I was pulled over again last night, but managed to only get a warning. It got me thinking. I have been pulled over numerous times. Quite frankly, I'm baffled by the fact that I've never even gotten a ticket yet. Its not just the number of times that I've been pulled over, but the stupid crap I end up saying to the cop. If I were in their shoes, I would have given myself a ticket for being dumb enough to say this stuff. I figure Ill list my top 3.

Apologetic
So I'm going 60 in a 35 and spot a cop in a speed trap. I slow down, but to no avail. The lights flash and I pull over. After the initial licence and registration crap, the officer says "Sir, are you aware that you were doubling the speed limit? Children ride their bikes on this road." It was my first time getting pulled over and all I could think to say was "I'm sorry" in probably the least convincing voice I could have mustered if I tried. The cop had just lectured me on killing kids and all I could come up with was "I'm sorry". I guess "I'm sorry" can make anything better.

The Dude
This happened last night. Besides getting pulled over for running a stop sign (which was bs. I definately slowed down), everything was going pretty smoothly. I didn't argue with cop over the bogus pull over and he let me off with a warning. Then I said it. "Thanks, dude. It won't happen again, dude. Really, thanks, dude. Have a good night, dude." I didn't realise i had been that air-headed until my friend mentioned it as I drove away. Dude? Even if you ignore how reduntant it was, it was still stupid. Who the hell calls a cop "dude"? How can a cop have any semblance of authority when he's being called "dude"?

Playing Stupid Stupidly
We were picking up a friend who lived 40 minutes away and I didn't really feel like driving. I got to a waste of an intersection (nobody ever comes the other way anyways) and figured I'd run the light. A cop was waiting in a country store parking lot. Lights, licence, registration-everyone knows the deal. "Sir, are you aware that you just went 40 through that red light?" I had been in a criminal justice c l a s s a few days ago on officer discrecion in traffic stops. One of the strategies was Socratic Questioning. I figured there was no way that would work. But I had just speed through a red light, and there was no way I was going to get off the hook. So why not? "I did?", I asked. "Sir, have you been drinking?" The cop scanned around the car with his flashlight and found no empties. That was when he had enough. He warned me to obey red lights and went back to his cruiser. I still think Socratic Questioning is bull and the cop just didn't want his coffee to get cold.