It's probably not the greatest thing for me to go on a completely public blogsite and spew all sorts of anecdotes about my feelings, but at this point with personal and family problems surmounting, I need somewhere to vent it out and I guess anyone who reads this will have the choice to listen lol

It's funny, I have a ton of stresses in my life: being a single father, trying to run a website into a full fledged career, family problems, personal issues...the like. But if you ever meet someone or talk to someone that makes you think that maybe, just maybe, dealing with all the pain, frustration and heartache was worth it because it led to THIS moment, it's about the most beautiful thing you can feel. Second to seeing my son for the first time, but damn, that can never be topped lol.

About two months ago, this feeling came to me. And after years of thinking that I knew what love, respect, warmth and a complete ease of being true to oneself, I was slapped in the face by realizing how wrongI was. And it was after a 3 1/2 hour long conversation I had with a woman from Texas that I finally felt acceptance, comfort and a true connection to.

Her name is Courtney (she actually hates being called that lol), and I met her actually on this very site. It was pretty simple and innocent how we met. I looked at her blog, responded to it and then we exchanged our information over Yahoo. Then, we really hit it off. It wasn't soon when we exchanged numbers and starting talking when we both realized there's something between us that we can't hide.

Since then, there has been laughs, tears, deep thoughts, disagreements, theological debates, debates on who's opinion is right on gaming (hint: I'm never right lol) and many other things that make us end up spending more than 4 hours a night on the phone. Every minute I talk to her I just become happier and happier.

There's a slight snag to all of this: We are in a long distance relationship. She's in Texas, I'm in Jersey. And with that comes complications. I have to admit, when people used to tell me how they would do these types of relationships, I used to say they are crazy. But, after meeting CC I can't think of any other woman but her and that she's the one I want to be with.

She makes me into a different person at times. Most of the time, I'm witty, sharp and am quick with one-liners, jokes and telling people how I truly feel about things.With her, I'm mushy, tongue-tied, slack-jawed and in complete awe. Whereas I would say whatever is on my mind with no recourse, I hesitate to say even the simpliest of sentences because I value her opinion and respect that much. Also, I'm always afraid of saying something stupid (which, technically, I do all the time lol)

Which makes it all the more frustrating when we fight...especially when its about things I do. I used to pride myself in being a sensitive, caring person that could understand anyone....yet with her, I become befuddled, confused and at times frustrated by some of the stupid things I end up doing. Maybe it's because my guard is down...or maybe it's because I found someone who is completely unlike anyone I've ever met.

And she is actually. She's unlike any person I've ever met, male or female. She can match wits and articulate to a point that can put me into shame. She's fiercly intelligent and can handily outsmart me if she wanted to.

And she respects me for who I am. She doesn't wish I wasn't one way or hopes that I'll change in this way, she completely likes everything, and as I do with her.

I guess this rambling post is just that: A ramble. But I can't help but feel completely lucky and completely fulfilled to know that I have this amazing person in my life and it may very well have changed me forever.

Thank you CC, you're the best.