Oh, I get that a lot. I wish I was in the Kingdom Hearts world, Hyrule, Dragon Quest, and Mushroom kingdom. But I can't dwell on it cuz it will eventually drive me mad. The closest way to be in those worlds is to keep on reading and playing. That's how I keep my self at bay.

You sound like me. Exactly what I would like to say in words except the reading books part. Sometimes, I too wonder about my existance. People will tell me because of god and such, but that falls on death ears for me. I hate people who live their life by a accursed book known as the bible. My religion is Atheist. Reason is because when I look at the world around me, all the pain, suffering, racism, and war is the cause of one thing, the bible. If the bible didn't existed, slavery would have not happen as it got people to believe they are superior to another race. I believe in facts and reality, not a book that is more of a opinion and a fantasy. There is so many flaws in the Bible that I will not go by it. And if God do exist, I could careless about him. Whhen people go around saying that god is good for them, it sickens me. How is god good to you when you are the one in pain and suffering? In my opinion, god is no different from any stanger in the street. People yell his name when a slight good come to them, but if he really cared about them, they would never be in a tight situation in the first place. But enough about that. Again I also wish I could live in a different world like Zelda or Final Fantasy VII. At least in those worlds, everyone has a chance to become something, become strong, can rely on a sword and not just a gun, something that requires alot more skill to weild and not something that can take a life in a heart beat. If I were to die, I would whether die by age or by someone who is better skilled at a close range weapon than me. In a world where I can relax and not worry about a whole lot of things like how todays society runs. And I really would love to be in a place where there is no highly religious folks are around so I know nothing bad will happen like war or slavery. This would be place I would whether live instead of this "Hell" I live in now. And when I think why I existed, I feel that my body is nothing more than a obstacle taking up space. It can do anything good or bad. but when I think of it this way, it nearly takes away all the fear of dieing away. With this one life, I plan....or hope to live it out the fullest, whether it's alone, or with someone. And most likely, from how things going now, probably alone....

ok thanks u 2. I just wanted to make sure i wasnt crazy. i was in a bad mood when i wrote this blog. and i am just tired of yeah know. just school and people. and tocool i totally agree about the bible. and im also Atheist, my parents are agnostic. and my brother is kind of christan. And im alone too, but then not completely. like i have plenty of friends and family, but still i feel alone in a weird way.

I have no friends. I lost the will to talk to anyone any more. I've been this way for the passed 2 years. When I had friends, they seemed to try their best to ruin my life. My family and friends are the sole reason why I hate everything in life right now. All I want to do is get out of high school and get to college where I can try and start a new life without my parent and family in general. I've had it with them. My sister does not listen when people try to talk to her. My father is the same, trying to force me to love my "Stepmom" when he knows I don't like her one bit. My mom is far to religious to me and I'm really afraid to speak my mind about that issue because I know they will call me satans child when I try to talk some common sense to them. My dad calls himself wise, even wiser than me at my age. Yet, if this is true, why does he not give know anything about society's problems? I've got quite a racist dad blaming everything on the white man when something goes wrong in society. Yet, he doesn't give thought about how big of a role religions play in our society.......

Look at me. I'm just going and going and going. I guess it may be because I found someone thats almost similar to me....

