... what it was like to be really happy. For the past three or more years I have been nothing more than miserable. I've been swimming in an ocean maze of depression and I keep thinking of suicide. It sucks, epsecially since I just really can't bring myself to trying to commit suicide. Sure I've never had horrible relationships or had as bad a life as other people here, but I just can't seem to feel or remember what happiness is anymore.

As of late I've been either angry, or just depressed. I hardly socialize outside, if I do go outside its for yard work or going to work. Maybe buying that new computer really was a bad idea overall. I seriously could've paid off my credit card as well as a small abundance of my school loans, but no. I wasted $600 on something that won't make me happy. I still cannot drive, I still cannot tolerate this damn weather because its either hot or oh hey thunderstorm.

We gave away our miniature pinchers back in February/March. It sucks because Dad wanted them gone so no poop in the house. I am almost crying because I miss Tyler and Tika. The other dogs were alright, but I really liked those two. I live in shadows of which I can't afford to tell people because it might just give me more stress.

I'm not even sure if OT is the same stupid 20 threads of the same boring crap everyday? I couldn't stand the constant repeating threads because its a waste of space on the internet which could've been used for more relevant things. All in the name of boosting your post count. I gave up spamming because it made me feel more uneducated among other things. I can't really bring myself to come here anymore because of silly people who feel they need to make 5 threads a day and talk crap about everything in the world when they can't really back it up. ex. Meh_Guy.

Its just tough for me to figure out what to do with my life. I've blocked people on MSN for random stupid crap. I deleted people for no apparent reason. I hardly even speak to people anymore out of thinking they're busy or the blind hope that someone might want to talk to me. I'm sorry folks, I'm a real drag of a mess who is forgetful of all the positive things I do in life. Often I find myself struggling for nothing.

I really can't stay comfortable. If I do its a long road that I really wouldn't mind making short, but will it help? I wouldn't mind coming back to chill, but its hard to clean a mess that "noobs" have done to OT comparible to the catastrophe that Katrina did to New Orleans.

P.S. Oh yeah, how the hell do I download my video I submitted? I really would like to have it on my hard-drive. @(_@

Yep, I was online today... and I sure am bored. @(_@ Also I hate work.

I had completely spaced my 4 year anniversary Monday. Sorry, but then again its apparently not a big deal. @(_@

Monday was a sad day for me, my friend Fratley *also pet ferret* passed away on Monday. The weekend was excrutiatingly painful and took it's toll on him. He lived for 3.5 years. Still he lives on in my memory as well as the few pictures I have of him. @_@

Anyway, I'm tired, I'm gonna go now...