Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as The Lawyer, and the party of the second part, also known as The Light Bulb, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (Receptacle), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (New Light Bulb). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part.

This is so sad

Boy- Hey, Hun.    

Girl- Hey.
Boy- I missed you at school today, why weren't you there?
Girl- Yeah, I had to go to the doctor.
Boy- Oh really? Why?
Girl- Oh nothing, annual shots, that’s all.
Boy- Oh.
Girl- So what did we do in math today?
Boy- You didn’t miss anything that great...just lots of notes.
Girl- Ok good.
Boy- Yeah.
Grl- Hey I have a question...
Boy- Ok, ask away.
Girl-...How much do you love me?
Boy- You know I love you more than anything.
Girl- Yeah... 
Boy- Why did you ask?
Girl-................*silence*.........
Boy- Is something wrong?
Girl- No nothing at all.
Boy- Good.
Girl- ..............How much do you care about me?
Boy- I would give you the world in a heartbeat if I could.
Girl- You would?
Boy- Yeah.........of course I would. *sounding worried* Is there something wrong??
Girl- No, everything’s fine...
Boy- Are you sure?
Girl- Yeah.
Boy- Ok...I hope so.
Girl-..............Would you die for me? 
Boy- I would take a bullet for you anyway, Hun.
Girl- Really?
Boy- Anyway. Now seriously, is there something wrong???
Girl- No I'm fine, you're fine, we're fine, everyone’s fine.
Boy- ............Ok.
Girl-......................Well I have to go I'll see you tomorrow at school.
Boy- All right, bye. I LOVE YOU.
Girl- Yeah, I love u too, bye.

 

THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL:

Boy- Hey, have you seen my g/f today?
Friend- No.
Boy- Oh.

Friend- She wasn’t here yesterday either.
Boy- I know, she was acting all weird on the phone last night.
Friend- Well dude you know how girls are sometimes.
Boy- Yeah...but not her.
Friend- I don't know what else to say, man.
Boy- Ok well I gotta get to English, I'll see you after school.
Friend- Yeah I gotta get to science, til.

 

THAT NIGHT: ring- -ring- -ring- -ring-

Girl- Hello?
Boy- Hey
Girl- Oh, hi.
Boy- Why weren't you at school today?
Girl- Uh...I had another doctor appointment.
Boy- Are you sick?
Girl- ..................Um I have to go, my mom's calling on my other line.
Boy- I'll wait.

Girl- It may take a while, I'll call you later. 
Boy-...All right, I love you Hun.

Very long pause*
Girl- (With tear in her eye) Look, I think we should break up.
Boy-What???
Girl- It’s the best thing for us right now.
Boy- Why??
Girl- I love you.
click*

THE GIRL DOESNT COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS, AND DOESN'T ANSWER HER PHONE.

 

Boy- Hey dude.
Friend- Hey.
Boy- What's up?
Fiend- Nothing, hey have you talked to your ex lately? 
Boy- No.
Friend- So you didn’t hear?

Boy- Hear what?
Friend- Um I don’t think I should be the one to tell you...
Boy- Dude, what tell me.
Friend- Uh.... call this number.... 433-555-3468.
Boy- Ok............

BOY CALLS NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL ring- -ring- -ring-

 

Voice- Hello, Supper County Hospital, this is nurse Beckam.
Boy- Uh...I must have the wrong number, I'm looking for my friend.
Voice- What is her name, sir? (Boy gives info)
Voice- Yes, this is the right number; she is one of our patients here.
Boy- Really? WHY? What happened??? How is she???
Voice- Her room number is 646, in Building A, Suite 3.
Boy- WHAT HAPPENED?
Voice- Please come by sir and you can see her, goodbye.
Boy- WAIT! NO! *Dial tone*

BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM.646, BUILDING A, and SUITE 3. GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.

Boy- Oh my God, are you ok??
Girl- ..................
Boy- Sweetie!! Talk to me!!
Girl- I..........
Boy- You what?? YOU WHAT???
Girl- I have cancer and I'm on life support.
Boy-.....................*Breaks into tears*......................
Girl- They're taking me off tonight. 
Boy- Why??
Girl- I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t.
Boy- Why didn’t you tell me????
Girl- I didn’t want to hurt you.
Boy- You could never hurt me.
Girl- I just wanted to see if you felt about me as the same I felt bout you.
Boy-?
Girl- I love you more than anything, I would give you the world in a heartbeat. I would die for you and take a bullet for you.
Boy- ...........
Girl- Don’t be sad, I love you and I'll always be here with you.
Boy- Then why’d you break up with me?
Nurse- Young man, visiting hours are over.

BOY LEAVES, GIRL IS TAKEN OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DIES. 

But what the boy didn't know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time, and she only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks to live, and thought it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.

 

THE NEXT DAY

 The boy is found dead with a gun in his hand...with a note in the other...

 

THE NOTE SAID: 

I told her I would take a bullet for her.... just like she said she would die for me...