Whoah. Thats the thing. I dont think i could not talk to my friends. There like idk. they're my "happy pills" I guess u could say. haha. But i totally hear you. Me too. I cant wait for college, being able to meet new people, i mean u basically meet someone new everday. and every year new people come and transfer and stuff, so if u dont like someone, theres someone else to meet. And since theres so many people they'll have different aspects of religion and such. i think there are more accepting people now-a-days, or more open-minded. at least more than there used to be. i have a friend sarah kinda in your situation. kinda. she is very uptight though, and doesnt believe in what her parents believe, her dad is like christan and wants her to do what she wants, but her mom is very catholic. I love her mom, but to sarah not so much. Sarah is going to her confrimation thing soon, and she has to commit to the world of her mothers when she truely doesnt want to. But if sarah refuses/denies it when the priest asks if she is ready, her mother and mother's family will shun her forever. so theres nothing she can do. but i listen to her, and if i was her i just wouldnt be able to do it, im too independent for that. My parents let me believe what i choose too, i suppose im lucky. I told my parents years about that, if either of them had got remarried i would treat them like dirt, and call them like instead of Bob, or dad i would call him by his last name Hell Mr. Parker(example). But they wont get a divorce even though they have alot...of problems, their marriage anyway. Sometimes i hate my mom, like i always love her, but i can hate her too. GRR. My dad is pretty laid back, and always lets my mom have her way, even when shes a total idiot, because he knows hes going to be with her forever....-sigh-
people. I got off subject. sorry haha.
And u can TOTALLY talk to me any time about most anything. I like getiing my opinon out there, and hearing other peoples views, most people only go one way, but if people heard every side, they could decide what they really want.

Well, even if new kids do come to my school, it wouldn't matter, because people around them will change them. I hate to say this, but in Black-american communities, people are run by peer pressure and want to fit in. Me? I don't try to fit in, but I learn to try to "co-exist" with everyone without having to stand out too much. I have to walk around like I'm angry at the world when I go to school to prevent people from talking to me. When I was in elementary school, I got into to many unnecessary fights. For one example, a kid who seems about 2 grades lower than me when I was in 5th grade accused me of calling his mother a "bit**". Now I don't even know him. Never talked or seen him in a day of my life until that day since we are not in the same grade level. I tried reasoning with the kid, telling him he doesn't even know me, nor do I know his mother. But he wouldn't listen. He kept trying to start a fight with me even though we do't even know each other. So one day, we actually did get into a fight. only, I got jump on by a group of little boys that was in his class. I won't deny. I did get beat up in that fight because it was 5 on 1. And considering we were just about the same height, there was simply no way I could win a fight against those odds. After that day, I slowly begin hating alot of things. but I did had alot of friends though in my elementary school. It was the funnest years of my life. But once I got into high school. alot of things change. Peopole around me change. I begin seeing things on a different level. My old friends who seem like they were going to go somewhere in life begin doing dumb things like getting pregnant. Dropping out of school to sell drugs. Joining gangs. Doing drugs themselves. I didn't want to have anything to do with them. But the school I go to now is a school where all the dumb kids, the kids that played around during there elementary school years, go to. I wasn't dumb, but the reason I'm in the school is because I did some dumb things during my elementary school years trying to hang with the crowd. I ditched school with my friends and got caught by the school. Then the school kept calling my house until it reached my dad. It took them a month, but they got through. within this month, I stopped going to school. Yep, I ditch a whole month of school because I was trying to avoid getting caught, when I knew I was going to sooner or later. It clanged to my record until I had to choose what hihg school I wanted to go to. I had no choice on what high school I wanted to go to. Only Marshall, the shcool I attend now, would accept me. People in that school are not the kind of people I grew up with. Even though people in that school wanted me to change, I didn't. I remained the same person I am today, only I change my perspective on everyone around me. I stopped talking seeing as it's the only way people would leave me alone. So I've begin observing people instead. I've seen how stupid people are and how to avoid what they go through. What actions they take we type of consequences they receive. I do talk sometimes in school when some students ask me to help them with there work or when teacher ask me to read, but I don't try to make friends. I've been through fights that also had a few things to do with my so called "friends" during elementary school years. People like to spread rumors that sometime result into fights. And thats exactly happened to me a couple of times until I got fed up. And as for your friend. I wouldn't change who I am even if someone put a gun to my head......okay maybe I would for a short time. But if her family would shun her for what she believes in, then she don't need them. She just endure them for a bit longer until shes able to move away. But really, to me, being baptized isn't no different that going to the washroom and sitting in the tub. Water is water so getting baptized in a church really doesn't mean much. Anyone can do it and stay the same, use whatever believes they want, and fake as if they are one of them. Only no one isn't going to force me to be something I'm not, regardless of how they feel....

