I can see through whatever act they put on to get girls because i would rather just have it straight forward. I want to either be your friend or get with you or both. I don't want holding hands, late night convorsations on the phone, texts saying how much you miss me, mushy ridiculous romantic corny cliche crap. Basically, i don't want to be your girlfriend. I honestly, i don't make a very good girlfriend. Someone tells me:

"your cute"
"your sweet"
"I really like you"

i don't know what to say...so i say "thanks"

So the last day there are no more stops, and we have a full day out at sea so we all agree to meet up at the buffet and hang out all day. We all chill around the pool and i bring down my ipod stereo and i guess the guys are surprised that this little blonde NYC girl listens to nirvana and stone temple pilots, rage against the machine and puddle of mud.

So colleen is sitting on Corey and I must say there is a bit of envy because until a yesturday i never really realized how hot he was. Muscular, blue eyes, i mean like really attractive, but for some reason, I didn't notice.

So me and corey has this kind of joke, that was kind of not a joke all at the same time. we were like "tomorrow we should have an all day F***fest." and we'd all laugh but we were kind of serious.

Obviously at that time, they didn't know i had no desire to be anywhere near andrew, and later i told colleen. When colleen went to her room and me and all the guys were chilling around the pool corey told me that andrew thought i wasn't into him anymore. I kinda half denied for some reason, maybe for the sake of jelousy, but later i whispered to him that i really didn't want to hook up with andrew again.

We all wanted to go back to corey's room but suddenly colleen's prudish ways and morals got in the way and this is were it gets interesting.

She told me she was nervous that she gonna get pressured into having sex or something, which was my whole intention for wanting to go the room in the first place but we were all gonna go and it would have been weird for me to go with just him alone at that point.

Ever watch the movie cruel intentions?

That's what i felt like. That girl, the really devious sexual one who corrupts that other girl into having sex. I convinced her nothing would happen, blah blah blah, and i couldn't believe what a damn good bich i am. But the key was to NOT have andrew follow us, considering he came with us last time and we were kinda a group of 4 but trying to break away from him. I convinced her to come with. So over like 15 minuetes we all went into the hallway, casually.

Corey and I lagged behind, talking about what horrible people we are and how much we loved it.

Colleen start to get all stiff and nervous on the walk there, and i could see she was hoping that his brothers would be in the room so we wouldn't be able to go in. she kept saying she felt sick, that her dad got her sick, and her stomach and head hurt but i could read her like a book.

I knew, because i was once that way.

But none the less we all just lay down on his bed and watch spiderman. I'm close to him, but Colleen is at the edge of the bed, looking at her phone, nervous.

Eventually, with our little evil ways of persausion we convince her to come sit with us.

But of course before anything happens his brothers knock on the door and they want pack and do stuff so we leave.

We have this little chill place underneath a stairwell and it's kinda dark and cozy, although you have to be careful beause your in a hallway and people are walking by, but it's near the end of the the hallway, and your shielded a bit

Me corey and collen all get like real close, just face to face, but he is more interested in colleen and everytime we reposition puts his arms more around her, gives her little kisses. But Colleen, still young, still naiive, i think gets that pinge of nervouness and she also wanted to go hang with tandia. So she leaves corey and i there and we are like just really close to eachother, talking about everything like close friends, but nothing else.

Colleen comes back for a bit, but she is very hyper, because she has like ADHD and she also you know innocent and doesn't know how to just chill.

But again, we are still realy close to eachother, his hands over me, i am playing with his hair, and andrew walks by, not knowing we were there with colleen and they are talking or whatev, me and corey start laughing because that must be really awkward for andrew to see us like this, and i guess it was so much like sexual tension that it finally broke and we kinda turned to eachother, really clsoe face to face like we have 1,000 times when nothing has happened, and kisses me, lightly but like full-on, and it's really good.

But colleen nor andrew see this, which i'm kinda happy about and me collen and corey just kinda run around, the ship, run into some kids we know, then eventually go back to under the stairs.

Again, Corey is paying more attention to colleen but i finally realize it's to make to me jelous, and i like that. She walks away and me and corey just like go at it. And we are making out just under this stairwell, real intense occasionaly having to break and look up when people walk by. And it starts to get a little more intense, you know what I mean, when colleen walks by and see's and I know It just broke her heart.

