I'm a morbid jerk, so when I first saw the trailer for this movie months ago, I thought it looked AWESOME! Then about a week ago when I finally saw the commercial for it on tv, I was convinced it was going to be BAD for two reasons:
1) It's a PG-13 rated horror movie. After all these months I had apparently assumed it was rated R.
2) It's tagged as the movie brought to you by "The Co-Writer of The Dark Knight (David S. Goyer)." You're gonna mooch off TDK with THIS?!? Jackass.
The concept is somewhat interesting: a girl named Casey is basically fighting off a spirit that wants to possess/kill her. During all of this she finds out she had a twin brother who died in the womb, and "He wants to be born!" Every aspect of this movie is poorly executed. There's nothing to say about the acting, except for I nearly cried when I saw Gary Oldman's mustache was missing. HE WILL ALWAY BE COMMISHUUUUNERRR GORDON IN MY HEART, so the plot I came up with in my head was that Commissioner Gordon retired, left Gotham City, and became a Rabbi. It's the only way I could keep interest.
There was a stretch of about thirty minutes where I was thoroughly bored. There was incredibly way too much time spent following Casey around, talking about the demon, her past, and her freaking out because it wants to kill her. Here's an idea for The Unborn 2: Less talk, More Exorcism. Yet even with Commissioner Gordon, the exorcism was anticlimactic. The ending was random and vomit-inducing.
The biggest travesty of course were the deaths. You know, when I watch a horror film it's because I want to see people screaming for their lives as they're being dismembered. I'm so disappointed in the way Meagan Good's character was treated. She is beyond fine, and deserved a more beautiful, brutal death than what she received. Heck, everyone that died in the movie had lame deaths. David Goyer, you should be ashamed of yourself.
The Unborn isn't scary. The only thing I was scared of was that I might've had to get in a fight with the people sitting around us in the theater because Chloë and I kept laughing loudly at everything. There were many unintentionally funny moments (which I'll detail in a bit). Chloë said I should give this movie a HIGH rating, but I simply can't. As a matter of fact, because of this movie I've had to add an additional rating system to measure its "laugh out loud" factor. Never has excitement turned into disappointment so quickly for a movie.
RATING: 3.5 out of 10
The LoLz Factor: 6 out of 10. Welcome to the "LoLz Factor," which is basically determined by how much the movie made me...laugh out loud. The Unborn was very bad. However, I can admit it was quite funny even though it wasn't supposed to be. Possessed fetuses? Granny getting the high, hard one (NOT in the good way)? Commissioner Gordon performing a Jewish Exorcism? There were many nuggets of laughter, but not enough for my taste. I would've loved to watch the demon try to get his breastfeed on instead of trying to climb into Casey's tummy. And the dog wearing the mask should've been in the movie more often!