I'm so sorry. That's terrible. I couldnt even. People. Where there different types of people at your school? because at my high school we have all white people(not being racist at all here either), 2 hispanics, umm like 5 african americans, 2 from india...and a few foreign exchange students that come and go. but theres usually only like 6 or 7 of them. We have like 600 students total. 9-12. We dont have much culture at our school, and ive nvr seen an acutal fight between guys. well actually once, on the bus, between my cuz and another younger kid, but it only lasted like 2 minutes. There have been a few cat fights, but there always over some guy. our school is slut-filled, also emos, druggies, like 80% preps, bandpeople, and mixed(like me!). its weird we dont have like specific clicks like other people. Like most people are friends with other people in different groups. over all our school is like completely like "hey u like soccer?Me too! lets go hang. Ok!" weird, i know. but i think thats why we dont have many fights. And we dont have like...any loners. like at all. And usually if there is, someone picks them up, and takes them to there friends. Which is why ur story is like unfimliar to me, well not unfimliar just IT blows. im sorry. i just hope that someday u become happy. maybe u should go out to your favorite food place, get some stuff to go, grab your favorite movie and watch it and eat your favorite food and if not your favorite regular movie, then ur favorite disney movie, like the lion king, or tarzan or something. u need a perk up.

my friend sarah came to me crying telling me about how her mother was upset and crying talking to her last night, saying that sarah doesnt want to do the confrimation to get back at her mother or something, and how everything is always about sarah. its her freakin' life and confrimation. its comming up soon and i wish i could change it for her. I asked her if when shes older if she is aloud to take back her confrimation, and she doesnt know. she said her mother "says" shes giving sarah a choice, but really leading her into a dead end....and i guess the fact that sarahs mom is the librarian at our school DOESNT help at all, so sarah can nvr really get away from her. all i can do is hug her. i hugged her like 10 times today. i like hugs. hugs make people feel better and happier.

*virtual hug!*

again im sorry about what u had/have to go through. not a happy thing

I wish I can go to your school. 98% of my school is Blacks. And I don't care about my race of people, I can't stand them. Specifically, black christians who insult other races as a whole. They feel if one white person is bad, that means all white people are bad. What I find ironic about these so call black Christians is they would go around saying that their god would send alot of white folks to hell, yet, they warship the same god that White People did back in slavery days. Back when White Christians were led to believe that they were supposed to be superior to other races by the bible. I really can't stand anybody that don't want to listen like 85% of the kids at my school do. I don't get why everyone always have to feel like they're right all the time, then when they see the outcome of what they did, they act like no one is hurt and nothing ever happen. When their wrong, they feel as the need to try to shut the person up and start ignoring them. This is what I have to go through at my school. People who don't listen and always feel they are always right regardless of if their wrong. Which is why fights happen. I've seen someone actualy get stab at my school. I've seen about 20 to 30 fights since I've been at my school. And my school house been on the news a few times for people getting shot at and killed. I hope no one take this the wrong way, but I prefer to be around White people than my own black people. I hate stress. I hate arguing with other people all the time. I hate spending $70 for some shoes that cost $15 to make because people would talk about you if you wear anything lower than $50 so I can never have money to save up for better things in life. At least around white people where I live at, it doesn't seem like I don't need to wear anything big name to get through life. But I can say I did earn one thing out of this. And thats a brick wall for emotions. I've never cried when I family member died for some reason. The only time I cry is after I'm done fighting some one for some reason. My bofy isn't hurting, yet, I start crying.....

And as for Sarah, she can always change her lifestyle. Just move away from her mother and never look back. At least, thats what I would do.. Or she can change when she move away. Her parents won't know the difference once she moves away. And if in the future they ask her what she is, all she got to do is tell them she change to whatever religous name she wants to be. If her parent won't accept it, then it's their problem and not hers since she life in a different place from them. No one should try to become something their not or don't want to be regardless of the consequences. She has a path that she wants to take, then she should take before it's too late and she regrets it.....

You 2 type a lot. @_@ *gets dizzy*

Ah, when you got time and type up to 20 to 30 words per minutes, I tend to type that much...

