Call me a little dramatic but I have to say it's amazing. Just amazing. Amazing to be back, amazing to have so much to say, and amazing how much has changed personally. I'll admit I put this off for a few days. I've got my new PC up and running but it's just been so long. I felt afraid to return and specifically to return empty handed. I come back from a long absence with little to show for it. And yet still it just feels nice to know that yes I am back, no I can't promise the activity I once had, and finally yes I can say that some majority of the promises I made before I left are sill lingering in my head if not being put to action. I haven't completely forgotten this place. I don't think I ever will.

And yet little has changed to be quite honest. My 166 PMs are still 90% union invites and "letz invite more people to level up teh unionz" request. Which is sad. A part of me hoped GameSpot matured while I was away. And it seems it hasn't for better or worse.

Personally so much has changed. My life, my perspective, my hopes and dreams aren't the same. I still write, I still read, and yes still striving for that game designer position that continues to nag me with its annoying brillance everyday.

I suppose I may sound as if I'm getting carried away. It's just a forum right? I guess. But it's also a community. The GameSpot community has done alot for me and to me. But it's just a forum right? I guess. But the community has really hit me in the head with a brick. In the days when GS was a bit more mature and a bit more respectful (yeah believe it or not) and when ignorance simply wasn't tolerated I was forced to either do away with my limited mind set or leave. Simple as that. But still it's just a forum right? I guess. But somewhere on the other end. Past the witty screen name, spelling errors, and funny avatars there is a person. An all too real person. And there is communication, and there is friction, and there is something building between two human beings. Be it negative or possitive. So yeah. It is just a forum. But if you're fortunate to hang with the crowd of people I did you'd realize beneath this deceiving forum-ish look and feel lies a real community. With real people. And (gasp) real emotion. Beyond the HTML opinions, theories, and concepts are put to the test.

So I am, once again, back. Will I be back for good? Will I be as active as I once was? Are my ambitions the same? And do I realize what I'm getting myself into by once again taking up the name DarkPassion? I really can't answer any of those questions. I really can't say anybody cares. But it feels good to be back. God it feels good to be back.

New profile theme next week!!! New sig, banner, avatar, the works.

Very pumped because this is actually a very nice twist looking back at what I did for the summer. Summer I did a black and white goth look. This time that's all been wipped away. Want an example? Well the series is called Colors so, duh! Plus I have a very special little something for everybody in the form of a very fun game we can all play. So...very...PUMPED! This is the one time when I can finally just bust out and let the experimental juices flow. Oh those sexy vibes.

So yeah you may not share the enthusiasm but this season I want to spread the love. So I know I've been abscent but keep an eye out. And remember think Colors.

I'm known here in the real world for 3 things: (1) I'm a hell of an artist, (2) I see the world through a very different light, and (3) I push myself to adapt, evolve, and constantly strive to be better. And to do better for the things and the people around me. It's a gift and a curse. I've come to speak on the latter.

I love this community and more importantly the people in it. I even find joy in the people I extremely dislike (everytime you say hate a kitten dies) in the community. And everyday I'm loving it more and more. The initial reason I took such a fondness for this place was because it challenged me. When I stepped foot on this digital terrain 3 years ago I was challenged with looking past my fanboy-ish ways and growing to become a wise and imaginitive gamer. Not the wise cracking, fanboy, jackass I was when I arrived. Three years later I see my goal as being one that I will never reach. Not to the fullest of extent at least. But it's always when they say never that forces me to push on. So I push on. I read every article, I read every post, I research every title, I go far and beyond what is required for the average intelligent forumite. And for a while I felt I was pushing my gamer self to the extreme. Where once there was a "Gamer-half" there is now a "Gamer". Where once there was creativity there is now imagination.

But I find myself yawning at forum parties. And I find myself celebrating less and less over a victorious debate. And I find myself feeling less "know-it-all" like whenever I predict another fanboys move. I find myself yearning for the challenge I once held so dear. My beloved GameSpot is no longer the place for 1337 skillz to grow. It has instead become a home. Not a vacation. The honeymoon is over.

So now what? Well (news flash) GameSpot is becoming repetious . Post here, report there. Anyone who has been to the Nintendo Wii boards can tell you the twisted tales of a twisted staleness that GameSpot reeks of. Almost to a fault. And it isn't GameSpots fault. And it isn't that of the members. It's nobodies fault really. You can only expect so much from a forum. But GameSpot was always different. Here you need brains to back up your words. Here it'll take more than a smart ass spammer to earn respect and the friendship of your fellow peers. Which is what GameSpot has, in a way, been reduced too. A popularity contest.

And yet with all this going on there are certainly challenges to be tackled. My dream of being a mod and attempting to bring some fresh air into the GameSpot atmosphere thrives on. I try to befriend the mods/adminsm I try to hang out with the "cool kids," the ones that set up all the contest and awesome unions you see everyone talk about. I try to meet up with the people who will give me the oppurtunities, the tools, and the trustworthiness to take on the big jobs I know I'm capable of. I'm no noob. I'm a 4 year GameSpot vet and a 3 year community member. So where the hell is my award? Where the hell is my shot? When the crap will I get the chance to push myself again? Where is the glorius GameSpot I once knew that thrived and buzzed with latest and greatest? Is it gone? No. But I have yet to find it again.

So for now I am patient and always going straight to the top. Straight to the hardest of the hard and the biggest of the big. The one that will give me writers cramp. The one that will keep me on Photoshop until 3:00 AM. And I'm working on some great things with some of the best people on GameSpot. Who are they? You've never heard of them. But perhaps that makes my small town reputation, my nowherevilles challenges all the more important. Because while GameSpot and mods are quick to the draw on places like Headcrab Union and Off-Topic Discussion I suppose we need someone with a small town rep.

And so as I sign off I hope people won't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying I'm the best or that I should be in lights. I merely thirst for a challenge. And perhaps that thirst will be satisfied. Or maybe it's best if it isn't at all.

And as the chaos slowly consumes my life, and the staleness of GameSpots years wheens on my nerves, I will always be here. Waiting, hoping, and trying to do the best for GameSpot in a spot where I can only do so much.

And so to GameSpot I say this: Challenge me. I dare you.