... what it was like to be really happy. For the past three or more years I have been nothing more than miserable. I've been swimming in an ocean maze of depression and I keep thinking of suicide. It sucks, epsecially since I just really can't bring myself to trying to commit suicide. Sure I've never had horrible relationships or had as bad a life as other people here, but I just can't seem to feel or remember what happiness is anymore.
As of late I've been either angry, or just depressed. I hardly socialize outside, if I do go outside its for yard work or going to work. Maybe buying that new computer really was a bad idea overall. 
I seriously could've paid off my credit card as well as a small abundance of my school loans, but no. I wasted $600 on something that won't make me happy. 
I still cannot drive, I still cannot tolerate this damn weather because its either hot or oh hey thunderstorm. 
We gave away our miniature pinchers back in February/March. It sucks because Dad wanted them gone so no poop in the house. I am almost crying because I miss Tyler and Tika. The other dogs were alright, but I really liked those two. I live in shadows of which I can't afford to tell people because it might just give me more stress.
I'm not even sure if OT is the same stupid 20 threads of the same boring crap everyday? I couldn't stand the constant repeating threads because its a waste of space on the internet which could've been used for more relevant things. All in the name of boosting your post count. I gave up spamming because it made me feel more uneducated among other things. I can't really bring myself to come here anymore because of silly people who feel they need to make 5 threads a day and talk crap about everything in the world when they can't really back it up. ex. Meh_Guy.
Its just tough for me to figure out what to do with my life. I've blocked people on MSN for random stupid crap. I deleted people for no apparent reason. I hardly even speak to people anymore out of thinking they're busy or the blind hope that someone might want to talk to me. I'm sorry folks, I'm a real drag of a mess who is forgetful of all the positive things I do in life. Often I find myself struggling for nothing.
I really can't stay comfortable. If I do its a long road that I really wouldn't mind making short, but will it help? I wouldn't mind coming back to chill, but its hard to clean a mess that "noobs" have done to OT comparible to the catastrophe that Katrina did to New Orleans. 
P.S. Oh yeah, how the hell do I download my video I submitted? I really would like to have it on my hard-drive. @(_@