I don't know what to do about it anymore. I still have a crush on my RA but there is a rule that it's not permitted for RA's to date anybody in their dorm. It really sucks. I really like her but I don't think she's going to compromise for that rule. Why? Honestly, I look at all the bad things that have happened to me and they're piling up.

College sucks. I really don't want to be here anymore. My roommates always leave on the weekend and I'm all alone. A lot of people leave for the weekends. My parents have 3 other kids to take care of. I can't just go home whenever I want. I just want to go home. I wasn't ready to be around stuff like this. I knew it right when I graduated high school. That will go down as the second worst day of my life (first was when I found out my Nan-Nan died). I knew it was going to make a big change in my life and I wasn't going to like it. Turns out I was right.

Anastasia's just the best thing that's happened to me since I've arrived here at Penn State: Altoona. She really does care about her students that's for sure. I've talked to her a little bit and she really is a good person. I wish I could get to know her a little bit better. If I ever do start a relationship, it's going to be based on love. I'm not in it for pleasure. I need that person there that's going to love me and my parents aren't here so I need to rely on that girlfriend that I want so bad. Does everyone understand what I'm talking about?

I can only hope for the best. Maybe things will change and we can start something near the end of the year and keep it over the summer. She may go to main campus next year but I can wait for her. I know I can. If that's what it takes, then I will wait for her. I just wish that things were different. I'd do anything for this girl (that's legal). I really do care about her and I think that this caring will grow each day as I'm here with her at Penn State: Altoona. I really hope that she will one day feel the same way about me.

Well, today, September 13, is my 700th day of being single. Hopefully work will take my mind off it. I hope they put me back in the kitchen. I'm tired of preparing food for people at the Pizza or Deli station and have couples teasing each other while I'm making them something. It pisses me off and I wish I could just throw the food in their faces when they do it. They don't understand how I feel. They need to keep their PDA at a 0 level.

College is no different than high school. Girls always go for the tall jocks that go out drinking every weekend. It's so insulting to me that women find that appealing. I'm one of the few people in this school that doesn't go out and drink. Sorry, underage drinking is wrong in every way, shape, and form and I worry everyday that one of my suitemates won't return from that party alive.

I'm so depressed. I have a crush on someone but I'm too afraid to ask her to do anything with me. I'm not going to do anything like a relationship yet. I just want to hang out with her. I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do about it.

Well, I guess I'll just go about my day and then see if I can go another freaking 100 more without some girl in my life!!!

Well, yesterday I graduated from high school. It was a nice ceremony and the solo I sang was excellent. I got a lot of comments from people about it. It was a nice way to go out. So many people in my choir were sad to see me go. I will miss them dearly.

I have mixed feelings about it. Everybody probably does. I'm ready for a new experience at Penn State: Altoona. But I'm going to miss my friends so much. It's going to be hard to go through college without them. I told them to please stay in touch. They promised they would.

My one friend, Emily, told me everything would be okay and to trust God. I will take her advice. It's something I'm going to need if I want to be successful. I have faith I will see her again and I know that I will make new friends at Penn State: Altoona.