Haha. u want to hear something REALLY WEIRD? ok so when i was like 10 or 11 i watched a movie about a black girl in slavery, i wish i remembered what the movie was called. and stuff about the underground rail road to bring black slaves to a better place and such. i use to be at my school in the play ground and when we would play house or whatever i would always want to be the black girl who saved everyone from the slavery. i used to ask my mom why i was white and that i wish i could be black to be able to help them. that might sound so silly, and i realize now that i dont have to be black to help others, but i was like 10. hah. I also hate it. when different colors of ppl think they know someone by their color. But u know what. it will nvr go away. and again it is how people are raised. If u are raised to hate something, or not believe in something, then thats what u will think most of your life. its like, you dont decide how u act(or react), or how u think. your parents do. So im thankful that my parents let me think what i want to think. This might sound bad. but it might be good for some of those ppl at your school to see what is happening to other people. and maybe ppl who sees it, will realize that they should be more open-minded and such, so that they can show/teach other people, and their childern which is a better way to think. i dont mean better way, just you know. how do i say it. just. to hopefully not hurt people's feeings/body by the difference of any kind.

And sarah will be fine. she is going to go through it and when she is older she will make a choice to change if she feels its best.

And haha Zero. Its like no one else is in here to talk on our interesting...um. opinons on these subjects.
*gets chair for the dizzy person*

Happy EAster u guys!

OH!. and everyone in my town buys like abericombie&fitch and american eagel and place like that. DRIVES ME NUTS! u know what? my boobs cant fit into the stupid shirts. and the shirts are not even that cute. why would i pay like $30 for a tiny tank-top. and like $55 for jeans. I dont think so! my parents dont want to have to pay for that kinda stuff, and neither do i. i will be getting a job soon. but im not going to waste my money on stuff just to make other people in my school just to look my way and think "cool. shes wearing what im wearing. thats sick dude." Nope.

That's exactly how I was when I was in high school. I wore what I liked. There was nothing trendy about me. I was random with my clothes. I had friends so there was no need to fit in certain groups.

Well, there is one thing I do contest about your other post. I was born into believing that God is a supreme ruler full of good and nothing of Evil. I'm supposed to give him my mind and body if he ask for it. Jesus is also my savior and I should ask for his forgiveness even if I haven't done anything to him. But I've changed. I guess I begin thinking of alot of things, reading alot of articles, and realizing why I shouldn't believe what I'm always told. People think heaven will be the best place to go after death, but in my opinion, it will be no different from what this world is. Human, even after death, will always have emotions. These emotions can spawn racism, hatred, and jealousy. Regardless if you go to hell or heaven, it seems to be the same product to me. Which is one reason I don't care what happens to me when/if I die. I'm basically returning right back to this madness of a place I call Earth. And the Movie, or the person your talking about, is Harriet Tubman. I don't know if thats the name of the movie though. I only wish people would stop thinking of one race as a whole is bad or good. This kind of thinking will surely be the downfall of this world....

I think the girls over here in Chicago would where the shirtss regardless. It's like they don't care people can see right into their shirt and see their boobs flat out. My sister is always trying to keep up with everyone. She screams and holla that shes broke all the time, but she seems to have the money to buy $70-$100 shoes every week. I can't see how someone would pay $80 just to get their nails did like she does. But I'm sure you will by something to impress everyone at your school. I don't know why, but alot of girls say they don't want to impress nobody, but end up buying something impressive anyways....

I don't try to fit in into any group. The only people I decide to even talk to is people online and a few of my cousins. I've grown tired of immature people. Sometimes, I wish I could just fall asleep in my mind for a year and let someone else like a split personality take over my body so I don't have to live through a tough year.....

My one friend as become too mature. He's my age (23) and he's getting married and already has a child. And I know he planned this from the start. Yeah, I'm waiting until later to get and start a family. I still want to enjoy my youth.

