Here's an excerpt from a book I figured would be worth sharing.

People demand apologies for practically everything these days. Apologies don't cost money, and they make people happy, so you'd think weasels would be handing them out like candy. My policy is that I'll apologize for anything bad that has happened to anyone, including in prehistoric times, parallel universes, hallucinations, acts of nature—you name it. In fact, while I'm thinking about it, I apologize to you for this book.

My only exception to the universal apology rule is those situations where I offend people on behalf of other people. For example, if I do a biting comic about, say, circus clowns, I will get a barrage of e-mail complaining about my unfair stereotyping of clowns. But none of the mail will be from the clowns themselves. Instead, the angry letters will come from people who are incensed that I insulted clowns who have done nothing to warrant the unfair attacks. They will invariably say something like "You wouldn't dare say something cruel about [insert name of any oppressed minority group], so what makes you think it's okay to insult clowns?"

If I'm pressed against the wall, I will resort to a weasel apology. A weasel apology sounds like a regular apology but without taking any of the blame. For example, I might say to the-person who is mad about my treatment of clowns, "I'm sorry that you feel that way."

It's true, I'm genuinely sorry that anyone feels like a frickin' nut. Notice that I'm not apologizing for what I did, I'm only expressing my heartfelt sympathy for nuts. Yet it looks like an apology if you read it quickly, especially if you're expecting a real apology. Feel free to borrow this method.

Here's a report of a weasel who successfully used this technique:

Dear Mr. Adams,

A coworker filed a grievance against a supervisor because of sexist remarks and obscenities he'd shouted while criticizing her work. The coworker was waiting on customers at the time and they overheard the tirade. I witnessed the exchange so I became her support person at the grievance hearing. Management's solution was this: the supervisor had to apologize to the employee.

His apology was "I'm sorry that you made me lose my temper."

When my coworker questioned the wording of the apology, management told her that it would have to suffice unless she wanted to be "petty" and take the issue to arbitration.

Source: Adams, S. (2002, 226-22. Dilbert and the way of the weasel. New York: HarperCollins.