But he was such a good a kisser, and good with his hands, and this was my last night, and i would never see any of these people again and I didn't care. She walked away and came back 2 minuetes later and we broke apart, not wanting her to see us all you know.

So she like sitting on the stairs, but i hadn't realized she saw us before, and she kinda milling around their, awkardly, just talking to us. And every chnace corey is like "why don't you go and hang with tandia" because she kept complaining about how she wanted to see her friends, while he would have done anything to just get me alone.

But she knows this, and she's jelous, and a bit envious of me, but she will never admit that.

eventually she leaves, and we immedadatly go back to were we were. and 5 minuetes later she walks by with ANDREW! ohhh how his heart must have dropped to see us.

she does this purpously, believing that i will be jelous of andrew or something but she doesn't realize how absolutly repulsed i am of him and how much would love for him to see me and corey togehter.

We stop, trying to zip of pants and what not, and we all talk awkwardly for a bit, and this time we don't wait for colleen and andrew to go away and start making out again right in front of them which just crushes them. when they walk away we laugh a little alot, realizing how evil we both truley are and go back to what we are doing.

But i have a 12 o' cloth curfew that night because we need to get up early to the next morning to deboard the ship and leave for vancouver airport.

I was thirsty and wanted to say bye to Colleen so we walked up stairs to the fitness room to get some water.

she looks at me and says "so you guys having fun."

i'm a little winded, and smile back and say "yes, you're not mad at me though are you?"

she says "no! of course not! you can have him i'm sick of him, i need to move on."

although i know that a lie

and then she says "so are you sick of him yet?"

and in her heart she was wishing so hard that i'd say yes but i shook my head and said "no."

she was devastated.

I didn't realize how late it was though and i said farewell to colleen and everyone. and told corey i had to go back to my room. but he really wanted to have sex, and so did I, but it was already past 12, and i had to go.

We stood there, he still looked lustfully at me, and i left him with this like kinda soft and passionate kiss like in the movies.

He turned around as a i walked away and said "if there's any slim chance that you can convicne your parents to let you stay out any longer i'll be in the teen room."

I smiled, i loved being lusted after.

Once while talking with my closest guy friend, I explained to him that i liked to live my life cinamitic.

He didn't understnad what that meant i told him i expected everything to be like the movies, i wanted everything thing to be drama and action filled, lust, and cinamatic. That's how i wanted to live my life.

The next day at breakfast, i was able to say goodbye to colleen again and i asked her why should took andrew to walk past us, and she said it was because they wanted to go the buffet, but i know she would never actually tell me why.

I saw Corey at breakfast, and we talked briefly but his brothers were there so it was weird. At the airport i walked around with Colleen some more and at first she seemed a little distant, but then very scared to lose me. We saw corey again. And we waved and what not.

I arrived to home tonight, and colleen has been texting me and corey non-stop (she told me she was texting him). I don't think i will ever see her again, altough she is convinced i will.

I might see corey again. It lives in long island, and we frequent alot of the same parties in ocean city down the shore in jeresy, but it makes no difference if i do or if i don't, i just like always like keeping friendly with everyone.

So there you go.

Long right?

well i havn't been on for 2 weeks so I had alot to tell you guys.

So this is my third day in alaska and i'm about to rip my hair out.

the average age here is about...125...and all i've done is seen alot of nature out of the window of buses while some crazy a$$ tour guide talks about shooting chickens in the neck!

We go on a nature tour through Denali park and your suppose to see wildlife....HA..we saw 2 bears, from binocular, 2 sheep which looked like specs of white, and i saw a bumble bee! great... 5 hours of trees and mountains and grass and moose turds.

people live litteraly in the middle of no where. there is NO shopping, no ANYTHING!

the lodges are ugly and horrible, cell phone reception sucks and the wi-fi moves so slow!

i'm a city girl at heart, this place is the LAST place in America I would want to live.

I went on the cheesiest/ most tourist boat tour where i learned about the athabaskin indians and they treat you like idiots! Omg omg omg, get me a blunt, some boys my age, and shot of captain and plane ticket back to NYC.

I'll try to get on the boards a little later...it's difficult when theres nothing but nature and old people surrounding you.

luckily the cruise part starts tomorrow and that should be fun. but until then i'm stuck in a lodge full of people waiting for mt. mckinly to come out. like it so effing great. it's just another effing mountain!

I'm so sick of nature...I miss my city =[