warning: the following user is completly insane and therefore possibly dangerous. Do not feed him. Do not fling poop at him, and whatever you do.... do NOT fart in his general direction with great impunity.

Well its been a while coming- mostly due to laziness and me being busy due to entering the crotch scratching olympics (I got 3rd place! maybe ill beat you next year Steel Attack! )

Numero Five

High Maitenance Girlfriends



Ahh... you spot her from across the way when you're out with your friends. Shes stunning, amazing... you get talking to her, ask her out, take her out a few times, and then hook up. Then after the very first time you make love it actually opens the gates of hell and this girl turns into satan.

"Do my laundry!" "do the cleaning!" "stop hanging out with your friends!" "pay attention to me!" "stop drinking!" "stop scratching your junk in public its embarassing!" "Sex? with YOU? lol. Thats what my OTHER boyfriend is for... go clean my car."

Numero Four

Cats



Maybe its a jealousy thing. If I could lay around all day sleep, be petted and loved and then lick my own groin id have it made! But actually its more of an allergy thing. Anytime I enter a cat persons house I gradually within the half hour begin sneezing fits and eye watering hell.

Have you ever been making out with a cute girl whos clothes are covered in cat fur and you end up sneezing all over her face? Im not talking light mist sneeze either.... ohh frickin noez I mean full on booger coating madness.... oh sure its funny cause you're sitting there laughing going "lol ur a stupid boogerface" but it seriously ruins your odds of super happy nekked playtime. ****in cats

Numero Three

Pants



Look, I did NOT buy glow in the dark scooby doo boxer shorts to NOT show them off to people! And besides that think of how awesome it would be eh ladys? You could check out what a guy is packing before bothering to put up with his crap! At least you know it would be worthwhile then. Besides it would be fun to swing my mighty hammer of love at the unsuspecting public! Id have to legally change my name to hugeu mcwang. But the terrible truth is... Ive been anti pants ever since a squirrel ran up mine and I couldnt get him out! He had his way with me! and now im pregnant with his bastard squirrel baby

Stop the madness-If you support pants you support squrriel rape

Numero Deuceo

Beans



Contrary to popular belief they are not magical. Eating a big meal of these before you go out on a date with that special loved one is only a recipe for disaster- trust me. Guys if you were ever to take my word on just one thing I say in your whole lives make it this one. If you thought allergy boogers killed your game wait until you see what mighty tectonic farts of stink will do.

Numer Uno

The Duck Billed Platypus



Look at THIS crazy ****ing thing! Truly the stuff nightmares are born of! Half duck, half beaver, ALL EVIL. You're out at the park at nighttime... the crys of quack quack can be heard all around and then lulling you into a false sense of security.. and then something crawls in from the water and claws your ****ing eyes out!

Look if they were to do a documentary on this thing it would go something like this: "The duck billed platypus's natural habitat is unknown.... most scientists agree its likley the seventh layer of hell where it serves satan. Its diet consists mainly of human innocence and love. Like the horny humping squirrels of mexico they have been known to violate behinds!"

I know, I know I still havent posted part 2 of my other blog but im working on it and trust me its gonna be good when its down. For now though I was talking with another poster on the GGD in the thread "what games would you like to see made" and this is what I came up with:

I picture the game as a third person action style game with an over the shoulder camera view a la RE4. There are lite RPG elements to the game such as improving your driving, your shooting, your hand to hand combat, your investigation skills, interrogation skills and so on. Rewarded over time just by doing those things over and over a la San Andreas or Oblivion for example.

The plot starts you off as a rookie going through the academy as the turorial section and the game opens up into ultimatley taking down a tightly knit drug syndicate, serial killers, etc. You could also have the choice later on to be corrupt or not, ferret out corrupt cops as part of some quest. Oh and the game should have some sort of morality meter that measures your actions towards either corrupt cop or hero cop! Killing civilians, arresting innocent people, causing wanton destruction makes the meter go down but doing opposite things makes it go up.

You would get rewarded with ranks after doing so many missions going all the way from rookie to police cheif over the course of the few years the game would take place as.

And the game would still be playable either if you're a corrupt cop or not- it would just evolve differently. If given the right voice actors, story, and character development, with the mix of some lite rpg elements, a sandbox feel, and tight combat a game about being a cop could be done so right it would be incredible.

And im talking about a realistic high production value style game with awesome characters and choices to make... not some cartoony GTA ripoff either.

Well im a little bored and searching for a new blog idea (well new for me anyways) usually I stick to talking about games, strippers or beer. Or games you play with strippers and beer. Or beer you drink with strippers, or stripping while playing games with beer... or something.

So below is 10 random people, places or things I hate- featuring my trademark wit and panache. If it was a crime to love yourself too much they'd 'ave locked me up years ago they would!

Since im a little time constrained im gonna split this blog in half and give you my top 5 some other time cooming soon. But for now here is 10 random things I hate!

Numero Ten

Fish



Thats right fish. I can't stand them, they disgust me. The feel, look, taste and smell of them. Its like a nuclear assault of gross to every one of the senses. And look at this one! Two mouths! Thats what happens when you live in a huge oil industry city where rivers and lakes become the dumping bed of waste. Mega oil corporations run this place so they keep any law enforcement or environmental agency in their pocket. Nice. Now imagine frying this little fella up and eating him? *barf*

Numero Nine

Tequila



Did you ever wake up naked on the subway beside another man with michael jacksons face tattoed on your ass and a homeless guy stealing your pants? If you have experienced something similiar than it was probably because you drank too much tequila. Lets just say ive learned the hard way that nothing good ever comes from drinking Tequila.

Numero Eight

The ukulele



ukuleles. Annoying to play. Annoying to hear. Annoyingly small. Annoying word to spell. I was forced to play one of these in band growing up in elementary school. Yeah man this thing is rockin, I had so many friends and hot girls throw their underwear at me because of my mad ukulele skills. Oh wait that was in bizarro world.

Numero Seven

Fake Brittish Acents



No no Austin is ok because it works for him. To everyone else using a fake brittish acent on planet earth: You sound like a godamn idiot. If you are not brittish than do not speak with the accent. It seems like a pretty obscure thing to hate, but once you meet 5000 girls from farmsville Canada that speak with such an acent you want to curl up into a ball and cry yourself to sleep because such idiocy runs rampant.

Numero Six

The Llama



What the hell are these things supposed to be anyways? A giant rat mixed with dog and goat and horse? Whats worse than them looking creepy and insidious is the fact that they were designed this way-- by SATAN. Thats right know how everyone thinks the goat is the beast of evil? The llamas caused that rumor. Remember WW2? Llamas. Remember that time you caught your wife with another man? He was secretly a Llama in disguise.