So here I am...totally stressed out on the eve of my great migration across the United States and the Pacific Ocean. Will my voyage end happily ever after or am I destined for failure and depression? Only time will tell.

To those unfamiliar with my situation, I have a girlfriend in Japan (she's Japanese of course). I met her when I was living in Nagasaki after I graduated high school in Portland, Oregon. It's been 3.5 long years since we met and 3 since I returned to the U.S. for visa related issues (I didn't have one; not the credit card. ). Anyway, I've been traveling back and forth between Cleveland and Hamamatsu since then (she came here for 2 months in '06) and neither of us can get a visa for the other country unless we finished school or are married. I am still 2 years out from finishing college and she stopped after 2 years...so that wasn't working.

This summer when I was over there for a few months, I propsed without a ring (a sort of spur of the moment thing) and she enthusiastically said yes. When I got back to the U.S. we started planning and looking for apartments, etc, but a number of events (including the present distance) acted to help her lose faith in herself and our chances in general. Her passion is salsa, and she's had some issues with her foot over the last half a year. I am still unsure of what the situation really is, but I know the doctors told her not to wear heels when she dances...anyway the pain in her foot and lack of dance time has been really depressing for her...and her parents' recent divorce has been even more stressful for her and the family.

As a result we've lost touch a bit...Her depression has led to my own and we have been stuck in a rut for months. And then a few days before Christmas, her mom and sister called me and told me the only way I can try and fix anything is to just go there. It is really the only option (other than breaking up) and so I agreed and began planning the big trip. I quit both of my jobs on Friday, I got rid of my car, and I gave more than half of my clothes away to charity as I packed up the essentials and ditched the rest.

Those unfamiliar with Japanese immigration: a tourist visa allows for foreigners to stay in Japan for 90 days. Most everyone can get into Japan on a tourist visa and that's what I've used everytime I went except for my yearlong exchange in high school. At the end of the 90 days I must leave the country unless I get a different visa before then...and that is exactly the plan. Pending progess in restoring the glory our relationship once had, I will propose again (maybe on White Day 3/14) with the diamond ring I bought a few months back. I can only hope things go well between us. One way or the other I will be employed full-time when I am there by her mother (the plan is to eventually take over the family businesses).

Anyway...a classic case of butterflies in the stomach I've been panicking lately about everything. I've never been nervous about going to Japan (rather I am usually ecstatic)...but this time...it's not the proposal...it's that I can't be sure what I am walking into. Has she already made up her mind about our chances? Is it hopeless? Things always seem to get rocky when we are apart for too long, but everything is amazing after we've been together again for a few weeks. This time I don't know if it will be that simple...

On top of all that, I feel bad about leaving my mom this time around. Maybe it's that I've matured a bit since the last time I planned to leave home for good...but I am really feeling bad about leaving her alone like that. At least there is quite a bit of my family in NE Ohio so she has plenty of sisters around to keep her busy...

So I guess I've rambled on quite long enough. Anyway wish me luck, I'll need it. If I am forced to leave Japan who knows where my next stop will be. One way or the other this is the eve of a brand new life.