Zero--haha ur old! jk jk. same here though. i have clothes from like all different stores. my friends say my look is spunky. like sporty yet still a little girlish? idk.

tocool-yeah. i havnt heard of harriet in 4ever which is why i forgot her name. and "God" shouldnt tell me what my life is meant to be, what to become and how to live it. i mean free will right? i do believe in faith and possibly destiny in some situations, but i want to control my own life, not being told what to do by god. and if i make a mistake in life, then i fix it, and if not, then nxt time ill just do better. i shouldnt have to say sorry for something that was an accident. even on purpose, crap happens ya know? im not trying to sound like im yelling, im jsut strongly opinonated on this subject.
how old is ur sister? lol. she sounds like a typical girl at my school. i dont see why girls are always wanted to be popular, or fit in. i mean if u hang out with people u like and urself around them and enjoy being with them/being happy, then who cares what other ppl think. i mean u wont be with most of the ppl in high school when u graduate anyway.
and LOL. if only if only. although for me, school is like flying by me. its like at the end of the day. that i was watching me in the classes.it goes by way too quickly. i mean im going to be a junior nxt yr! geez.

Zero again- i agree. my parents said that at 25. its like ur last year to seriously be well not like a teen, but before everything like. like last year to not partying, but just feeling like super young and still feel full of energy.
i hope to go skydiving be4 im 26.because by after then i will hopefully, around 27 i get a husband and have children. After college of course.

what are ur guy's life goals?

I want to be married before I reach age 30 too. My goals are all jumbled up. I can't decide what I want to do.

cool.
u can have more than one.
i have 2 like MAIN goals.
1. To save a life
2.(You DONT wanna know)

Now that I think about it, your friend sarahs mom reminds me so much of my mom. I remember asking her one day, if she is the only one that can save my life from a brutal, yet slow death, what would she choose. Would she, A: Save me by just making that one choice, or B: If god was there and he says come with him, and she chooses to go with him, it will seal my fate in a horrible death. It hurted me that she chose B. She said obviously, god had better plans for me and her which is why she would make that decision. I asked her this about 3 years ago. But when I think of her decision, it kind of made me angry. She would choose someone who she has never met, never seen, and that person really never did much for her in life, over me. She tried to take me to get baptized, but when we were at church, I told her no. So instead, my step sister took my place in getting baptized. But my mom accepted and didn't make a huge deal out of it. I'm glad she didn't, because like how sarahs mom says she will shut her out of her life, I would have done the same to my mom at the time....

My goals in life? First things first, I got to get out of high school. After that, I plan on getting a year or two of college before I move away from my parents a start a whole new life. I hate to say this, but I don't want to ever see my family again. I plan on disappearing from them and not look back. If they do see me again, it would be on a rare occasion of them hunting me down. Once I move though, I plan on getting a Bachelors degree and look for a career in making games and/or fixing computers. I'm sure along the way I may find a woman who interests me and settle down. Or I will be a swinger until then. Thats at least what I want to do....

I want to hear about number 2.....

Oh wow. i would go cry in a corner if my said that. lol. she might have said that when she is drunk though...eh who knows. well at least she accepted that u with ur decsion.

that is interesting that u would nvr want to see them again. i couldnt do that. well execpt not seeing my brother....lol. i dont like him very much. doing computers sounds cool, and alot of work. my ideal job is to be a pediactric oncalogist, or some other kind of doctor. But i think i might end up being a world history teacher or being a chef would be nice. I want like 3 to 5 kids. Yup yup.

uhhh its kinda like embrassing...and my friends say its impossible but i SHall make it happen..

My family is part of the reason why I don't say much anymore. If you make one little mistake, they act like it can't be fixed or it's the end of the world. I can't have people hindering me like that making it difficult for me to try and recover. My family also has the tendency to keep bringing up things thats in the past like they just don't care what it does to the persons emotions. So, if I had people in my life like my family, I'd probably be even more miserable then I am now. I can't see myself ever being happy when there around so I would question myself, why keep something that seems to makes me angry all time around when I could avoid it altogether? This is the reason why I'd prefer to just disappear from them and start a new life. Because at least I know I won't be disappointing anyone if I happen to make a mistake....