Wow, what the...? I've come by here and given up about three times bc the page took soooo long to load. Okay, so my internet is slow.... But still... Why am I here today? Well, I can't sleep, and I thought I'd see if there was news on Dollhouse. Page took so long I gave up.
Hopefully everyone's been doing great and having less stressful days than me.
I've managed to keep up with The Mentalist (up tp ep 10) and Supernatural (downloaded til 410, only watched til the Halloween episode). Loving Supernatural!! Too bad about Pushing Daisies... So, second reason I'm here... hehe Guess. No guessing? Okay, so I can ramble endlessly, of course. I just finished watching Accepted for the umpteenth time to see if I'd better my mood, but now I'm just spiralling into thoughts of anger again. Not good...
So, for anyone who still remembers me and maybe remembers my mentioning I have an insane professor as my advisor, here's the straw that broke the camel's (aka my) back: I'm finishing up my first year as a resident this feb, and I have to renew for the second year. We had an unrelated confusion last week when the hospital director decided she didn't want any of the surgery residents doing surgery, and told us to simply go home. Since we're not on vacation and she didn't hand in anything on paper, we're not insane enough to actually do as she says, so we just hung around and not did surgery, hehe. Anyways, when I stopped by her office to ask for those instructions in writing, by coincidence my supervisor was there and when the subject somehow turned to my second year of residency, the director asked me how I was planning to do that without a supervisor. I asked my supervisor what she was talking about and he just stared at me!! Since everyone else is on vacation, they were the only two professos at the university friday, so there was no one else to talk to.
Okay, so I spent friday panicking, got on a bus to my hometown not knowing when I'd come back, spent saturday calling professors and appologizing several times for calling on a saturday morning, hehe. And spent the weekend in despair... This week, I started trying to get things straightened out. All he had to do was give me a written statement saying he doesn't want to be my supervisor anymore, but he wouldn't. Whenever I asked for one, he'd just insist that I wasn't going to have a second year, therefore I didn't need him to say he wouldn't be my supervisor. Finally, the mess got to such proportions that the hospital director called him today and asked him to put it in writing. He started yelling at her over the phone. The entire conversation lasted 30 minutes, and the short version of it is: No, he doesn't want to be my supervisor. No, he will not put that in writing because that would fit into some conspiracy theory that everyone is out to get him (I'm not joking). And if it comes down to putting it in writing and remaining as my supervisor (which requires no written statements) he'll remain my supervisor!!!
Is that really screwed up or is it just me?
Well, I put up with one year of humiliation, being yelled at in front of pet owners and students and teachers, listening that I wasn't worth anything, that I didn't know anything, but this was literally the last straw. I'll try to find a peaceful way to get transfered to another professor, but if I can't, I'll give him the fight he wants. I drafted three sets of papers, one of them is him saying he doesn't want me anymore and all he'd have to do is sign. The other is one in which I ask to change supervisors, no reason given, and the third is my asking to change supervisor with some lame excuse about wanting to study neurology (which is true, but still...). He'd have to sign that also, but I know he won't. The problem is that at the end of the day, I am a mere student and he is a professor, and he doesn't need to respect me, but anything I do will be seen as disrespect towards him. Did I ramble on enough already? I just really wanted to get this out of my system. I'm having trouble focusing on what I have to do, and I'm so stressed that weird stuff is manifesting like allergies on my skin and I don't have allergies.
I lost any confidence I still had in him, and I can't really spend another year feeling like some puppy's chew toy. You know, the one the dog leaves in the corner cause he doesn't want to play anymore, but if any other dogs come near it or if you go to put it away, he runs up and takes the toy with him for just as long as someone else is showing interest. I am that chew toy, and the professor doesn't want to sign the papers saying he doesn't want to be my supervisor anymore because then I'd go to another supervisor (which he loathes).
Now I do think I've ranted enough and hopefully I'll manage to stay calm tomorrow when I try to talk to someone about this. The problem is I don't know who. The director is his best friend and she doesn't like me. The professor in charge of the residency is just tempoarily in charge bc the other guy quit and so he doesn't want trouble in his couple of months on the job, and no one else wants t pick a fight that isn't theirs. I guess I'm screwed then. Great.
I should really go to sleep.
I wish it didn't take so long to load the pages for tv.com on my computer, that way I could actually look up the series I was meaning to when I got here.
Hopefully this blog will manage to be posted. 
Good night and until the next blue moon. 