Viagra Joke Woman: Can I get Viagra here?
Pharmacist: Yes.
Woman: Can I get it over the counter?
Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can ______________________________________________________________ It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died.
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”
St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.
He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.
“Tell me about the day you died?”, he said to the third man in line.
“OK, picture this, I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….” ______________________________________________________________________________ This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride’s name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they’re on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay.
One night, in the men’s room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal. To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis “Excuse me,” he says, “but I couldn’t help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?” “No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, “Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.’” ______________________________________________________________________________ Story of a Woman who just turned 47
When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend.When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn’t keep up with him. He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.
I am now 47 and am looking for a guy with a big dick. ______________________________________________________________________________
Thats all I got for this week hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. -Crim
