I think February is the time of year when I feel like all the s h i t is coming down on me in in smelly brown heaps.

I really don't feel like being in university right now.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future lately. I don't know if I want to go to university. I don't know if I want to not go to university. (Oh yes, such wonderful conclusion. I should think more often lol).

I think I might take a year off after this half year of school. You know what I really want to do? I want to travel the world. I want to see Australia, South Africa, Morocco, Tibet, Russia, Italy, Germany, Ireland, Belize, Brazil, Chile, Peru, Mexico, Spain, Portugal, Egypt, Israel, Vietnam... yeah, I am totally going to shuttup now. But I love seeing things. I love thinking about the things I see. I love driving at night. I don't actually drive, but I like being passenger because I can think and see and not pay attention to the road. I want to get my license, though, and a cheap (but as environmentally friendly as possible!) car and drive across the US. Start in Upstate NewYork, drive to the East Coast hit up New York and Jersey, go south, go west, go north, see stuff. Take pictures. Meet people. Buy souvenirs. Enjoy life. I just want to live.

I was at a party last night, and a buddy asked me what I was going to do after highschool. I was like. I don't know and I hate it when people ask. But then he says that he understands, and goes on to say that whatever I did would be just fine, whether it's go to uni, go to college, don't go anywhere, doesn't matter. Whatever I do will be alright.

I was watching Gilmore Girls S3 special features, and one was of the cast talking about their growing up experiences. Most of them said that they were not teh best of students (even Kelly Bishop!). Look what they did. They became the stars of my favourite tv show. I don't want to act, but I don want to write. Maybe I'll write a book, because that's what I love. I don't like being trapped in a classroom.

If I spend my life working at bookstores or video rentals for a few months and then driving to the next small town, I'm so game. If I wait tables and bartend for a few weeks before backpacking to the next European city, I'm in. If I move to California and work at my dad's hot dog stand, that's cool. I just don't know what's for me. I think university would be amazing. But that's so much hard work that I'm not sure I'm really capable of. I don't want to start something until I'm ready. University is a big commitment, and if I do want to go, I want to make sure that I'm ready. I don't want to go, and then drop out after a year. No, I have to figure this out for me.

I have exactly 25 hours and 55 minutes to wait until it's time to watch SVU. Meanwhile, I've been driving myself nutty watching EO vidoes on Youtube. Frig. They have GOT to get together! It's killing me! FanFiction only does so much, and even the very best videos, however awesome they be, are mostly just fabulous scenes of shippyness taken completely out of context. It pains me.

But I can't stop. Because SVU is the greatest show ever still on the air. (Fingers crossed for the Gilmore movie. Best of luck, AS-P!)