I decided I was slacking in the kitchen.  With hubby gone all the time and not getting home until late, he eats on the road, and I normally fix crap like chicken nuggets for dinner. 

But I'm a good cook, and I was missing showing off my kitchen excellence, so I put it into high gear today, and was determined I was gonna cook something good!

The day starts off with a grocery list a mile long.  I high tail it to town, grab the grub stuffs that I need and zoom on down the road to get home and start hopping. 

About a quarter of the way home, the tranny starts slippin in my car.  Hmmm, that's weird.  I'll have to get hubby to check out the fluid.  So I look down at my gages to make sure there's no warning lights on, and I notice that my gas gage says I have half a tank.  Weird.  I just filled up like ten miles ago.  Crap, I bet I got some kinda leak going on.  Next thing I know, friggin AC dies.  WTF?  It's 100 degrees outside and now I'm smouldering, I gotta open the windows.  No can do.  Freakin electronic windows won't work.  At this point, I'm hot and mad and trying to get hubby from my cell phone (which doesn't work cuz I'm in the middle of nowhere), to tell him my ass is gettin a new car. 

More tranny slippage, another look at the gages and I see my tack isn't working.  To my untrained mechanical eye (who hasn't even bothered to look at anything or even stop the car), I'm figuring I have some major computer malfunction.  The radio dies.  The car putters out.  I gun the accelerator, and it sputters back to life.  But only for another two miles or so.  Eventually, the car completely dies, I barely have brakes and the power steering goes. 

I get rescued.  The guy tells me it's my alternator.  Whatever that is.  He gives me a jump to get some juice to my battery, tells me to put down the windows, turn everything off, no radio, no ac, no blinkers, nada.  He follows me home.  Thankfully everyone knows everyone, so it's not like some serial killer now has my address or anything. 

I unload the groceries, talk to the hubby (who already knows whats goin on because my hero already called him and has ordered a new alternator).  I load the kid into hubby's truck and go up the road a couple of miles to a crab house to get the crabmeat I need for my yummy kitchen cuisine.  I go in, get my stuff, talk to the lady who owns it and leave to take the meat home.  I get home and remember that I forgot to give the lady her check.  OOPS!!!  So I head back up there, give the check to this dude that works for her and start leaving.

The woman is running after me, chasing me down.  Why is she running, shouldn't she be working?  OOOOOH, I'm an idiot, she wants ME!  So I stop to talk to her and now all of a sudden she's having a problem with some of her workers, they were about to throw down!  She didn't speak Spanish and they didn't speak English, so it was SuperFots to the rescue!

I put on my serious face and busted out in some Spanish, yelling at everyone for fighting at work.  Six Mexican ladies all started blabbering at me at once in some hyperforce rapid espanol.  An hour later, I had scared the bejeezus out of all of them and told them that if they couldn't get along they were all gonna be adios, cuz the boss lady wasn't having none of it.  Of course, I was only saying what boss lady was telling me to say, so please, no comments about how much of a buttinsky b!tch I was being. 

Ok, back on the road, for my second trip to town.  I'm rollin about 80, way behind schedule.  Nothing will get in my way, I am determined to make a delicious meal for my family!!  I am unstoppable!

A record breaking one hour and ten minutes later, I have been to the auto store and back home again.  Yes, a record.  It takes an hour and a half round trip under normal circumstances.  Any time you can cut twenty minutes off your trip and stop to pick up an alternator along the way, you're doing pretty dang good. 

I'm in the kitchen, I'm cutting and chopping.  The baby pulls a chair up to the fridge, and throws all the magnet letters into the floor.  I am undetered.  I continue stirring furiously, mixing and measuring.  The baby pulls out all my pots and pans and hides in the cabinet.  I ignore him.  He sees that I am ignoring him and goes for the gusto.  Trash bin is upside down. Drats, that little brat just trashed the place.  I cleaned it up, and next thing I know, baby has the cleaning supplies and is spraying everything with carpet cleaner (including himself).  Another mess to clean up.  Two hours later, I have produced a Maryland style Vegetable Beef Crabby soup, a Creamy Crab soup, and Hot Crab Dip.  All very yummy stuff. 

My next trick will be Pinapple Upside Down Cake, a specialty of mine that leaves my hubby drooling.  Except I have no eggs.  Twice to town and I come home with no eggs?  I am truly slipping.  So it's a trip to the local store (which doesn't have much but DOES have eggs). 

I have some special crabby deliveries to make while I'm gone.  Gotta feed my hero.  Without him I may have very well been stuck on the side of the road for days.  Ok, so that's not true, but I'm sure it would have felt like days. 

So it's Hasta la vista baby as I head out on my next eggs-capade!

Wow, no more energy drinks for me, I am way too hyper!