Heâs gone up against numerous young women. Heâs faced Tommy Jarvis on three separate occasions. Heâs battled a Carrie-wannabe. Heâs even been imitated. Heâs been shot at, stabbed, strangled, hacked, slashed, and burned, but he keeps coming back. Whatâs next for Jason Voorhees?
Manhattan, of course! If he can make it anywhere, surely he can make it there!
The problem is, whenever you take an on-screen killer out of his home environment, garbage usually ensues. For those of you that have seen Halloween H20, Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, or Freddyâs Dead: The Final Nightmare, you know what Iâm talking about. Regardless, it seems childishly fun to see Jason Voorhees running around the capital of the world.
Unfortunately, this is hands-down the worst Friday film ever! Mark my words, it will still hold that title if someday, heaven forbid, Part XXVIII comes to fruition. The entire story is laughable, at best. Itâs neither believable nor comedic. The only somewhat satisfying scenes center on the star, Kane Hodder, who reprises his role as Jason.
The guy is insane. Iâm not talking about the character he plays, either. In real life, Mr. Hodder is one bad mamma-jamma. He took the role of Jason Voorhees so seriously, that he actually had the word âKillâ tattooed on the inside of his lower lip! He is a hulk of a man, and is not the kind of guy Iâd like to run into on a dark street at 2 AM. Besides, he seems like the kind of guy that would be lurking on a dark street at 2 AM! Be that as it may, this guy is great.
The very title of the movie, Jason Takes Manhattan, is a blatant lie. Jason takes nothing. New York isnât even featured until about 25 minutes before the film is over! The bulk of the movie takes place on a cruise ship full of graduating high schoolers who take a senior trip from Crystal Lake to Manhattan.
In a nutshell, Jason is revived by an underwater electric wire, and hitches a ride on the partying seniorsâ cruise ship, the Lazarus. He hacks and slashes his way through the student body (so to speak), until the boat catches fire and begins to sink. The remaining survivors jump on a lifeboat and paddle their way to New York. Jason pursues, and we get a chase through downtown Manhattan.
Since there are a few good scenes, Iâll go through them first. Believe me, it wonât take long.
When Jason first sets foot on the docks in New York, heâs greeted by a huge billboard for the local Eastern Hockey League Team. The billboard features a giant goalie mask which closely resembles the one Jason wears. Hodder tilts his head to the side and you canât help but let out a chuckle or two. Itâs a memorable scene in Jason lore.
In another mildly amusing scene, Rennie and Sean are being stalked by Jason in Times Square. They run past a group of street punks who are listening to their music peacefully. Without breaking stride, Jason literally kicks the radio to pieces. The boys take exception, and threaten the undead monster with their wimpy little blades. Instead of killing the boys, Jason shows his lighter side, and slowly lifts his mask revealing his hideous face. The punks soon back off, and Jason continues on his way.
Without a doubt, Part VIIIâs best scene comes on the roof of an apartment building. Julius, an accomplished boxer in high school, confronts Jason with a good old bare-knuckled fight. No lie, this kid gets in 56 punches: 26 to the face and 30 body shots (yes, I actually counted). After Julius connects on 56 of 58 attempts, he gives Jason a chance. âDecayinââ Jason Voorhees connects with just one shot to the head, but he makes it count. He punches Juliusâ head clean off his neck, off the roof, and into the dumpster below.
Thatâs about it, folks. Brace yourself for the bad.
The MPAA, once again, had a field day with this film. Everything is mainly done off-screen, and with as little gore as possible. Most of the victims bludgeoned or routinely stabbed with various sharp instruments. In four words: the gore is poor.
I really cannot stand the painfully stereotypical New York that is displayed on-screen. Hedden basically covers every single stereotype ever known about the city.
First, the group meets two muggers as soon as they arrive in the city. Sure, New York has its fair share of muggers, but not everyone who sets foot in the Big Apple is greeted by an official welcoming committee exclaiming, âGimme your money!â In fact, Iâve been to New York dozens of times, and not once have I been robbed.
Maybe Iâm one of the lucky ones.
Then thereâs your required New York subway scene. The subway itself is not the problem, as that really is the main mode of transportation in the city (besides cabbies). But the idea that native New Yorkers arenât fazed by strange and unusual things is ludicrous. Sure, they may be slightly more âstreet-smartâ than you folks in, say, the Northwest Territories of Canada. But, if seeing a seven-foot, blood-soaked, rotting, walking corpse sporting a hockey mask and a machete is commonplace in New York... well, maybe Iâll rethink my plans for visiting next month.
There are so many plot inconsistencies and idiocies that it would be futile to even try to list them all off. There are some obviously blatant ones that must be discussed, however.
Once in New York, Rennie is nearly raped by a gang member. Rennie is saved as Jason stabs him with a hypodermic needle in the back. The fact that an empty needle will immediately kill this guy is insane in and of itself. However, somehow, Jason shoves the needle so far into the guy that it pokes out of his stomach... by quite a large distance. Couldnât Jason grab a pipe of something? You know, attempt at making it believable.
Stop the insanity!
Next, letâs think back to Jason as a child. We donât know a heck of a lot of his history, but we do know he could not swim and he drowned as a result of two councilors who were not paying attention. Jason could not swim. Itâs laid down for us in the very first movie, straight out of Mrs. Voorheesâ mouth. Here, he swims to New York.
SWIMS!
Even if he could swim (which he canât), the very fact that he goes to New York to finish his slaughter-fest is absurd as well. Jason kills anyone and everyone, but only within a small area around Crystal Lake. He does not travel tens of miles to off a few morons. Itâs not Jasonâs style. Why would he do this? Well, maybe because of Rennie. They do have a history, right?
This doesnât fly. Jason is an undead mongoloid. He attacked Rennie in Crystal Lake when Rennie was about eight years old. There is NO way that he would recognize a girl he met underwater ten years ago. I challenge you to do the same.
I really am not trying to be cruel, but the very fact that Rob Hedden changes the history of the main character, just to satisfy his so-called story, proves heâs nothing more than a hack. Iâve said it before; these are not high-quality movies. Almost anyone can write a screenplay for a Friday film and hold true to the very simple base-story. One must be resolute to actually create a story as overwhelmingly poor as Jason Takes Manhattan.
After you view this movie, youâll wish you were a character in a previous Friday film. That way, Jason would have already killed you, and you wouldnât have to suffer through these dreadful 99 minutes.
The ratings I give them are all relative: you cannot compare these to ânormalâ flicks. Itâs akin to comparing apples with the mating habits of spider monkeys. Even by slasher standards, this movie is deserving of zero skulls. However, solely for the effort of Kane Hodder, Friday the 13th, Part VIII receives one generous skull and worthy of one viewing. If not for Kane Hodder, this would be a classic example of a âD-V-Donâtâ.
Do yourself a favor, though. If you do watch the film, shut it off at about the 90 minute mark. The ending is unbearably nonsensical and ridiculous.
